


Artists Love Better

by cissarego



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-21 05:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3679071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissarego/pseuds/cissarego
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU - Clarke is an artist and Lexa, a photographer. After a not so friendly first encounter, they find themselves intrigued with each other. A timid friendship starts to grow into something more. Are they ready for this? A bit of fluff, hints of angst and a lot of Clexa! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I started this AU because my heart was aching with all the angst from my other fic. LOL.  
> Hope you enjoy a little bit of light hearted Clexa!
> 
> I want to thank my beautiful friend [pentipus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pentipus/profile) for checking this one out so I don't embarrass myself! :)
> 
> If you want to check my other fic, it's called [They Are Coming](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3588657/chapters/7914207)!  
> I'm once-upon-a-sasss on Tumblr, hit me anytime!

Chapter 1 - First Impressions  
  
The alarm clock started its buzzing at 9am. Deep blue eyes opened slowly and blind arms reached around to silence the damned thing. It would be a big day and Clarke Griffin was ready for it.  
  
She got up and made her bed, stretching her body and fixing her blonde hair in a bun. She walked a few steps in the small studio apartment to reach the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, shaking off the last signs of sleepiness. Back in the room, she reached the kitchen corner and grabbed a bowl of cereal. She made herself a cup of instant coffee and went to sit by the table.  
  
Her studio apartment was very small, but she truly felt home in there. She had her bed by the window as she liked to be able to look at the stars at night before sleeping. Next to the bed, a small wardrobe and a bedside table completed the bedroom area. A small bookcase held art books and a few novels along with some DVDs and CDs. There were posters and photos all over the walls. A small door led to the bathroom big enough for only one person to stand in, and the open plan kitchen held a hob, a fridge and a small counter with a sink and a microwave. Next to the door, a mess with an old easel and boxes with paint contrasted with the tidiness of the rest of the apartment. That was, however, Clarke's favourite corner. A tall lamp stood next to the easel and a number of canvases piled up by its side. It was not much, but it was home.  
  
Clarke reached for her phone and checked the messages she received overnight. There was one unread text from Octavia, one of her best friends. The text was from only a couple of hours before.  
  
_Hey princess, are you up? Let's have lunch today!_  
  
Clarke smiled and replied to the text.  
  
_Why are you up so early? I don't know if I can do lunch. I'll buy my new stuff today and probably spend the whole day at the park._  
  
She looked across the room and saw the fat yellow envelope lying atop her bedside table. She worked very hard for that. Extra shifts at three different cafes and all the tips she could get helped her to save enough. She was brought back from her thoughts by her buzzing phone.  
  
_You're a loser. A talented one, but still a loser. Call me if you change your mind._  
  
"Dickhead..." She said to herself laughing, before replying.  
  
_You're always so nice, O. Anyway, I gotta go. I'll call you!_  
  
Clarke put her phone down and went to get changed. She chose to wear comfortable jeggings and a light vest topped with a blue jacket. She grabbed the yellow envelope and her backpack and stormed out the door. There was no time to waste.  


* * *

  
Clarke walked around with a big smile on her face as if she was in an amusement park. She couldn't help but feel her soul bubbling with happiness when she was inside the art store. There were loads of shelves holding all sorts of materials; easels, brushes, paints, pens, pencils, papers, canvases and much more, she didn't know where to look.  
  
After almost an hour, she reached the check out with her basket full of things. She really needed new materials. Her easel was old and could barely stand properly. She ran out of canvases and her paints and pencils were on its last legs. She felt happy and excited about her purchase.  
  
"Three hundred and ninety-eight dollars and seventy six cents," the cashier said as she finished scanning the last item.  
  
Clarke opened her backpack and grabbed the yellow envelope. Opening it, she retrieved a small bundle of notes. She counted quickly and held the whole pack to the cashier with a smile.  
  
"Here. There's four hundred."  
  
The woman grabbed the money and counted every single note.  
  
"One dollar and twenty four cents change. Thank you very much."  
  
Clarke grabbed her things and left the store. She looked at her watch, it was twenty minutes past eleven. She wasn't feeling hungry at all so she decided to pass on Octavia's invitation and started walking to the park. It was one of her favourite painting spots, it was quiet and full of colour. It took her less than half an hour to reach the gates of the park.  
  
She found a quiet spot near the lake and opened her new easel right next to the edge. She balanced her new pastel sticks, pencils and a few tubs of an expensive brand of acrylic paint. The small tray beneth the canvas' area of the easel were perfect to fit all her things. She also rested a couple of brushes and pencils and placed the only canvas she was able to buy and carry. It was worth it to buy such an expensive easel. She could fit everything she would use on it instead of having stuff on the floor.  
  
She took a step back and contemplated her new set of materials and tools. She sighed in happiness and grabbed her phone from her back pocket, taking a picture and sending it to Octavia.  
  
_I'm a happy bunny!!_  
  
A few seconds later, her phone started ringing. She quickly picked up and heard her friend's voice.  
  
"Oh my god you spent all that cash on just that?? You're fucking insane, Clarke!" Octavia had surprise in her voice.  
  
"Shut up Octavia. Art materials are expensive and besides, I didn't spend it all. There's like two dollars left."  
  
"You better buy me a fucking coffee or something with that fortune you have left, Princess. I can't believe you're bailing on me for a bunch of brushes!"  
  
Clarke could recognise the joking tone in her friend's voice and smiled.  
  
"I love how you support my only dream and hope for the future, O. Thank you, it means a lot," she said sarcastically.  
  
"Well, that's what I do," Octavia said laughing. "Anyway, you know I love you and I think you're fucking awesome so I'll forgive you, I guess. Have a good time with your new stuff. I'll come round later to see what you've managed to create!"  
  
"Deal. See you later, O!"  
  
She pressed the end button and put the phone back in her pocket. Taking a deep breath, she looked over her easel and took in the view. She loved the park. It was so beautiful and peaceful. The perfect place to empty her brain and fill her canvas.  
  
She took a pencil and started drawing. She looked up and back to her canvas, moving her hand with skill. In no time, shapes of the trees and the lake started to form on the white surface. Clarke brought the wooden end of the pencil to her teeth and stared at her creation.  
  
"This sucks..." she said with a sigh and started rubbing the eraser on the fabric, making the lines disappear.  
  
Starting over, she grabbed a different pencil and started doodling a few lines of trees that stood on the other end of the little lake. The girl added details and traced the margins of the lake and the vegetation around it. Paying attention to all details, Clarke lost track of the time. It felt like an eternity had passed when she finally stepped back and let a small grin grow on her lips.  
  
"Much better!" she said, putting the pencil down and taking a medium sized brush.  
  
She reached for her bag and got a plastic palette, leaving the bag opened. One by one, she grabbed the tubs of paint from the little tray on the easel and squeezed them lightly into the small compartments of the palette that was now fitted on her fingers. She started to press the brush against the canvas, applying small bits of green to the top of the trees and blue to the sky. She was completely immersed into her painting, like there was nothing around her.  
  
After a while, she was half way through the painting. The colours and shades of the scene were now clear and she started to add details. As she started to stroke the canvas again, she heard a voice that sounded far from where she was. She decided to not pay attention to it as it was getting late and she wanted to finish her painting before the sun started to go down.  
  
The voice started to move closer and closer to her.  
  
"Don't move so fast birdie!! Don't move so fast!"  
  
She started to turn around to see what was going on when she felt herself being hit hard and pushed backwards against her easel and materials.  
  
Clarke felt like she was seeing things in slow motion. She felt her body crashing against the wooden object with force, making it bend backwards. She saw it slowly falling and she tried to move her arms to grab it, but it was all too fast. She closed her eyes and felt her knees hitting the ground and a heavy weight falling over her, bringing her down completely. She then heard the easel falling in the lake with a loud noise that made her open her eyes in despair.  
  
She quickly pushed the weight from over her body and got up, trying to reach her tools and materials, but it was in vain. The water and the wind had already taken it a bit too far from the shore, just far enough for her not to be able to reach.  
  
She brought her hands to her head in disbelief and felt tears starting to pool in her eyes.  
  
"No! No no no no no! This is not happening! This is not fucking happening!"  
  
Turning around to check what had hit her, she saw a tall brunette getting up dizzily with a camera in her hands.  
  
"Ouch, that hurt..." the brunette said, not noticing Clarke's angry gaze.  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck d'you think you're doing?"  
  
The girl raised her head and looked at Clarke with confused eyes. She then moved her gaze to the lake and saw the floating easel and materials. Her green eyes widened as she brought her hand to her mouth.  
  
"Oh shit.... Oh shit I'm so so sorry! I was trying to take a photo, I didn't see you there!"  
  
"I don't give a fuck what you were doing, do you have any idea how much I had to work to buy all that shit? And I only bought it today and it's fucking gone thanks to you!"  
  
Clarke could only see red. She had indeed worked really hard to save enough for the new art supplies. She had no idea how long it would take to save it all over again, on top of paying her bills and putting some money away for her art school fund.  
  
She turned her back to the girl and knelt on the ground. Tears ran freely down her cheeks as she stared at her things floating on the lake.  
  
"We can try to grab it! We can call, I don't know, someone! There must be someone who takes care of this park, they can probably get it!"  
  
"It's made of wood! Are you an idiot? It's ruined! And the other stuff as well, it's a canvas, pencils, paints! What do you think happens when it gets fucking soaked with water?"  
  
"Look, I'm really sorry, I'll replace it all, just tell me what you had there and I'll replace it."  
  
The girl had an honest tone, she really seemed to be sorry about it but Clarke could not see reason.  
  
"Fuck you!" she said, grabbing her bag and walking away without looking back.  
  
The brunette sighed and stared at Clarke while the blonde brisked up her pace towards the exit of the park.  
  
"Oh man...", The brunette said to herself while turning around. As she stepped forward, she felt something under her foot. Looking down she saw a blue wallet lying on the floor and crouched down to grab it. Opening it on the ID compartment, she looked at the photo of a blonde girl with blue eyes for a moment before looking up to the floating art supplies.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Clarke Griffin," she said to herself in a regretful tone.


	2. Alexandria Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected deliveries keep coming to Clarke's door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter, everyone!  
> I am really happy with the feedback for this fic. It is really just a little light hearted story and I'm glad you're enjoying it!  
> I'd like to thank my homie [maiesin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/maieisn/pseuds/maieisn) for beta'ing this one!
> 
> I'm once-upon-a-sasss on Tumblr, hit me anytime!

Chapter 2 - Alexandria Ground  
  
"Clarke, calm down!" Octavia tried to soothe her friend, but it was in vain.  
  
"How can I calm down, Octavia? All my stuff! Everything is gone! I had like, a couple of hours with it and in a second it was all floating away!" Clarke paced around the apartment still in tears. "What am I gonna do? It took forever to save 400 bucks! And I need to pay my rent and bills next week so all the money I get will go straight out! I will have to choose between buying it all over again or putting any extra money in the art school fund. So yea, fun times ahead! I just can't believe this is happening! Wake me up 'cause this must be a nightmare! A really bad fucking nightmare!"   
  
"I know, Clarke. But listen, we can figure something out. I can take extra shifts where I work to help you, I don't know, I can even get some money off Bellamy, I'm sure he would help you."  
  
Clarke sat on the edge of her bed burying her face in her hands.  
  
"I can't ask for money from your brother. I would never be able to pay him back anyway."  
  
The blonde looked at her friend, eyes full of sadness. She watched as Octavia sat by her side and put one arm around her.  
  
"We'll figure something out," Octavia said, reassuring her friend. "I just don't get why you didn't accept when the girl said she would replace it. All things considered, it sounded like your best option!"  
  
"Ugh I know.. I'm stupid, aren't I? You know how I get when I'm angry, I jus't don't think. I was so pissed off I just grabbed my bag and walked away."  
  
"Did she tell you her name? Maybe we could find her."  
  
"No, she didn't. It was all very quick; I have no idea who she is."  
  
"Maybe you could go back to the park. You said she had a camera, maybe she goes there a lot to take photos?"  
  
"I doubt it. I go to that park pretty much every day and I never saw her there before." Clarke sighed, feeling hopeless. "I'll go there anyway, who knows..."  
  
Clarke sighed as Octavia stood up with a smile on her face.  
  
"Let's do it! I'll come with you. Besides, you can use your last two dollars to buy me a coffee!" Octavia said, laughing.  
  
"Are you really ripping off my last two bucks after everything that happened?"  
  
"Of course I am. I'm offended. Don't you know me?"   
  
Clarke got up on a sigh, reaching for her bag, and jokingly smiled at her friend.  
  
"Unfortunately. Why are we friends again?"  
  
She opened each compartment of her backpack and felt confusion and despair start growing inside of her.  
  
"Oh shit no... Please no."  
  
"What?" Octavia asked, worried.  
  
"Write it down, Octavia. This is officially the worst day of my life," she said, without facing her friend.  
  
"Why? What's going on?"  
  
Clarke turned around and looked at Octavia raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I've lost my wallet."  
  


* * *

  
She walked into her office with a glum face. Placing her bag on a chair, she sat by her desk and started messing with the computer, not noticing that she was being watched.  
  
"Lexa! Why the grumpy features?"  
  
Lexa felt her heart skipping a bit in surprise.  
  
"Jesus Christ, Anya! You made me jump!"  
  
"I can see that. You didn't even notice me here. What's going on?"  
  
Lexa looked at her friend and sighed.  
  
"I went to that amazing park you said I should check, full of birds and colours and perfect for nature shots," she said with an angry tone. "And as I was attempting my first photo, I collapsed onto a girl."  
  
"And that's... bad?"  
  
"Well, it is bad since I caused her to fall over her art stuff, sending it all into the lake. And apparently she had just bought the things and I ruined it all. So yes, it is pretty bad."  
  
Lexa buried her face in her hands for a second and turned back to her computer.  
  
"Oh boy...That does sound terrible. What are you going to do about it? Buy her new stuff?" Anya asked.  
  
"I offered but she was so angry, she wouldn't listen to me. I apologised, it was an accident, but she was really distressed. She just walked off telling me to fuck myself." Lexa looked up to her friend, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Charming..." Anya said in a chuckle. "What do you have there?"  
  
Lexa picked up the wallet she had found after the blonde left the park. Raising it up, she showed it to Anya.  
  
"Her wallet."  
  
"Not only you threw her stuff in the water, you also stole her wallet? What a wooer." Anya laughed, teasing her friend.  
  
Lexa frowned and turned her attention back to the screen.  
  
"She dropped it. I found it after she left. I'm trying to Google her name."  
  
"So you're also a stalker now?"  
  
"Oh, shut up Anya! If you're not going to help me then you can go back to whatever you were doing." Lexa started to lose her temper.  
  
"Alright, kiddo, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?" Anya sat by Lexa's side.  
  
"Do you know if that big art store is open late?"  
  


* * *

  
"This is pointless, Octavia. It's not here."  
  
Clarke and Octavia were pacing around the park, trying to find the missing wallet.  
  
"Just keep looking! It might be around!" Octavia still had some hope in finding it.  
  
"Listen, it's almost dark, I'm tired and I have to work tomorrow. My boss called me yesterday saying that the girl who's usually on shift won't be able to make it so I'm covering. I wanna go home. Really, just leave it."  
  
Clarke sighed and started walking towards the park exit, followed by Octavia.   
  
"Alright, Princess. I'm gonna head to the cafe, I'm on night shift. I'll give you a call tomorrow, ok? Just... try to relax. We'll figure something out."  
  
The blonde nodded and hugged her friend. She turned around and started walking back to her apartment. It was a short walk and she felt like she needed the time to think. She still couldn't believe what happened earlier and she had no idea how she also managed to lose her wallet. She felt like her whole life went from amazing to awful in a matter of minutes. She asked herself why she was so stupid in denying the offer made by the girl who caused the problems. At the same time, she thought that she didn't want anything from her. She knew how hard she worked to buy those things and that girl probably had everything easy. Why else would she offer to spend money that quickly? She felt her pride and ego taking over. She didn't need that girl's help or pity. She could work and save money and buy her things all over again.  
  
She opened her apartment door and looked across the room to her old easel. With a sigh, she went to it and opened it in the middle of the flat. She crouched down to reach one of the canvases but they were all used. She sat on the floor and spread the canvases around her. There were a couple of portraits and a few nature scenes. She loved every single one of them, each painting was special. She knew, however, that she wouldn't have the money to buy more canvases anytime soon and she needed to keep practising. With a heavy heart, she took one of the nature scene ones and placed on the easel. She soaked a large brush with white paint and started stroking the canvas, hiding the colours and shapes, erasing the image that took so much time and dedication to finish. It felt like she was erasing a part of herself.   
  
Staring at the now white canvas, she grabbed an art book from the book shelf and opened it on a central page. There was a photograph of a beach that abruptly appeared behind trees. She placed the book on the table and started drawing the lines of the image. Before she could finish the pencil drawing, she heard a knock on the door and went to open it.  
  
"Delivery from Mt. Weather Cafe."   
  
"I didn't order anything. Are you sure you got the right address?" Clarke was confused. She stared at the delivery man certain that it was a mistake.  
  
"Are you Clarke Griffin?"  
  
"Yea..."  
  
"Then yes, I'm sure. It's paid for. Enjoy."  
  
The man turned his back and left while Clarke closed the door carrying the bag full of take away containers. She placed the bag on the table and opened it, finding a note on top of the containers.  
  
 _I bet you didn't think about dinner, did you? Anyway, I'm saving the day. Have some food, princess. Love, O._  
  
Clarke smiled and grabbed her phone to text her friend.  
  
 _You're the best! Thank you!_  
  
Octavia was a good friend. A bit irritating at times but she was loyal. Clarke knew she could count on her at any time for anything. And the girl was right, she didn't think about dinner. In fact, she didn't eat anything the whole day apart from her breakfast. She removed the containers from the bag and quickly grabbed a fork from the kitchen.   
  
Clarke finished her meal and put the empty containers in the bin and the fork in the sink. With a glass of water in hand, she turned her attention back to the canvas in the middle of the room. She picked up her pencil and stared at it for a few seconds. With a big yawn, she looked up to the clock on the wall. It was almost 11pm and she needed to wake up early the next morning. She sighed and placed the pencil back down. The blonde changed into her pyjamas and went to bed. It felt good to be lying down as she felt like that day was lasting way too long. She closed her eyes and allowed her tiredness to take over, she hoped that maybe she would wake up to realise that it was all just a bad dream.  
  


* * *

  
The alarm on her phone started buzzing at 8am. Clarke opened her eyes feeling like she slept for only a few minutes. She sighed at the realisation that the day before was not a dream. She rubbed her eyes and got up quickly, making the bed and heading to the bathroom. She had her tooth brush in her mouth when her phone started ringing. She spat and wiped her mouth while reaching for the device.  
  
"Hey Clarke, It's Marcus."  
  
"Hi boss, what's up?"  
  
"Listen, Harper just called me saying that she won't need the day off anymore so, you don't need to come today."   
  
Clarke closed her eyes and sighed.  
  
"Alright... Thanks for letting me know," she said before finishing the call.  
  
"Isn't that great?" she said to herself while heading back to the bathroom.  
  
She went to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast and picked her phone to text her friend.   
  
_No money for me today. Extra shift is off. fml._  
  
She put the phone down and started eating her breakfast. By the lack of answer, she assumed that Octavia was fast asleep. Clarke looked again to the canvas in the center of the flat and sighed. She finished her breakfast and started walking towards the easel when she heard a knock on her door. Thinking that it could be Octavia, she turned around and quickly opened the door. But she found a tall man standing outside.  
  
"Good morning. I have some boxes for... Clarke Griffin?" the man checked the name on a paper.  
  
"I'm Clarke Griffin," she said, suspicious. "But I didn't buy anything. This is probably a mistake?" Clarke was confused.   
  
"If you're Clarke Griffin, then there's no mistake," the man said with a friendly smile.  
  
Clarke watched as the man turned and walked away, coming back a minute after with his arms full of boxes and bags. He walked away once more, returning with more bags. She stepped aside, making way for him to put the goods inside the apartment. Once it was all in, he stood in front of her and picked up something from his pocket. He handed over a brown envelope and started to make his way out.  
  
"Wait," she said, placing the envelope on the table and getting his attention before he could leave. "What is all this? Who sent it?"  
  
"I'm not sure what's inside the boxes, Ms Griffin. I was just asked to bring it here. Have a good day."   
  
The man turned around and went away as she closed the door and faced the boxes and bags on the floor. She turned her attention to the brown envelope she placed on the table. She reached for it and opened it. What she found inside made her eyes open wide. Wrapped in a piece of paper, she took her wallet out the envelope. She opened the paper and noticed that there was a business card stapled to it. Ignoring the card, she carefully read the message that was hand written.  
  
 _I was not sure what exactly fell into the lake so I just got a bit of everything. I hope this is ok. Also, I found your wallet. It should be together with this message. Let me know if there is anything wrong with the supplies. I'm sorry again about what happened._  
  
 _Best wishes,_  
  
 _Alexandria Ground_  
  
Clarke stared at the piece of paper and read its message over and over again. She looked up with confusion and surprise and walked towards the boxes. Opening the first one, she saw an easel very similar to the one she bought and lost the day before. Only it was better and a distinguishably more expensive model. Inside the bags there were all sorts of paints, pens and pencils and another box, slightly smaller than the first, carried at least 10 canvases of different sizes. She felt overwhelmed and didn't notice the words that escaped her lips.  
  
"What the fuck?"


	3. Unexpectedly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to deal with the unexpected consignment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally SO HAPPY with the feedback on this fic, guys!  
> It is my first AU so it means a lot!
> 
> Again, big thank you to [maiesin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/maieisn/pseuds/maieisn) for the lovely work as beta. And mainly for helping me keeping in character, which is quite hard in an AU.
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com), hit me whenever!

Chapter 3 - Unexpectedly  
  
Clarke paced around the apartment not knowing what to do. She felt surprised but angry at the same time. Looking at all the art supplies lying on the floor, she couldn't believe that the girl just had the guts to do that. She thought she was right the night before. That girl indeed had it easy. All those supplies must have cost over 600 dollars and, for the girl, it meant probably nothing. In the back of her head, a voice kept telling Clarke that she should just leave it. Keep the materials and forget about it, but she couldn't. She felt like her pride was hurt. Her art meant a lot to her and she wouldn't just accept this. The materials sent to her were much more than what actually fell in the lake. It made no sense to keep it.  
  
The blonde was brought back from her never ending internal rant by the knocks on the door. She quickly opened it and faced her best friend who came to her flat as quickly as she could after the blonde called her as an emergency.  
  
"What's the emergency, Princess? You know I worked super late last... What the fuck is all that?"  
  
Clarke stepped aside letting Octavia enter the flat and sighed at the girl's reaction to the goods spread on the floor.  
  
"How did you manage to get all that overnight?"   
  
Clarke didn't say a word. She handed the note that was wrapped around her wallet earlier over to Octavia and watched as her eyes widened at the words.  
  
"Shut up! She sent you all that? It's much more than what you bought in the first place! This is insane!"  
  
"I know, O. I can't accept it."  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me? Of course you can! Did you see the posh business card? She is a photographer; she is probably minted as fuck. Just take the stuff!"  
  
"I can't, Octavia! I know I probably should but I just can't. At least not all of it. I didn't drop ten canvases in the lake and I certainly did not buy an easel that costs 400 bucks on its own. I have to send it back."  
  
"Ugh, Clarke don't be stupid! Oh my god! There's more art supplies in here than you will need in months! Think about it! How long would it take for you to save enough money to buy all this shit?"  
  
"And that's the very reason why I can't take it, O. This Alexandria doesn't understand."  
  
"Oh my god, why do you care if she understands or not? She doesn't even know you! You're being stupid, Clarke! Don't you think it's time for you to let things go? It's was a long time ago!"  
  
Clarke looked at her friend feeling rage growing inside her.   
  
"Octavia, don't."  
  
"Don't _don't_ me, Clarke. Not everyone wants to fuck with you. This girl is clearly trying to repay you for what she's caused. Why can't you just accept it?"  
  
"Because sometimes bad shit happens and it changes you."  
  
"That might be true, Clarke. But if you keep lingering in the past, you will get blind. And you won't see when good shit happens."  
  
Clarke took a deep breath and looked at the bags and boxes on the floor. It was indeed much more than she would need for at least a few months. But she couldn't let go. She had a buzzing feeling in her chest telling her that she shouldn't keep it. At least not all of it.  
  
"I'm gonna keep enough to replace what fell in the lake. And I'm giving the rest back."  
  
"Honestly, Princess. Sometimes I think you have a glitch in your brain or something," Octavia sat on the edge of Clarke's bed, defeated. "How are you gonna give this back?"  
  
Clarke took the note from Octavia's hand and looked at the business card stapled to the paper. She looked back to her friend and sighed.  
  
"Well, since I'm not working, I guess I'll pay a visit to Alexandria Ground."  
  


* * *

  
Lexa took a deep breath as she opened the door of her office. Deep blue eyes faced her as she put a timid smile on her face.  
  
"Hello. Please, come in." Lexa stepped aside to let Clarke inside and watched as the blonde looked around.  
  
The office was spacious and clear. One desk stood near the door and a second one was near the window on the left. Across the room there was a large glass cabinet with cameras, lenses, flash guns and all sorts of photography equipment. Next to it, there was a set with a large piece of white fabric hanging from the ceiling and some stands holding lights and umbrellas. In front of it, a tripod held a slightly larger camera.  
  
Lexa called Clarke's attention by introducing the person sat on the desk by the window.  
  
"That is my friend and colleague Anya." Lexa then pointed to the chair across her own desk and watched as Clarke nodded at her friend and sat down.  
  
"I see you received my consignment," Lexa looked at Clarke's hands that held a few bags. "Was everything alright with it?"  
  
"Yea well, look, Alexandria I..."  
  
"Lexa," the brunette interrupted Clarke.  
  
"Right. Lexa. Look, I really appreciate what you did but I can't keep it."  
  
"Why is that? Your supplies fell into the lake because of me, it seems only fair that I replace it."  
  
"Yea but you didn't just replace it, did you? You sent the whole damn store to my house. That is much more than what I had."  
  
"I didn't mean to offend you. But I would have no use to the extra materials so you should really keep it. Please. For all the trouble I've caused."  
  
"You don't understand! You have no idea how much I struggled to be able to buy those things and you think that you can simply wave your dollar notes around and everything will be ok? That's not how it works."  
  
Lexa pressed her eyes in confusion. She tried to be nice, to replace what fell in the lake and perhaps the extra stuff would make up for all the trouble she caused. She didn't understand why Clarke seemed so angry.  
  
"I'm sorry, but you're right. I don't understand. Iam, however, really sorry about what happened."  
  
The brunette saw Clarke's gaze going enraged. She watched as the blonde stood up and placed the bags she was holding onto her desk.  
  
"I didn't think you would," she listened as Clarke's tone went dry. "Listen, I'm keeping the stuff to replace what you made me drop in the lake, but you can have the rest back. I don't need your charity."  
  
She watched as the blonde turned away and walked out the door without saying anything else. Her eyes were wide, looking at the bags on her desk and she felt extremely confused. Turning her head to face Anya, Lexa shrugged at her friend who had a grin on her lips.  
  
"She's cute," Anya said laughing.  
  
Lexa sighed and shook her head.  
  
"Just don't..."  
  


* * *

  
Back in her apartment, Clarke started to organise the materials that were still spread on the floor. She took the old easel that was in the middle of the room and closed it, placing it back in the corner where it belonged. She looked at the canvas that was painted white with a few pencil lines on it and sighed. She had ruined her painting for nothing.  
  
She grabbed the big box and pulled out the new easel from it. It looked quite similar to the one that fell in the lake but the trays under the canvas area were slightly bigger and had more compartments. She read the large letters printed on the box and shrugged.  
  
 _Waterproof._  
  
She released a sarcastic chuckle and turned her attention to the bags with paints. She noticed that even taking some back, there was still quite a lot more in there than what was lost in the lake. Sighing, she thought that it wasn't worth it to return those as well so she took the whole pack and placed it carefully with the other materials. After a while, she had a large box full of plastic wrap, cardboard and old supplies, ready to be taken to the trash. Her art corner was now clean and organised, with all the new supplies placed together with the old ones.  
  
She took the box of trash out and went to the kitchen to make herself a coffee. She grabbed her phone to text Octavia while waiting for the water to boil.  
  
 _C: What u up to?_  
  
The reply came less than a minute later.  
  
 _O: Getting ready to work. Not everyone is lucky enough to have their shift called off._  
  
 _C: I wouldn't exactly call it luck._  
  
 _O: Whatever. What u up to?_  
  
 _C: Finished organising the stuff Lexa sent._  
  
 _O: Is she Lexa to you now?_  
  
 _C: You're a dick. I'm thinking about going to that exhibition at the gallery in case you wanna meet up after your shift._  
  
 _O: Couldn't think of anything more boring but I'll make an exemption for you._  
  
 _C: :/ see you later then._  
  
 _O: Later, loser._  
  
Clarke laughed as she put her phone down. She stood up and went to the bathroom to have a shower. She felt excited about the exhibition. It was the opening day and she really liked the artist. She browsed her wardrobe and decided for a pair of jeans and a black jacket over a white tank top. She applied a little make up and smiled at the result. Putting her Converses on, she grabbed her bag and walked out the door.  
  


* * *

  
The sun was setting and the gallery was swarming with people. She sighed in relief for the wardrobe choice as the other attendants looked quite posh. She straightened her jacket and walked inside the building.   
  
She absolutely loved the gallery. The old building that gave home to it was in a quiet area of the city. She was always impressed with the architecture of it and how modern it was inside. She knew that someone lived on the apartment on the top floor of the building as she had seen lights on many times when she left the place after seeing exhibitions. She thought that whoever lived there was quite lucky because it was simply an amazing place.  
  
The receptionist took her jacket and offered her a glass of red wine. That was the best thing about opening nights, she thought. Good art and free drinks. She took the glass and walked in to start looking at the paintings. The nature ones always grabbed her attention more than any others. It was her favourite subject. She loved how this specific artist managed to depict perfectly the light and shadows and all nuances of a nature scene. She wondered if she would ever get that good.  
  
She grabbed a second glass of wine from a waiter dressed in a tuxedo. Raising an eyebrow after he turned away, she laughed to herself at how posh everything was. Still looking at the paintings, she took her phone from her back pocket as she felt it vibrating.  
  
 _O: Sorry princess, not gonna make it. The dude who was supposed to relieve me just called in sick. I'll make it up to you, promise! x_  
  
She sighed and started to reply the text with one hand, the other one holding the glass of wine. Looking at the phone screen, she didn't notice when someone stopped right by her side and she felt her body shaking as she inevitably collided with the person. She felt the glass turning upside down and spilling all the red liquid on her top before collapsing on the floor and breaking in countless pieces with a sharp noise.   
  
Breathing erratically, she looked down at her clothes and at the glass on the floor. When she looked up, she felt the air escaping her lungs as she saw familiar green eyes staring at her widely. She took a deep breath as she felt rage starting to grow in her chest.  
  
"Really!?"  
  



	4. Start over.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa start to get to know each other. Or do they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have words to express how happy I am with all your messages. Seriously, guys, you make me smile so much! I'm having a lot of fun writing this fic and love times will be coming soon. There might be a tiny bit of hurt/cumfort but well, I can't live without a bit of pain.  
> Anyway, let me thank again my beautiful friend [maiesin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/maieisn/pseuds/maieisn) for being the best beta reader a writer could wish for.   
> I probably won't update again until Sunday cos I have some busy days ahead! Sorry in advance!
> 
> Hit me on Tumblr, I'm [once-upon-a-sasss](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com) !
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter 4 - Start over.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"  
  
Clarke stared at Lexa with wide eyes, not believing in what was happening.   
  
"Did you not see me here?" She asked with her arms opened, looking at the red stain on her top.  
  
"No, I didn't. That's why I'm apologising."  
  
Clarke sighed. She was feeling angry but at the same time she knew she wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings. She was looking at her phone when she collided with the girl.  
  
"Well, I guess the fun is over for me. Can't stay here like this," she said frowning and turning around to leave.  
  
"No, Ms. Griffin...Clarke! Wait!"  
  
She felt Lexa grabbing her arm, stopping her from walking away. Clarke stared at the girl's face and she looked indeed really sorry for what happened.   
  
"You don't have to leave. Follow me."  
  
Clarke watched as the brunette released her arm and turned around. She followed her across the gallery and through a door on the very back of the building. It led to a hall with an elevator door. She saw Lexa pressing the button and the door opening. She walked in after the brunette, not understanding exactly where she was being taken. After a few seconds, the elevator stopped and the door opened. They stepped into another small hall that looked incredibly fancy. Clarke looked around as Lexa pulled a small bunch of keys from her pocket. She opened the door and invited Clarke in.  
  
"Come in. I will only be a second." The brunette said after closing the door behind them and going to grab something.  
  
Clarke couldn't believe in what she was seeing. She thought there would be a normal apartment on the top of the old gallery building but it was a massive loft. She took a few steps inside to see it better. There was a large lounge area with big sofas and a TV, the walls were covered with canvas prints of beautiful photographs surgically placed. It was all very clean, she thought. The kitchen area was spacious and fully equipped. Everything was very modern. Across the loft, she saw Lexa messing with something in a cupboard. The bedroom area was also incredible. A big double bed inbetween two bed side tables were by the window and two doors led to what Clarke assumed to be a walk in closet and a bathroom. Clarke didn't even notice that Lexa was right by her side until the brunette spoke.  
  
"Here. There's a towel and a few options of tops. Hopefully you will find one that fits you. The bathroom is right there, that door on the left," Lexa pointed the direction to the blonde.  
  
"You live here?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I mean, you seriously live here?"  
  
She saw Lexa growing a small grin on her face.  
  
"Yes, I seriously live here."  
  
Clarke stared at the brunette for a moment, not knowing what to say. She felt a word slipping out her lips before she had time to stop it.  
  
"How?"  
  
She closed her eyes acknowledging how stupid it sounded but she quickly opened them again as she heard Lexa laughing. She didn't take notice before of how pretty the girl was. Her green eyes were pressed with the laughter and her mouth was opened. She was taller than Clarke and had long brown hair carefully covered in braids. Clarke wondered how long it would take to get all those braids done. She sighed and shook her head.  
  
"I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."  
  
"No, it's quite alright," Lexa said still laughing. "This building belongs to my family. Well, to my grandfather's family. And since I'm the last one standing, it kind of belongs to me now."  
  
"This building? The whole building? The gallery?"  
  
"Yes. It was not a gallery originally. After my grandfather passed away, I decided to convert it and give a good use to this building. An art gallery was the only thing I could think of because he loved art. And well, it wouldn't hurt to live here since it's such a nice area, so I transformed the top floor into this loft and moved in."  
  
"Wow. It's... a really nice place."  
  
Clarke watched as the small grin on Lexa's lips turned into a smile and she couldn't help but smile back. She looked around again and, as she turned back to face the brunette, she saw that the girl was still staring at her with a smile. She felt a bit awkward and at the same time she felt bad for being so harsh with the girl previously.  
  
"I better go change then," she said taking the towel and tops from Lexa's hands and walking towards the bathroom.  
  
She closed the door behind her and looked around again. The bathroom wasn't too big but it was big enough for a bath tub and a cupboard as well as toilet and sink. She took her top off and used the towel to dry the wine, placing her stained top on the sink and putting one of the clean tops on. She looked in the mirror and fixed her hair a bit before turning to the door again and leaving the room.  
  
"Hey, do you have a bag I can put the dirty top?" Clarke asked as she approached Lexa, who stared out the window.   
  
The brunette turned to face her and took the towel and dirty top from her hands with a smile.  
  
"I'll take care of that."  
  
"Thanks," Clarke looked down still feeling slightly uneasy.  
  
She watched as Lexa put the dirty fabrics away and walked back towards her.  
  
"It looks nice on you..." the brunette said. "...the top."  
  
Clarke felt her cheeks going warm and faced the floor.  
  
"Thank you," she said timidly.  
  
"You're an artist yourself, then?"  
  
Clarke looked back at her not quite understanding why would the girl be interested in chatting to her after she was so rude to her.  
  
"Yea. Well, trying to be."  
  
She stared at the brunette who still held a smile on her face.  
  
"Well, we better go back downstairs then. I wouldn't want to keep you from appreciating good art. And Dante can definitely provide us with good art!" the brunette said, excited.  
  
"You know Dante Wallace?"  
  
"He was my granfather's best friend. They went to university together and my grandfather helped him a lot when he was starting. It's because of them that got interested in art but I'm hopeless with a pencil," the brunette giggled. "Anyway, he will be here soon, I can introduce you, if you want."  
  
Clarke's eyes grew wider. Of course she wanted to meet him. Dante Wallace was one of her favourite local artists and an inspiration for her.  
  
"You... don't have to do this," she said awkwardly.  
  
"Don't be silly, I'm sure he will be delighted to meet you. Let's go."  
  
The blonde felt Lexa grabbing her arm again and pulling her towards the door. She took a deep breath and let herself be pulled, not noticing the smile that grew on her face.  
  


* * *

  
"There he is," Lexa whispered in Clarke's ears, causing her to feel goosebumps on the back of her neck.  
  
She turned her head to look at the tall old man who was chatting to a few journalists. The blonde followed Lexa as she approached the group.  
  
"Dante! I'm so glad you're here," Clarke watched as the brunette hugged the man and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"Alexandria, my dear. What a splendid exhibition. I'm very honoured. And proud of you, if I may say so," the man had a broad smile on his face. Clarke could see the fondness between them.  
  
"It's my pleasure," the brunette said with a smile. "Can I introduce you to a friend of mine? She is an artist herself and a big fan of your work," Clarke felt shy while she approached them. "Clarke, I want you to meet my good friend Dante Wallace. Dante, this is Clarke Griffin."  
  
"Very nice to meet you Ms. Griffin."  
  
"Nice to meet you. It's an honour actually. Your work is a big insipration for me."  
  
"Well I'm glad to hear that, young lady. Alexandria told me you are an artist. What subject is most interesting to you?"  
  
"Nature. I love to paint nature scenes."  
  
"And why is that?" the man asked as if he was expecting some specific answer.  
  
Clarke felt a bit threatened by the question, she didn't want to sound silly in front of such a great painter.  
  
"Because..." she tried to think about it. "Because it's not scripted. You never know what you will find. You never know what direction the wind will be blowing or if there will be clouds difusing the sunlight. You don't know where the birds will be flying to or what colour the flowers will be. It's always new, always a surprise, always a challenge."  
  
The blonde felt her cheeks going warm again as Dante started to slow clap after she finished speaking. She tried to hide how shy she felt by timidly smiling.  
  
"You speak like a true artist," the old man said, smiling. "I'm sure I'll hear about you very soon, Clarke Griffin," he said extending his arm to shake Clarke's hand.  
  
She took his hand smiling.  
  
"Thank you Mr Wallace. It means a lot."  
  
She saw the man smiling at her and turning his attention back to the journalists. She stood there looking at him, not knowing if what just happened was real.  
  
She sighed and walked away through a small corridor that led to a different room of the gallery. She looked around the room that was filled with framed photographs. It was a different exhibition, much smaller than Dante's.  Turning around, she saw the exhibition tile painted on the wall by the door.  
  
 _Alexandria Ground: Landscapes_  
 _A collection of the best landscapes of the young photographer._  
  
Clarke felt a little smile grow on her lips and turned to see the photos. The first was a beautiful bridge from afar, a blanket of clouds beneth it and the sunlight was hitting it from above. The next one was a beach with transparent waters, you could even see small fish swimming. By its side, a beautiful orange sunset seen from a higher ground. She was impressed. Lexa knew how to capture the mood of a scene and use the light properly. The images were strong and yet gentle to the eyes.   
  
"Do you like it?"  
  
Clarke jumped in surprise and turned to face Lexa who was holding two glasses of wine. She smiled and took one of the glasses as the brunette offered it to her.  
  
"Yes. They are beautiful. You're very talented," she said, sipping on the wine.  
  
"Thank you," Lexa said, smiling. "Nature is my favourite subject too. There's never disapointment. It's always beautiful," the brunette said, looking at her own images.  
  
Clarke stared at the girl and smiled. She found herself feeling even more shy. Mainly because she was an asshole to the girl who was actually really nice. She felt her phone buzzing in her pocket, bringing her back from her thoughts. She looked at the ID and saw Octavia's photo. She wondered why would her friend be calling since she was at work.  
  
"Sorry, I need to take this," she said to Lexa who nodded in return.  
  
"Hey O, what's up?"  
  
"Hi Princess. My boss let me go earlier, I'll be leaving in an hour but I'm tired as fuck. Do you wanna grab a movie and eat some crap?"  
  
"Yea, sure! I'll grab some stuff on my way home! See you later."  
  
She pressed the end button and turned her attention back to Lexa, who was messing with her own phone.  
  
"Sorry," she said, getting the brunette's attention. "I... have to go now. I'm meeting a friend."  
  
Lexa smiled at her and nodded.  
  
"Thank you for not leaving and I'm sorry about your shirt and... everything else," Lexa looked like she really meant those words.   
  
Clarke walked towards the main door followed by Lexa. She grabbed her jacket and bag from the receptionist and turned her attention back to the brunette.  
  
"Alright then, thank you for introducing me to Dante Wallace. It really meant a lot to me."  
  
"It was my pleasure. I'm glad you enjoyed your night despite the bad start."  
  
Clarke smiled and waved goodbye, turning around. As she started walking, she thought that she actually had a great time and remembered the things Octavia said to her earlier.  
  
 _Don't you think it's time for you to let things go? Not everyone wants to fuck with you._  
  
She stopped and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Without thinking much, she turned around again and walked back inside the gallery. She saw Lexa talking to someone and approached the girl, poking her shoulder. As the brunette turned to face her, she extended her arm.  
  
"Hi. I'm Clarke."  
  
"Hello, Clarke. I'm...confused," the brunette said, briefly taking her hand.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry I was a dick to you. I know what happened in the park was an accident and you were just trying to make things right. But I'm a fucked up idiot and overreacted. I did the same thing today and, again, you were nothing but nice to me," she paused to analyse the brunette's expression but the only thing she could see was the small smile on her lips. "So I guess I'm just trying to start over."  
  
She felt extremely vulnerable in that moment. She stared at the floor while trying to organise her thoughts. That was hard. Octavia was her only friend, and she really didn't feel comfortable around anyone else. For a second, she regreted the decision and felt extremely stupid.  
  
"I mean, I'm not assuming that you would have any interest in starting over 'cause, you know, you have your office and your gallery and all other million things I'm sure you have to do and people to hang out with so yeah I'm just being stupid to think that you'd want to..."  
  
"Hello," the brunette interrupted Clarke's rant with a smile, offering her hand. "I'm Lexa."  
  



	5. Points of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have different points of view on the evening. Or do they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for the amazing feedback! I promise that the romance is coming, but we need a tiny bit more build up! Hopefully, it will be worthy!  
> Thank you my dear friend Din for all the help!  
> Nex update will probably be mid week but it might be only next weekend! I'll do my best, promise!  
> Hit me on Tumblr, I'm once-upon-a-sass!

Chapter 5 - Points of View.  
  
Lexa stood in the area of the gallery that held her small exhibition. She looked at her own photos but her thoughts were elsewhere. She had a smile on her face, although she couldn't tell why.   
"If I didn't know you better, I'd say you had fun tonight."  
  
The brunette was brought back from her thoughts by Anya, who stood by the doorway holding a glass of wine.  
  
"And why would that be such a surprise?" Lexa asked, mockingly.  
  
"Because you're allergic to fun." Anya teased. "What did I miss?"  
  
"Not much. Clarke Griffin was here."  
  
"Was she now? Did you break anything of hers this time?" Anya took a few steps inside the room and leaned against a wall.  
  
Lexa pressed her eyes at her friend's joke.  
  
"No. I did, however, spill red wine onto her white top. But at least this time it was not entirely my fault. She collided with me while looking at her phone."  
  
Any shook her head while she laughed.  
  
"Well, if she didn't dislike you enough yet, I guess now you've sealed the deal. Cheers to that." The woman raised her glass.  
  
"Very funny, Anya. But actually, you are wrong. She did want to leave at first, yes, but I convinced her to come upstairs with me to change and..."  
  
"You took her to the loft?"   
  
The brunette opened her eyes wide with the interruption.  
  
"You actually took a human being other than me into your house?" Anya asked, perplexed.  
  
"Well, I couldn't just let her leave with wine all over her."  
  
"Yes, you could. I am glad you didn't though. She is cute!"  
  
"Don't be daft, Anya. I was only trying to help her."  
  
Lexa felt slightly angry for having to explain herself to Anya. Her friend knew exactly how to pick on her.  
  
"Right... What happened up there?" Anya kept pushing.  
  
"Nothing happened. She was blatantly uncomfortable so I tried to make conversation. She said she liked Dante's work so I introduced them. And then she was leaving but..."  
  
Lexa stopped herself and got back to the moment when Clarke walked back to speak to her.   
  
"But what? Spill it out!"  
  
"She came back. It was really unexpected. She introduced herself to me as if we were meeting for the first time. Then she apologised. She said she was fucked up. And that she wanted to start over."  
  
"Looks like your wooing techniques are not so bad after all, hey?"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, Anya." Lexa felt her anger grow bigger at Anya's persistence.  
  
"That girl is cute, why don't you just have some fun?"  
  
The brunette sighed and turned her back, walking towards the door.  
  
"I don't have time for this."  
  
She watched as Anya rushed towards her and stood on her way.  
  
"Lexa, all you do is work. Either with your camera or in this gallery. You don't have any friends other than me. You have to give yourself a break, kiddo."  
  
Lexa faced the floor, trying to control her anger.   
  
"I gave myself a break once," She raised her head and faced her friend with pain in her eyes. "I think we both remember how that ended."   
  
"It wasn't your fault, Lexa. You can't keep punishing yourself like this." Lexa could see the worried expression of her friend.  
  
"I have to get back to work."  
  
Lexa walked out the doorway into the main gallery room. She sighed deeply and pursed her lips, trying to regain composure. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet.  
  


* * *

  
"Do you want more pizza?" Clarke extended her arm, offering another slice to her friend who laid by her side.  
  
"I can't fit a grain of sand inside of me. Why do I do this to myself?"  
  
The blonde giggled seeing Octavia twisting and turning on the floor after eating more pizza than she should have.  
  
"You always do that, O. You're a monster." She said laughing.  
  
She watched as Octavia stood up and walked towards the kitchen area, opening the fridge and grabbing two bottles of beer. The girl walked back and sat next to her, offering one of the bottles.  
  
"How was the exhibition? It's quite surprising that you didn't spend the whole night talking about it."  
  
"It was fine. Well, it started badly, but then it was quite unbelievable. I met Dante Wallace."  
  
"No way! I mean, that doesn't mean a lot to me but you're always on about the guy! How come you met him?"  
  
"Lexa introduced us." Clarke said casually, facing the bottle in her hand.  
  
The blonde turned to look at Octavia who didn't carry on talking and frowned when noticed that the brunette was starring at her with a suspicious look.  
  
"What?" She asked, giggling.  
  
"Excuse me, I'm confused," the brunette said shaking her head. "Lexa as in the girl who made you drop your shit in the lake? As in the girl you were so angry at?"  
  
"If I remember well, you said I should let things go." Clarke said, taking a sip of her beverage.  
  
"Hold up, Princess. You better start telling me this story from the beginning!" Octavia crossed her legs turning to face Clarke.  
  
"There's not much to tell. I arrived, took a glass of wine from the reception, got your text and as I was replying I bumped into her and dropped the wine on my top. She took me upstairs to her loft and lent me a top of hers so I didn't have to leave and we went back downstairs. That's when she introduced me to Dante Wallace. Then you called me and here we are."  
  
"So, you're telling me so casually that you went to the girl's flat? And you talked enough for her to know that you were a fan of the painter? How come she knows him anyway?"  
  
"She owns the gallery. Dante Wallace was her grandfather's best friend." Clarke tried to keep the casual tone.  
  
"You're hiding something, Clarke. What are you not telling me?"  
  
"I'm not hiding anything, Octavia. Calm your tits."  
  
"Bullshit. I know you, Princess! Every time you go to art exhibitions you come back talking about it like a fucking machine. You didn't say a word about this one. And you were smiling during the whole movie. You can't just smile during A.I.!"  
  
"I was not smiling!"  
  
"Yes you were! Now come on! Tell me!"  
  
"I hate you!" Clarke said, jokingly. "It was just awkward, O. I don't feel comfortable around anyone, you know that. And she was being really nice to me. I felt like an idiot for treating her so badly but I couldn't help it. When the art supplies arrived here the only thing that crossed my mind was that day, years ago. And well, you know me." She stared at the floor for a few seconds, mind lost in the past. Taking a deep breath, she looked at her friend. "I guess she was just trying to make conversation because I was so awkward, and at some point she said the gallery was her family's and Dante Wallace was a family friend. Next thing I know, I'm shaking the hand of one of the artists that inspires me the most and I'm pinching myself to make sure that was real."  
  
"Did you literally pinch yourself? You're such a dork, Clarke."  
  
Clarke didn't take notice of her friend's mocking words as her mind was back in the gallery, as if the evening was on repeat inside her head.  
  
"I saw some of her pictures and she said nature was her favourite subject too." She took another deep breath. "And then your voice, Octavia, echoed inside my head."  
  
Clarke smiled at the confused expression of her friend's.  
  
"I was leaving, feeling like shit, really. I was such a dick to Lexa and she was nice to me all the time, so I thought of what you said, about letting things go. I ended up turning back, apologising to her and asking if she wanted to start over."  
  
The blonde watched as Octavia's eyes grew wider. She started laughing as the brunette clapped her hands at the end of the story.  
  
"So, what now?" Octavia asked.  
  
"I don't know. Anyway, it doesn't matter really. I guess I just said those things 'cause I felt bad. But now I apologised, I got my materials so that's it. Life goes on."  
  
"Life goes on? Is that it? You interact normally with another person for the first time in fuck knows how long and that's all you can come up with? Life goes on?"  
  
"I interact with you every day, Octavia."  
  
"Come on, Clarke, you're not that stupid. You know what I mean."  
  
"No, O. I don't. Should we watch another movie?"  
  
"Princess, you just told me you had a good time, that the girl was nice to you. You both like art and shit, why don't you think about having more than one friend?"  
  
"I don't need more than one friend. I don't feel comfortable around other people. You know it."  
  
Clarke felt like she was starting to lose her patience.  
  
"Yea but Princess, maybe it's time for you to start letting people in, trusting people, don't you think?"  
  
"I trust you." Clarke said in between her teeth.  
  
She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to trust anyone else. She didn't understand why her friend was bringing this up when she knew how much of a sensitive subject it was. She looked at the brunette trying to say with her eyes that that conversation was over but Octavia didn't seem to get it.  
  
"And god knows how long it took for you to stop treating me like I was about to kill you. And look at us, we are alright! You can't just act like everyone will do the same thing that douchebag did to you."  
  
"I can't help it, Octavia! Why can't you just leave it?" Clarke stood up feeling her face warm and tears threatening to form in her eyes. Walking towards the kitchen area she placed both hands on the counter and leaned against it.  
  
"It was a mistake. I shouldn't have turned back to talk to her, I shouldn't have said anything." The blonde said with a coarse voice.  
  
"No, Clarke, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you." She felt Octavia approaching and standing by her side. "It was not a mistake. I know it's scary but you took a big step tonight and I think it's amazing. You should be proud of yourself!"  
  
Clarke felt a tear fall from her eyes onto the counter.   
  
"I wish none of that shit had happened. I wish I never met that asshole. He fucked me up so bad, O. I wish I hadn't trusted him. "  
  
Clarke's voice was full of regret. Full of the pain caused by someone else. Her trust was betrayed and it made her break. She was broken, she lost the ability of trusting anyone.  She just wanted to be normal again. She wanted to not be scared of getting to know people.  
  
"Yea but the past is in the past Princess. You see, if that didn't happen, we wouldn't have met, right? And you wouldn't be this adorkable mess."  
  
Clarke looked up and smiled at her friend. The brunette was indeed the only good outcome from all that happened in the past.   
  
"Would you stay over tonight? I didn't want to be alone." The blonde asked, eyes still moist.  
  
"As long as you keep it in your pants." Octavia said laughing and walking back to the lounge area of the small flat.  
  
Clarke laughed back and pretended to punch the brunette on the arm. They sat on the bed, and Clarke grabbed the square box from the bedside table.  
  
"More pizza?" She said, offering the open box to her friend.  
  
The blonde laughed as Octavia looked at the box thoughtfully, and released a big sigh, grabbing another slice.  
  
"Why the fuck not."


	6. With a Little Help From My Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like accidents are their thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you so much for the feedback. Really, I never expected you guys to be so nice to me! I love this story and I love that you guys like it too!!  
> Let me let you know that I have an important test coming on the 1st of May so, until then, I'll update only once a week. I apologise in advance.  
> Secondly, this chapter was not properly beta'd so if you spot any typos or grammar mistakes, let me know! I'm sorry about that as well!  
> Thank you again, for everything, guys!  
> I'm [once-upon-a-sasss](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com) on Tumblr! Hit me!

Chapter 6 - With a Little Help From My Friend

Lexa was sitting in her parked car for the last 10 minutes. She was feeling nervous but she wasn't quite sure why. That was no big deal. Enter the building, knock on the door, hand over the tank top, get hers back and leave. Simple and easy. There was no need for conversation, no need for anything other than the very purpose of her visit.

She thought that she should have warned Clarke of her intentions of coming over to the blonde's flat to give back the top she left in her apartment three days ago, but she realised that she didn't have the number. The only information she had was the address. Clarke did not contact her in the past days; she had her phone number, it was on the business card she stapled to the note she sent with the girl's wallet. But still, no contact. Lexa thought that maybe the blonde didn't want to start over after all. Maybe she was just being nice, to make up for the moments in which she was rude and that was it. Sat in her car, she thought that coming all the way to the girl's flat was, perhaps, a bad idea. But she was there now. She had Clarke's top and she wanted her own back. Or at least that's what she was telling herself. With a deep breath, she opened the car door and stepped out, walking towards the building's entrance.

She went up the stairs and stood in front of the apartment door. Kocking three times, she waited for the answer and felt even more nervous as she saw it starting to open.

"Can I help you?"

Lexa pressed her eyes in confusion when she saw a pretty brunette.

"I'm sorry, is this Clarke Griffin's apartment?"

"Yes it is, but she is not in, she's at work."

"Oh. Alright. Would it be ok if I leave this here? It's a tank top of hers that I wanted to return."

Lexa watched as the girl took the bag from her hands never losing eye contact. She noticed that the girl also had confusion in her eyes. She timidly smiled and nodded, starting to turn around to go away when she heard the girl speaking.

"Wait a minute, who are you?" The girl had a curious tone in her voice.

"Alexandria," she said, facing the girl. "I'm sorry to disturb you, I just..."

"Ah... So you're Lexa, aren't you?"

Lexa widened her eyes at the interruption, wondering how the strange girl knew who she was. She wondered if Clarke spoke of how they met and at the same time she felt surprised that she mentioned her at all.

"Yes."

"I'm Octavia, nice to see that the name has a face."

"Excuse me?" Lexa felt really confused.

"I'll tell you what, Lexa," she watched as the girl picked a piece of paper and a pen and started scribbling something. "Clarke works at The Ark, a cafe/bar not far from here."

Lexa picked up the paper the girl offered her and saw the cafe's address written down. She looked at Octavia who had a mischievous look in her face.

"I think you should go there and personally return her top." The girl said, giving the bag back to Lexa.

"Are you sure? I don't want to bother her while she's working." Lexa said with uncertainty.

"Oh darling, don't worry. Clarke loves to be bothered. She wouldn't be friends with me if she didn't." The girl said, jokingly. "When you see her, tell her that I said she's welcome."

* * *

Clarke wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Leaning over the counter, she reached for a tall glass and filled it with steaming milk. Adding two shots of fresh strong coffee, she sprikled cocoa powder on top and placed on the tray.

"One skinny latte with no sugar." She said as she handed the glass to a customer.

She started to make her way back to the counter when she heard her boss speaking.

"Clarke, table six."

"I'm on it." She said as the turned again to check on the customer. "Hi! Can I get you anyth... Lexa?" She raised her eyebrows and looked to the brunette in surprise.

"Hello Clarke."

"Hi! I've never seen you here before."

"That would be because I've never been here before."

"Did you know I work here?"

"I found out less than an hour ago."

Clarke looked at Lexa with confusion in her eyes. What did she mean? Did she go to the cafe on purpose to see her? That didn't make any sense.

"Your friend, Octavia, told me you work here." Lexa said, noticing the confusion in Clarke's eyes. "She also asked me to tell you that you're welcome. Although I don't understand what she means."

"You met Octavia?"

Clarke's confusion grew even bigger. She opened her mouth to ask another question when she heard her boss calling her again.

"Clarke, table eight!"

She turned her head and looked at the man who seemed to be impatient.

"I'm sorry, I'll be right..."

"Can I have a small capuccino please?" Lexa ordered. "Is it ok if I just order something? Then maybe I won't put you in trouble."

"Small capuccino, right. Although, I am finishing my shift in 15 minutes so I dont really have time to get in toruble."

"Better be a take out cup then." Lexa said with a timid smile.

Clarke smiled and nodded, turning to serve the customers who waited at table eight. She returned to the counter and started to prepare the orders. Every now and then she looked back at table six; Lexa would be messing with her phone or looking out the window. A couple of times, their gazes accidentally met and Clarke felt her cheeks blushing.

She finished cleaning up her station and went to a back room to get changed.

"Are we all good for Saturday, Mr Kane?" She asked her boss.

"Sure. Keep your phone close, I might need you before, if it's ok."

"Always! Just call me." She grabbed her bag and a take out cup and walked towards Lexa's table, sitting across.

"Here is your coffee, sorry it took me so long."

"It's fine."

Clarke watched as the brunette placed a plastic bag on the table and pushed slightly in her direction.

"I just wanted to return your top. I went to your apartment earlier. That's how I met Octavia."

"And she sent you here...Right?"

"Right. Is it a problem?" The brunette asked noticing when Clarke shook her head.

"No, no. It's not a problem at all. It's just Octavia, she is hopeless." Clarke said with a smile on her face. "I'm sorry she made you come all the way here."

"She didn't make me. It was my choice to come. Also, it's not that much of a long way from your apartment anyway."

Clarke felt the uneasy sensation growing inside of her again. She didn't know how to deal with that. She was out of her comfort zone and had no idea how to behave.

"So... You like coffee?"

The blonde closed her eyes again much like she did in Lexa's flat. Another stupid question. Once again, she was brought back from her self-loathing moment by the brunette's laughter.

"Stupid question... I'm good at those." Clarke said shyly.

"I actually prefer cocoa. With little marshmallows." Lexa said smiling.

"That is a really good choice of beverage," Clarke said with a serious but joky tone in her voice. "Especially if you have some cookies on the side."

"Can't go wrong with cocoa and cookies." Lexa kept the seriousness.

Clarke stared at the brunette who sipped on her coffee with a small grin on her face. For a second, she felt slightly more at ease but the feeling went away as an awkward silence took place. For some reason, she couldn't bring herself to say anything and at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to take her eyes off Lexa. She took a deep breath when she noticed how intensely she was staring, lowering her eyes to the floor.

"Well, I better leave you to enjoy the rest of your day. How much is for the coffee?" Lexa started to stand up.

"Don't worry. That one is on me."

"Oh. Thank you, then. I appreciate it." Lexa nodded and smiled softly.

Clarke started to make her way to the door followed by the brunette who still held her coffee cup.

"My car is parked near your building." Lexa said starting to walk by Clarke's side.

"You're lucky for finding parking space. It's usually crowded."

"It it? Seems like a quiet area."

"Yea but there's not a lot of space for people who are coming to The Ark. Especially in the evening when people are coming to the bar."

"Do you work at the bar too?"

"Sometimes. I prefer to stay in the cafe, if I can choose. Not having to worry about drunken douchebags and about how I look is always a plus."

"I wouldn't say that the way you look is a subject for worrying."

Clarke watched as the brunette's eyes went wide and her cheeks went red. As if she didn't mean to say that out loud. The blond felt her own cheeks going warm and she stared at the floor in silence. Was the girl flirting with her? No, that wouldn't make any sense.

They stopped in front of Clarke's building and stood in silence for a short moment.

"Altight then. Thank you for bringing me my top." Clarke said awkwardly.

"That is fine. Do you know the best route to go back to the gallery?" Lexa asked.

Clarke took a step foward getting closer to Lexa.

"Sure! You drive down and turn left." She started explaining and pointing towards the end of the road. "Then you turn right after like 300 meters." Pointing again, she felt her hand coliding with something. As she turned her head to face Lexa, her eyes grew wide with the brunette's expression. She looked down and saw the take out coffee cup on the floor and Lexa's arms slightly opened. On the brunette's middle section, a broad coffee stain was taking over the fabric.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry Lexa. Shit, I'm so, so sorry." Clarke felt like digging a hole on the flood and burying herself in it. She looked straight at the wet brown patch spreading fast on Lexa's shirt and cringed her teeth, feeling extremely embarrassed.

"This is very hot." Lexa said in a plain voice.

"Excuse-me?" Clarke raised her head and faced the brunette in confusion.

"The coffee, Clarke." Lexa said as a small grin grew on her lips.

"Oh... Yes, of course, shit!" She brought her hand to her forehead trying to think about what to do in that situation. "I know! I have your top! I'ts upstairs and it's clean! Let's just go get it and you'll be ok! I can clean this one for you, I'm so sorry, Lexa. I really didn't mean to do this"

She watched as Lexa took a deep breath but oddly enough, the brunette still held a small smile on her face.

"I'm really sorry. It was an accident." Clarke said quietly.

"It's fine, Clarke." The brunette said, starting to walk towards the entrance of the building. "It looks like accidents are our thing."

* * *

"Hey, O! I'm back!" Clarke opened her flat door and motioned with her head to invite Lexa in.

"Hey Princess, welcome home. I see you've got company." Octavia had a mischievous grin on her face.

"I'm sure you're very surprised." Clarke said sarcasticaly, pressing her eyes at her friend. "Did the guys show up?"

"Yes, m'am. They actually only just left. Your internet is fixed. I might or might not have eaten all your M&M's while waiting."

Clarke sighed and shook her head.

"I guess that's alright." She said laughing. "Thanks, O. You're a life saver."

She quickly hugged her friend and went to her wardrobre. She oepened the door and took Lexa's top from the inside, along with a small towel. Walking back towards the brunette, she handed over the fabrics.

"Deja vu, anyone?" She said smiling.

Clarke watched as Lexa grabbed the towel and her own top and went to the bathroom to change. The brunette got back to the main room and handed the towel back to Clarke who took it and put it away.

"Let's just hope this is not going to happen too often." Lexa said.

"Does that mean that you want to spend time with Clarke often?"

Clarke and Lexa turned to face Octavia, who was sitting on the top of the kitchen counter and snacking on a packet of potato chips while staring at them.

"Octavia, honestly!" Clarke felt her cheeks going warm with her friend's interruption.

"I don't see why not." Lexa said.

Clarke looked at Lexa with surprise in her eyes.

"Unless, of course, you don't want to." The brunette said, facing the floor.

"Of course she wants to!" Octavia interrupted again. "I'll tell you what, Clarke, since your social skills are pretty much non existent, I'll give you an idea." She turned to face Lexa. "Lexa, do you know that nature reserve right by the edge of the town?"

"I know of it but I've never been there." Lexa said, suspicious.

"It's a beautiful place. I go there sometimes to paint." Clarke said in a shy tone.

"There you go!" Octavia continued. "Clarke, why don't you take Lexa there? You told me that she likes photographing nature. You like painting nature. So you guys can just go there and do your thing!"

"Octavia, stop!" Clarke snapped at her friend. "You can't do this! You're creating an uncomfortable situation. You can't just assume she will want to do that."

"I would love to." Lexa said, interrupting Clarke's rant.

The blonde turned her head to face Lexa with wide eyes.

"Would you?" Clarke asked in surprise.

"Sure! Only, I'm busy until Saturday." The brunette said to Clarke with an apologetic voice.

"Oh damnit I'm working on Saturday until 4pm."

"I've heard that the sunsets in that place are to die for..." Octavia said, casually.

"Octavia!" Clarke threw a pillow at her friend.

"That sounds lovely! I can pick you up at The Ark and we drive there to see the sunset! I love to photograph sunsets!" Lexa sounded excited.

Clarke took a few steps towards Lexa.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to do this, Octavia is just being a dick."

"You don't want to?"

"No, no, I do. I'd love to. Just don't want you to think you have to do this." Clarke said quietly.

"It's settled then." Lexa said with a smile. "I better go now, still have to go to the office , thank you again for the coffee, Clarke."

Clarke opened the apartment door and faced Lexa. She felt confused and strangely happy and she didn't really know how to deal with that sensation.

"See you on Saturday then?" Lexa asked, bringing Clarke back from her thoughts.

"See you on Saturday."

The blonde closed the door and stood there for a second, processing all that happened. She turned around not noticing that she had a smile on her face. Clarke faced Octavia who had her eyebrows raised, silently mocking the blonde. She took another pillow and threw at her friend.

"Shut up, Octavia!" Clarke said as them both started to laugh.


	7. Not Everyone, Not You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa go to the nature reserve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, folks! Once again, thank you very, very much for the amazing feedback. I really appreciate it!
> 
> There is something I would like to talk about with you before we start: It was brought to my attention the fact that I use a lot of Briticism on my fics. Well, I can't help it. I live in Britain, I speak British english so I can't really avoid using words that maybe will be spelled differently from American or even word usage like trousers/pants. I am trying very hard not to use slangs because then it could be too much but, yeah, I write British. I'm sorry if this puts you off, it is really not intentional. But I don't even know how to use American because I always only learned British english. If you have any doubts regarding this matter, please come chat to me!
> 
> Also, this chapter was not properly beta'd so if you find anything wrong, let me know and I'll fix it!  
> This will probably be the only update onthis fic this week because I'm still studying for my test!
> 
> I'm once-upon-a-sasss on Tumblr, hit me any time!
> 
> That being said, LET THE FLUFF BEGIN!

Chapter 7 - Not Everyone, Not You.

 "Hey kiddo, do you want to go for some dinner?"

Anya approached Lexa's desk and sat on the chair across.

"No, I'm going out tonight. Thank you though." Lexa said without taking her eyes off the computer screen.

After a few seconds, she looked up to a silent and staring Anya, who had one of her eyebrows raised.

"What?"

"You're going out on a Saturday night?"

"Afternoon, technically." Lexa responded, looking back to her computer screen.

"I see... What are you up to?"

"None of your business." She said, jokingly.

"Outch. I'm hurt, Lexa. You hurt me." Anya put her hand on the left side of her chest dramatically.

Lexa stood up, starting to gather her belongings.

"I'm going to check that nature reserve by the edge of town. I've been told that the sunset over there is amazing. You know how I love to photograph sunsets."

Walking towards the glass cabinet, she took one camera body and a couple of lenses. Crouching down, she reached for a tripod and a shutter release remote control. She opened a large bag and carefully placed the items in their assigned compartments.

"Are you gonna bail on me for a sunset? Come on, you've photographed thousands of sunsets and the nature reserve will still be there past tonight!" Anya insisted.

"I'm not bailing on you for a sunset, Anya. Don't be such a drama queen. Besides, I'm sure you have plenty of other options."

"Actually, I don't. I'll come with you then. We can go for food after the sunset!" The woman said, excited.

"No!" Lexa widened her eyes and quickly responded to Anya's suggestion.

She watched as the woman pressed her eyes and walked towards her.

"What is going on, Lexa?" Anya crouched down by Lexa's side and stared at the brunette with worried eyes.

Lexa sighed and looked at the floor.

"I'm going with Clarke." She said in a very quiet voice, almost a whisper, as if she was confessing a crime.

"Aw, kiddo! Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I just did." Lexa still stared at the floor. "It doesn't mean anything, okay? She knows I like to take nature shots and she invited me to check that place out." She got defensive for some reason though she couldn't understand why.

"You don't have to get defensive, Lexa. Honestly, I think this is great, it's really good for you." Any stood up. "Anyway, I'm gonna finish my editing and head home then. I hope your date goes smoothly." The woman said joking, already knowing what kind of reaction she would have from the brunette.

"It's not a date!" Lexa raised her head looking angry.

"Of course not." Anya said, laughing.

Lexa finished placing her equipment in her bag and stood up. She put the camera bag straps on her shoulders and walked towards her desk. Turning off her computer, she grabbed her hand bag and walked towards the door. She stopped and sighed, looking at the floor.

"I don't know what I'm doing." She said, not looking at her friend.

"Relax, kiddo. You're just going to take some photos and have some fun. No biggie. Right?" Anya tried to reassure the brunette.

"Right." Lexa said, sighing again. "See you later then."

"I hope not!" Anya said loudly as the brunette walked off.

* * *

 

Clarke sat by the curb in front of The Ark. It was ten minutes past 4pm and she stared at her phone with a lot of thoughts in her mind. Lexa was ten minutes late and she didn't seem to be the type of person who gets late. She started to think that probably the girl thought that it was a bad idea after all. She thought that Lexa was probably just being polite when she accepted the invitation. Maybe she just didn't want to embarrass her in front of Octavia. She wished her friend was not so nosy

Fifteen past four and she lowered her head, facing the floor. Of course she is not coming. Maybe is for the best. Maybe she should just carry on with her life the way it was; having Octavia as a friend and focusing only on saving money for art school and practising as much as she could to build a good portfolio. She couldn't tell, however, why she felt her chest so heavy.

Clarke looked at her phone again; it was twenty past four. She took a deep breath and stood up. She felt sad; disappointed. She should know better, people are usually not to be trusted. She wondered why she said ok to all that. Lexa was clearly a busy person, she wouldn't just spare so many hours of her day to go to a silly nature reserve with a girl she doesn't even know properly.

She took a last look on her phone, it was twenty-five past four. She pursed her lips and sighed, turning around and starting to walk away from The Ark. She took a couple of steps when she heard someone calling her name.

"Hey, Clarke!"

She turned back and saw wide green eyes and a sweaty face running towards her. She felt her lips opening in a smile and she could do nothing to control it.

"I'm sorry! I got stuck in traffic! Were you leaving?" Clarke watched as Lexa controlled her panting breathing with a deep breath.

"I... I thought you changed your mind." She said timidly.

"Why would I?" Lexa questioned.

"Why wouldn't you?"

She faced the brunette who looked back at her with a confused expression. She took in the image of the girl in front of her. Lexa was wearing skinny jeans and a vest with a black jacket. Her hair was carefully secured on a braid. It was a simple look but Clarke couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked.

"Well, I didn't change my mind." Lexa said, decisive, bringing Clarke back from her thoughts. "And I realised that I could have let you know that I was on my way if I had your number."

"Oh, right. I didn't realise you didn't have it." Clarke took her phone from her pocket and created a new contact. She handed over the phone to Lexa. "I don't really have yours either. I mean I have it on the business card but I forgot to add to my contacts."

She watched as the brunette took the device and typed her own number in. She took the phone back from the girl's hands along with her own and she typed her phone number in her contacts.

"There you go. No more miscommunication."Lexa said with a smile.

"We better get going, it's a 40 minutes drive to the nature reserve." Clarke put her phone back in her pocket and faced the brunette.

"Where is your stuff?" Lexa said, noticing the Clarke only had a backpack.

"I'm just taking a sketch book. I thought that since you want to take photos,it would be a bit of a pain to have the easel and shit 'cause I need to stay at the same place for quite a while to be able to paint. With the book I can just quick sketch while you take your photos and we can walk around."

"Oh! That is really nice of you, Clarke."

Clarke felt the familiar sensation of warm cheeks and timidly smiled at Lexa.

"Let's go then!"

Clarke watched as Lexa turned around and followed her to the car that was parked almost in front of The Ark. She opened the passenger door and got in, putting her bag on the back seat. She turned to face Lexa who was putting the key in the ignition. She remained silent for the first moments of the journey, too shy and self aware to say anything.

Once again, she saw herself outside her comfort zone and the idea of it hit her like a rock. She didn't know what to say or what to do. If she should start a conversation or if Lexa would prefer driving in the quiet. She caught herself turning to stare at the brunette more often than not and she wondered if the girl had noticed. She decided to look outside the window and tried her best to keep her eyes on the view. She didn't want to make this whole situation more awkward than it already was.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the view outside the window started to change from buildings and people to trees and animals. Looking at her phone, Clarke noticed that only 15 minutes had passed. She sighed and put her phone back in her pocket.

"You okay over there? You're awfully quiet." She heard the brunette speaking for the first time since they got in the car. Lexa still had her eyes on the road but quickly turned her face to the blonde.

"Yeah, I'm ok." She said timidly. "I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if you like to talk when driving or if you're more of a quiet driver."

She heard Lexa's quiet laughter and the sound of it made her smile.

"You really thought I'd leave you hanging, didn't you?" Lexa's question made her eyes grow wide.

"Yes..." She said quietly.

"Why?"

She faced the brunette not knowing what to say. After a moment, she decided that the best thing to do would be to tell the truth. With a deep breath, she turned her head to the window once more.

"Because that's what people do." She said in a whisper.

"Well, not everyone." Lexa said.

Clarke faced the brunette again and felt a small smile grow on her lips.

"Apparently, not you." Clarke replied, still smiling.

* * *

 

Clarke stepped out the car and stretched her arms and legs. She took her bag from the back seat and put it on her back. After closing the car door, she walked towards Lexa who was getting her bag from the boot.

"That is a big bag!" She said in surprise.

"I know, right. But it fits everything I need." She said as she reached to grab her tripod. "Well, almost everything." She completed with a smile.

The blonde started to walk towards the entrance of the nature reserve and took her sketch book and a pencil from her backpack. She took in the view around her and opened the book on a blank page.

She looked back at Lexa and smiled at the girl's expression.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Very! I'm excited!"

She watched as Lexa put her bag on the ground and opened it, taking out the camera body and one lens. The brunette fitted the lens onto the camera and put the strap around her neck, pulling her braided hair from under it.

"Wow, what a cool camera! I'd never be able to use something like this."

"It's dead easy. It takes a bit of practise to get all the functions but once you get used to it, it becomes second nature."

Clarke smiled at Lexa as they carried on walking on the path between the trees. Every now and then, Clarke would look back at the brunette who pointed her camera to anything and everything, taking dozens of photos in a matter of minutes.

After a few minutes, they reached the top of a hill. There was a big tree and a bench by it with a little sign.

_Sunset Viewpoint_

"This is it." Clarke said, sitting on the bench. "The best place to see the sunset. hence the name of the viewpoint."

She watched as Lexa took off her jacket and placed it on the bench.

"Nice ink." She said noticing a large tribal tattoo on Lexa's arm.

"Thank you. It's a family thing." The brunette explained as looked at her own tattoo.

While Lexa started to put up her tripod up, the blonde started to doodle on her book without really noticing what she was doing.

As the sun started to set, Clarke followed Lexa with her eyes while the brunette finished her set up and started to photograph the landscape. She turned the page of her sketch book and started tracing another doodle.

She took her eyes off the page and looked up. It was an orange sunset and the small clouds near the sun made the colours even more vibrating. There was a mild wind and the birds were flocking to the top of the trees. From the viewpoint, almost the whole of the nature reserve could be seen. Tall trees, small areas of heathland and a lake by the horizon. The sun reflected on the water making the scene even more pleasing to the eyes.

Clarke felt at ease. It was a good feeling. There was not much talking going on betwen Lexa and herself but she didn't mind. She kept drawing and the brunette kept taking photos and enjoying the view, and they exchanged quick smiles every so often. It was nice. The blonde thought she could easily get used to this. It was strange and scary in a way but she felt like she could handle it.

"What are you drawing there?" Clarke was brought back from her thoughts and noticed that Lexa stood right in front of here.

She quickly raised her sketch book an pressed it against her chest, trying to hide her drawings.

"Nothing much. Just doodles." She said, feeling her cheeks going warm.

"Can I see it?"

The brunette had a friendly smile on her face that made Clarke feel bad about not showing her the drawings. She took a deep breath and handed over the book, watching as the brunette's eyes grew wide.

Great, now she thinks I'm a creep. She thought.

She faced the floor, feeling shy as Lexa sat by her side, turning the book to the previous page, also full of doodles. She started to panic as the brunette was still silent, looking at the drawings. She shouldn't have done that, she thought. She should have paid attention to her hand instead of letting it work freely. She should have looked at the trees and the birds and the horizon. She should not have thought about the smile or the green eyes. She should not have drawed that many pictures of Lexa.

"You were drawing me this whole time?" The brunette asked.

"Well, they are just quick sketches, more of gesture drawing really. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a creep or anything." Clarke was still staring at the floor.

"I love them."

The blonde raised her head and look at Lexa who still stared at the doodles. The brunette had a wide smile on her face. The exact smile Clarke was thinking of when her hand started to work of its own accord.

"Thank you." She said, timidly.

"No, thank _you_."

Clarke felt her heart skip a beat as Lexa looked up and met her gaze. She blinked a few times trying to understand what was going on inside her head. Her heart was beating fast and she had no idea why. For some reason, it was relieving to know that the girl actually liked her drawings instead of thinking it was weird or creepy. They held each other's gazes for a moment until Lexa stood up and offered her hand to Clarke, who looked at her in confusion.

"Do you want to try to work the camera?" The brunette asked.

Clarke nodded and stood up, taking Lexa's hand. She let herself be pulled by the brunette to the tripod and watched as the girl detached the camera from the base. Lexa offered the device to Clarke who took it carefully. It was heavy and quite big.

She stepped towards Lexa and put the strap around her own neck. Taking a deep breath, she brought the camera to her face and looked at the landscape through the viewfinder.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." She said while holding the camera against her eye.

She felt Lexa approaching her and standing right behind her. The brunette took a step forward and the front of her body slightly touched Clarke's back, making the blonde inhale sharply. She felt as Lexa's arms surrounded her and the girl's hands met her own over the camera.

"You put your left hand under the lens, it's easier to balance it like this." The brunette spoke very quietly while moving both their left hands to under the lens. "You hold the grip with the right hand and use your index finger to press the shutter button over here," she felt Lexa's finger bringing her own up to the shutter release button. "and to change the aperture if needed, down here." She brought her finger down to a small wheel, slightly beneath the button. "You use your thumb back here to change she shutter speed." Lexa placed Clarke's thumb over a second wheel on the back of the camera.

"It would be nice if I knew what all of this means." Clarke said in a whisper.

She felt goosebumps as the brunette giggled by her ear.

"Look into the viewfinder. Do you see a little level line on the bottom? Turn the wheels until the level is on zero. Then you're good to go."

Clarke's breathing was frantic and she couldn't help but think that, after the explanation, Lexa could have taken a step back. But the brunette was still there, lightly pressing her body to her back and she felt like she had no control of her thoughts or actions. She tried to focus on the image she was seeing through the viewfinder but it was hard to concentrate when she was feeling the girl's breath on the back of her neck.

"Alright, it's on zero." She said.

"You put your finger on the shutter button then, and press it ever so slightly." Lexa pressed her finger over Clarke's very lightly. "This way we focus before shooting. Do you see it focusing?"

"Yeah..."

Clarke held her breath as she felt Lexa's finger pressing harder against hers, actioning the shutter release. She released it after the girl put her hand down. The blonde took the camera away from her face and looked at the LCD screen that showed the photograph she had just taken. With a smile, she started to turn around.

"Not that ba..."

For a second, she had forgotten about how close to her Lexa was. As she turned around, her nose gently brushed against the brunette's, making Clarke stop breathing. Without moving, she lowered her gaze to the girl's lips and back to her eyes, that were fixed on her own. She thought for a second, Lexa could have moved away, even slightly but the girl was still there, her face only an inch away from Clarke's own and her gaze locked on the blonde's. She felt the girl's scent penetrating her nostrils; a mix of perfume and something else that was just Lexa.

Without thinking anymore, Clarke closed her eyes and the distance between them. Lexa's lips were soft, like the most delicate velvet. The kiss was gentle, careful, slow, as if they could break each other at any harder touch. Clarke felt Lexa's hand touching her elbow as she tilted her head a little and placed her free hand on the girl's lower back. She could almost feel the brunette's heart beating against her own chest. She opened her mouth ever so slightly to capture Lexa's bottom lip between her own.

A million thoughts were spinning in Clarke's head. She had no control whatsoever on the situation. She couldn't help but lean forward to meet Lexa's lips and she didn't understand why. She felt drawn to her yet she barely knew her. She tried to make connections inside her brain, tried to make sense but she couldn't. All she could feel was Lexa's lips against hers.

After a moment, she felt Lexa pulling back but only just. She opened her eyes and faced the brunette who stared into her eyes. They held the silence for a moment, both of them with confusion and doubt in their eyes.

"Was that an accident?" Lexa asked in a whisper.

"Maybe." Clarke said, letting a small grin grow on her lips. "After all, accidents are our thing." She said as she leaned forward once more.


	8. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do they deal with the kiss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the amazing feedback! I love it so, so much! This time is for real, no more updates this week! I HAVE TO STUDY!
> 
> :D

Chapter 8 - Aftermath

Lexa closed the door behind her and leaned against it. She took a deep breath as slowly lowered her body to the floor. Leaning her head back, she looked at the ceiling of her loft, trying to organise her thoughts. She felt overwhelmed, confused and guilty. And at the same time, she felt happy - a feeling that she could hardly recognise.

She stood up, walking towards the bedroom area of the loft and stopped in front of a small chest of drawers. Opening the first drawer, she took a framed picture from inside and a small notebook. She looked at the frame and a single tear rolled down her cheek. The brunette fondly caressed the photo, walking towards the bed. She looked at the photo of a beautiful brunette that had a kind smile and golden brown eyes. She sat down, putting the framed picture on the bed by her side and opened the notebook. With another deep breath, she took a pen and started to write.

_I am in so much pain and for so, so long._   
_But now, it feels like the pain is starting to go away._

_I met someone. I think you would like her._   
_Her hair is golden like the sunsets we shared and her eyes are blue like the ocean._

_I am scared and I don't know why._

_I don't want to be in pain anymore, and I know you don't want me to be._   
_I'm so sorry, my love. But I have to let you go. At least, I have to try._

_I never had a reason to do this, to let you go. But I feel like now I might do._

_Forgive me._

Lexa lowered her head, tears now rolling freely down her cheeks. She closed the notebook and took the framed picture once more. Bringing the frame against her chest, she closed her eyes as she laid down.

"I'm so sorry..." She said in a whisper as the darkness of the loft took over making her slowly drift off into sleep.

* * *

  
"You did what?"

Octavia sat on the floor of her bedroom as Clarke paced around.

"I lost my fucking mind, O. I don't know why I did it. I just turned around and there she was, an inch away from me and I just... Oh man... She probably thinks I'm a creep or something."

"Wait up Princess, hold the fuck up!" Octavia stood up and closed the bedroom door. "You came all the way to my house after your supposedly platonic trip to the nature reserve and just drop this massive bomb? I don't think so. Tell me everything!"

Clarke sat down on the edge of her friend's bed. She hardly ever went to Octavia's house, mainly because her older brother, Bellamy, was always around and she didn't want to disturb.  
Her best friend's room was small but cozy. A single bed was placed against the wall with a bedside table on the left. By the window, a small desk held some books and the girl's laptop. On the other wall, the wardrobe took almost all the space, and what was left was covered with photographs.

"I just went mental, O. That's it. I drew her instead of drawing the place, and obviously, she asked to see the drawings which made me feel like a creep. She said she loved them. And fucking hell, I don't know why but when she said that I felt so happy. It doesn't make sense!" Clarke stood up and started pacing again. "Next thing I know, she is right behind me, like, properly holding me while showing me how to work her camera and every single drop of self control that I had left my body. I could feel her breathing right on the back of my neck, Octavia, and when I turned to show her the picture I took, well, I... I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to kiss her."

"I did not see that coming, Princess. I mean, that was my goal but I really didn't think you'd take the first step. At least not that soon." Octavia said in a surprised tone.

"I fucked up, O." Clarke said, burying her face in her hands.

"Why would you say that? Did she push you or something?"

"No. She kissed me back. And she was so fucking gentle. I felt like I was made of glass, like both of us were made of glass but it felt right. Like that was exactly how it's supposed to be."

"I don't see why you fucked up, then."

"Because she is so beautiful and I'm a mess. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't even know if I want this, if I'm ready for this. We are so different, Octavia. And I don't want to make the same mistakes again. Also, I'm not even sure if she even liked it. She was all silent afterwards and I have that buzzing feeling in my chest telling me that I'm gonna get hurt again."

"You're overthinking, Clarke. It was just a kiss. Why don't you give yourself a break? Have some fun! Doesn't have to be anything serious, does it?"

"That's what I did last time. Didn't work out really well. I don't think I can handle this, O. I'm feeling things. And I'm so, so fucking scared."

Clarke lowered her head as she felt tears growing on her eyes. She tried to control her breathing as memories of an unhappy past flooded her brain. She wasn't ready for this. She couldn't let herself be led by her feelings again and end up the same way. Broken, hurt, betrayed, alone. She felt Octavia sitting by her side and grabbing her hand.

"You can't live your whole life like this, Princess. You have to let go and give yourself a chance of happiness."

Clarke and Octavia turned their heads in surprise as the bedroom door opened.

"Octavia, did you see my... Hey, Clarke, are you ok?"

A tall, tanned man stood at the door. His short wavy hair fell messily over his forehead as his worried brown eyes aimed Clarke.

"Bellamy, for fucks sake, how many times do I have to tell you to knock?" Octavia quickly stood up and started to push her brother out.

Clarke quickly wiped the tears with the back of her hand and stood up.

"Don't worry, O, I have to go anyway. I'm fine, Bellamy, thank you." She said as she started to walk towards the door.

"You wouldn't be crying if you were alright, would you?" Bellamy insisted.

"I just think I did something wrong; something I shouldn't have done." Clarke said taking a deep breath.

Clarke watched as he knelt in front of her.

"If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven." He said in a jokey tone.

"Wow, Bellamy, thanks. That made me feel loads better." Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled at Octavia's brother.

"Alright, Bell, you did enough damage. I don't know where is whatever the fuck you're looking for so, get out." Octavia pushed her brother out and closed the door.

"You don't have to go. You can stay over if you want."

"No, it's fine. I have to work tomorrow anyway, I better go home and do some drawing."

"Why don't you send Lexa a massage? See what she's up to tomorrow after your shift? Test the waters, maybe?"

"She is working tomorrow. Well, at least that's what she said. She will be in her office the whole day, apparently."

"Alright, Princess. But please, be nice to yourself."

"I'll try." Clarke said as an idea started to brew inside her head.

* * *

 

Lexa entered her office early on Sunday. Placing her bag on the side of the desk, she sat on her chair and starred at the computer screen. Reaching for the bag, she took an USB flash drive and plugged into the computer.

She dragged all the files from the drive into her machine and opened the editing software to start her work. After a few minutes, she raised her eyes when noticed the door opening. The brunette watched as her colleague entered the office and walked straight to her own desk.

"Did you sleep here?" Anya asked without looking at her friend.

"Good morning to you too." Lexa said in response.

"Uh-oh..."

"What?"

"You're in a bad mood. Was your date not very good?"

"It wasn't a date, Anya. And it was alright."

"Alright? It's 10 in the morning, you're already working and you tell me that it was just alright? What happened?"

Lexa took a deep breath but before she could start speaking there was a knock on the door. The brunette went to open and a short man was outside, holding a carrier bag.

"Hello. I have a delivery from The Ark Cafe to Lexa."

Lexa reached out to grab the bag as the man nodded and turned away to leave. She closed the door and walked back to her desk, placing the bag on top of it while sitting down. She opened it and pulled out a takeout coffee cup and a small paper bag. Confused, she took the lid off the cup and saw small white marshmallows floating on a steamy milky brown liquid. Inside the little bag, three chocolate chip cookies were wrapped on a white paper. She unwrapped them and saw a small note written on the paper.

_Can't go wrong with cocoa and cookies._   
_Hope you have a nice day._

_Clarke. xo_

Lexa stared at the note as a broad smile the formed on her lips. She didn't notice Anya walking towards her desk and standing behind her, leaning down to see what was written on the paper.  
She almost jumped on her chair as Anya cleaned her throat to get her attention.

"Anya! What are you doing?"

"Cocoa, cookies, little notes and you're smiling like an idiot. What are you not telling me?"

Lexa sighed while her friend sat on the edge of her desk. She looked down to Clarke's note, smiling again.

"She kissed me."

"She kissed you?" Anya widened her eyes in surprise.

"Yes, Anya. She kissed me." Lexa looked at her friend.

"Wow. How was it?"

"It was... nice. Gentle. Weird. I cried when I got home."

"Why?"

"I felt guilty. You know..." The brunette lowered her eyes once more. "But I made a decision. I don't want to be in pain anymore, Anya. When Clarke kissed me, I felt something; something good. And I realised how much I missed feeling like that." She sighed and shook her head. "To be quite honest, I was pretty sure I ruined it with Clarke, but now she sent me this so, maybe I didn't." The brunette smiled while looking at the note once more.

"Why would you have ruined it?"

"Well, after the kiss I was so confused. I mean, I was happy but I didn't really know how to deal with it so I kinda went silent. We didn't really speak much on the way back. She asked me what I was doing and I just said I would be working all day. She seemed a bit disappointed and all my fears kicked in. I dropped her at her building and she was looking at me before leaving the car and I couldn't bring myself to even look at her. I could see her face with the corner of my eyes and, well, she sighed, said goodnight and left. And I just drove off."

Lexa watched as Anya stood up and took a step towards her, crouching down and looking her in the eyes.

"Lexa, I know you. I saw you growing up. I know what you've been through and I know what scares you. But listen to me; if this girl is making you feel something, feel it. You deserve this, you deserve another chance to be happy."

"What if I screw up like I did last time?" Lexa said in a whisper.

"You didn't screw anything up. It was an accident. You have to let this go. You have to let _her_ go. Do you think she would want you to be like this? Lonely, guilty, in misery? You know she wouldn't. You don't want to be in pain anymore? Then don't. Your chance is right in front of you. Take it."

Lexa looked at her friend for a few moments before letting a smile grow again on her face. Reaching for her bag, she grabbed her phone and started typing.

* * *

 

"How do I look?"

Clarke looked at the body sized mirror inside her wardrobe door. It took her over two hours to choose the outfit with Octavia's help. She decided for a dark grey skinny jeans that made her toned legs look even more appealing. Loosely covering her torso, a light blue vest gave enough room to imagination with a high-ish cleavage. On top, Clarke chose a dark blue leather jacket with small metal studs on the sleeves to complete the casual look. Two thin braids emerged from behind her ears meeting on the back of her head, holding her golden locks. Simple black eyeliner gave even more strength to her piercing blue eyes. Shiny black stilettos completed the look.

"You look the same way you did last five times you asked me, Princess. Beautiful."

"Oh god. Why did I say yes to this?"

"Because you want to have fun. Clarke, seriously, relax."

"What if she hates me?"

"What are you talking about? She knows you already! And besides, she texted you inviting you to dinner. I hardly believe that this is sign of hate." Octavia stood up from the edge of Clarke's bed and walked towards her friend. "Just enjoy yourself. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal."

"What if it's a posh restaurant? What if I can't afford it? She didn't say where we are going."

"Clarke, seriously, you're looking for reasons to freak out. You're sabotaging yourself."

Clarke took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. She felt scared. Very scared. She knew herself, she knew how she works. She knew that when she feels the way she felt when she kissed Lexa, it was a big red flag. It was pretty similar to the way she felt when she kissed _him_ for the first time. Octavia was right, she was indeed trying to sabotage herself. She couldn't help it, though. She was terrified of getting hurt again.

"I know. It's just... I don't want to get hurt, O."

"Princess, you kissed her once. That's it. And now it's just dinner. You can't get hurt with dinner."

"Yeah, I know, but I know myself and one thing leads to the other. Now it's dinner, tomorrow another walk in the park, then cinema, then not sleeping at home, and soon enough I'll find myself on the same spot I was a while ago."

The blonde started pacing around the apartment in a mini panic attack. She tried to control her breathing but it was futile. She felt Octavia holding her arm and making her stop. She looked at her friend with fear in her eyes.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Clarke."

"This is a fucking mistake. I'm going to message her and say I'm not feeling very well."

Clarke reached for her phone but before she could light up the screen, a light knock on the door caught her attention.

"I don't think you'll have time for that." Octavia grabbed her friend's arm once more and looked straight into her eyes. "It will be fine. Take a deep breath and go have some fun."

Clarke followed her friend's advice and took a deep breath, walking towards the door. She stopped in front of it for a second, looking at Octavia once more and watching as her friend nodded at her, giving reassurance. She twisted the knob and pulled the door open putting a smile on her face.

"Hi." Lexa looked at the blonde with a small grin.

Clarke felt her heart speeding up and sweat starting to form on her palms. She couldn't help but let her jaw drop a bit with the sight in front of her. She couldn't think of any moment in her life she had seen anyone so beautiful. She met green eyes lightly smoky and perfectly outlined with solid black. Shiny lip gloss gave life to the small grin on the girl's lips as what looked like hundreds of small braids carefully held the brunette's long, wavy hair. Clarke lowered her eyes to the white button up shirt showing only a glimpse of skin below the neck. The shirt was carefully tucked inside blue denim trousers that made Lexa's shapes look even more attractive. Black knee high heel boots and a simple but exquisite black designer jacket completed the look.

"Wow. I mean, hi." Clarke looked down and shook her head in embarrassment. "Sorry, I... You look beautiful."

"You look beautiful too." Lexa said, never taking her eyes off the blonde's. "Ready?"

"Yeah, let me just get my bag."

The blonde turned her back to the door and reached for the small bag that contained her phone, wallet and lip gloss. Looking once more to her friend, she smile timidly as the girl did a thumbs up, trying to reassure her again. Taking a deep breath, she walked back to the door and stepped out, meeting Lexa's eyes once more.

"Let's go."


	9. I Suck at This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Good news: I passed my test!
> 
> Thank you so much for the amazing feedback, it makes me so damn happy! I'm in love with this fic and I'm really excited about being able to write it again after the test! I really like this chapter and I hope you guys like it too!
> 
> Poke me on Tumblr whenever, I'm [once-upon-a-sasss](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com) !

**Chapter 9 - I suck at this.**

Lexa stood at the restaurant's reception and nodded to the young lady who walked towards her smiling.

"Hello Ms. Ground. Your table is ready." The girl said as started walking towards the table placed by one of the windows.

She watched as Clarke smiled at the girl and took her seat. Mimicking the action, she took the menu from the waiter's hand as Clarke did the same. She noticed the surprised expression on the blonde's face as another waiter poured fresh water in one of the tumblers on the table. As the man walked away, she smiled at the girl, putting down her menu.

"I hope you like Italian food."

"I do. This is a really nice place." She watched as Clarke looked around.

"I come here quite often. The food is amazing." She said as she looked back at the menu.

Lexa felt slightly uneasy. She wasn't sure about what to say or do. It was the first time she was out on a date and she didn't even know if that was really a date. She glanced over the menu to look at Clarke and noticed that the blonde was not choosing her food but looking right at her.

"Is everything ok?" She asked as the blonde continued to look at her.

"Yes. Well, I'm just wondering..."

"Wondering?"

"Why did you invite me out tonight?"

Lexa widened her eyes in surprise. She didn't really know how to answer to that question. Because Anya convinced her to do so? That's not good enough. And it's not completely true. Anya did contribute to the decision but deep down, Lexa knew that she was intrigued by the blonde girl with blue eyes. She wasn't quite sure about what all that meant or how she was feeling, but the bottom line was that she simply wanted to spend time with Clarke Griffin. The thought of it scared the shit out of her because the only memories she had of this type of feeling led her to dark places inside her mind.

"Why not?" She managed to reply.

She held Clarke's gaze for a moment hoping the girl wouldn't insist on the question because the truth was, she didn't really know the answer. Relief filled her chest as she saw Clarke smile timidly and turning her attention back to her own menu.

She felt, however, that if questions were to be asked, maybe that was the right moment. She knew her mind was a puzzle right now so she thought that maybe, if she just asked a question the simplest way possible, she would start getting the answers she needed to perhaps start understanding her own feelings. Taking a deep breath, she put her menu down once more.

"Why did you kiss me?"

She watched as Clarke looked over her menu and met her gaze. She felt her heart starting to beat slightly faster with the imminence of Clarke's response.

"Why not?" The blonde said with a small grin.

"Touché." Lexa said, broadening her smile.

* * *

 

Clarke looked at her reflection in the fancy mirror and sighed. She took the lip gloss from her purse and lightly applied it to her lips. A million thoughts ran through her head at the same time, making her feel dizzy. If she was out of her comfort zone before, now she was miles away from it. Taking another deep breath, she leaned over the bathroom counter and tried to control her anxiety. She shouldn't have come, she should have just stayed home and forgot about Lexa. She shouldn't even have kissed the girl in the first place, let alone go out on a date in a fancy restaurant. What did Lexa want with her? Why was she inviting her out? And more importantly, why was she feeling so nervous around her? Why was she feeling so drawn to her? She didn't know if she could do this, it was too soon, too scary. She closed her eyes and took another deep breath, trying to shut the voices in her head.

"Relax. Let it go before you screw everything up. Not everyone wants to fuck with you." She said to her own reflection.

Grabbing her bag, she walked towards the door and back to the table. She watched as the waiter was bringing the desert and politely nodding at Lexa.

"Right on time." She said as she sat down and took the desert spoon. "When in doubt, ice cream will always be the answer." She said as she took a spoonful of the chocolate ice cream in front of her.

"To all questions?" Lexa asked jokingly.

"All questions. Ice cream."

The blonde put her spoon down as she finished with desert and had a sip of water. She watched as Lexa motioned to the waiter and asked for the bill. Reaching for her bag, she felt the brunette's hand on hers, stopping her movement.

"This one is on me." Lexa said with a smile.

"Are you sure?" She asked and watched as the brunette nodded in response. "Okay. Thank you." She smiled back at the girl.

After the bill was paid, they walked out the restaurant to a warm and starry night.

"Do you have to go back now?" Clarke asked.

"Not necessarily, why?"

"I was wondering if you want to have a walk. It's a lovely night and this is a lovely area."

Clarke took Lexa's smile as a yes and turned to start walking. She turned her face and looked at the brunette who walked by her side. After a short moment, she started feeling uncomfortable with the silence but, at the same time, she didn't know what to say. She asked herself why she proposed the walk, she could be almost home by now but it was like she couldn't control the words that exited her mouth. Her gaze met Lexa's a couple of times but she immediately stared at the floor when she met green eyes.

"Do you have a favourite painter?"

The blonde turned her head to Lexa not sure if she felt pressured by the question or relieved with the end of silence.

"Van Gogh." She said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because he can make me feel things. He put all of himself into his paintings. The colour, the composition, it's all so strong, so vibrant. He had a troubled mind and it shows in his work. It's just breathtaking."

"I agree. His paintings are, indeed, breathtaking."

"What about you?" Clarke asked. "Do you have a favourite photographer?"

"I guess I'd go with Cartier-Bresson. I love candid photography and no one so far could do it quite like him. He captured the decisive moment like no one else."

Clarke smiled as they walked past a small flower shop. She tried to think about something else to say but nothing would come to her mind. Octavia was right, her social skills were indeed non existent. As the silence grew longer, Clarke's anxiety grew bigger. She looked at Lexa and then at the floor and wondered what the brunette was thinking. when the lack of communication became unbearable, she took a deep breath and broke the silence.

"I suck at this." She said, still staring at the floor.

"At what?" Lexa asked in confusion.

"At this. At being social, having a normal conversation."

She looked at Lexa who still had a small smile on her face. Clarke looked right into her eyes and the thoughts about how beautiful she was started to cross her mind again.

"Do you have brothers or sisters?" Lexa asked, casually.

"What?"

"I'm making conversation. I realised that I told you quite a bit about myself when we were in my flat but I know nothing about you."

"Oh. No. It's just me."

"No family?"

"Nope. My parents died in a car crash a few years ago and I came to this city to go to art school."

"I'm sorry." Lexa frowned slightly at the blonde's response.

"It's ok."

"What about art school?" She continued.

"What about it?" Clarke asked with frustration in her voice.

"You came to this city to go to art school. When do you start?"

"Fuck knows. One day..."

"Oh... I'm sorry, it seemed like you had it all planned."

"Well, life doesn't always go the way we plan, does it?"

Clarke stopped walking and faced the floor. She knew she snapped at the brunette for no reason but she couldn't control herself. Lexa's questions were pointing to dangerous territory and she wasn't ready to talk about her recent past. She didn't know if she ever would be or if she would ever want to. Still, she knew she was harsh.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I just... really suck at being social. No wonder I only have one friend."

"Don't worry." Lexa said facing the blonde. "I shouldn't be asking such personal questions. And anyway, you are right. Life doesn't go as we plan."

As they started walking again, Clarke cursed herself inside her mind. If she didn't manage to screw up before, certainly this time she did it. When the silence started creeping again, she got pretty much certain that this would be the first and last date they would have. Part of her felt releived as she knew she would be able to go back to her comfort zone, but something inside her did not like that idea one bit. She was took by surprise when Lexa suddenly stopped once more. She turned around and faced the brunette who was starring at the floor.

"That's why I asked you out." Lexa said without looking up.

"I don't understand."

She watched as Lexa sighed and looked up at her.

"Life doesn't go as we plan. I never planned on dropping your art materials in the lake, or wine on your shirt. And I'm quite sure you didn't plan on dropping coffee on me..."

"...or on kissing you." Clarke interrupted.

"Exactly. Yet, it all happened. So I thought that the plan I have for my life is not that thrilling, I might as well divert it a bit. As I said before, why not?"

Clarke smiled timidly and nodded.

"Yeah... Why not?"

She watched as Lexa smiled back at her and they carried on walking. Before long, they reached the car and taking the driver's seat, Lexa turned on the engine as Clarke slid onto the passenger's seat. the journey started silent but this time Clarke felt less anxious about it. She looked at Lexa who had her eyes on the road.

"Are you very busy this week?" She asked shyly.

"I have to prepare the new exhibition in the gallery and have a couple of photoshoots but, if I remember well, I'm free on Thursday."

"Oh, ok."

"Why?"

"Well, I was thinking... I didn't do a painting at the park that day, you know, when we met. So I wanted to go back there and actually do it. So in case you're still interested in photographing the place, I thought we could go together maybe? I'm not working on Thursday, I think."

"I would very much like that, Clarke." The brunette said with a smile. "I can message you tomorrow when I get to the office to confirm, is that ok?"

"That's great. I have to make sure I won't be working as well."

Clarke smiled as Lexa pulled over by the blonde's building. They stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"I guess I see you on Thursday then." Clarke said reaching for the door and opening it.

"Definitely, see you on Thursday."

Clarke looked at the brunette for a moment longer and stepped out the car with a sigh. She closed the door and turned her back, facing the entrance of her building and started to walk towards it. Stopping in front of the main entrance, she reached inside her back looking for her keys. Once she found it, she inserted one of the keys into the keyhole but before she could start turning it, she heard Lexa calling her name.

"Clarke, wait!"

She watched as the brunette walked towards her in a fast pace.

"What's up?" She asked in confusion.

Before she could say anything else, Lexa's right hand reached for the back of her neck, pulling her closer and crashing their lips together. Clarke felt the brunette pressing her lips against her own more intensely than before, which made her lose her balance slightly and lean against the door. She then raised one hand to reach Lexa's neck while the other one rested on the girl's lower back, allowing her to pull the brunette's body even closer to her own. Clarke felt everything spinning around her as Lexa lightly capture her lower lip between her teeth, releasing it a brief moment after. She opened her mouth slightly, granting entrance to Lexa's tongue that crept on her lips. As their tongues touched, Clarke felt her knees weakening after a soft, quiet moan left Lexa's throat. When she felt like she was not able to breathe anymore, Lexa pulled back and rested her forehead against Clarke's.

"See you on Thursday." The brunette said with her eyes still closed.

Clarke tried but she was unable to utter any syllable and she just watched as the brunette turned away and got back to her car, driving off without looking back.


	10. I Can't Do This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This will be the only update this week. It's my birthday on Monday and I won't be on the computer much during the weekend so, I hope this slightly longer chapter makes up for it!
> 
> We have a memory in this chapter. It's all in italic and marked in between horizontal lines. I hope it's clear enough!
> 
> Thank you again for all your support and amazing feedback, it makes me very happy!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one! :)
> 
> Poke me on Tumblr, I'm [once-upon-a-sasss](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com)!

 

 

**Chapter 10 - I Can't Do This.**

Lexa slowed down and pulled over in front of Clarke's building. She stared at the wheel, not knowing what to say while hundreds of thoughts ran through her mind. She felt Clarke's gaze on her and turned to face the blonde. They stared at each other for a moment in silence while Lexa tried to form word in her head. Clarke was faster and broke the silence.

"See you on Thursday then." She watched as the blonde reached for the car door and opened it. She widened her eyes slightly, trying to say something that would make the girl stay longer. She couldn't tell, however, why she wanted her to stay.

"Definitely, see you on Thursday."

Lexa smiled timidly and locked gazes with Clarke once more. This time, however, the blonde didn't hold her gaze. She watched as the girl returned the smile and stepped out of the car, shutting the door behind her and starting to walk towards the entrance of the building.

Lexa kept staring at the girl as if she moved in slow motion, thinking about the evening they just shared and a ton of feelings flooded her chest. She had enjoyed herself, enjoyed the company and she found herself wanting to have Clarke around for a while longer.

Her heart was beating fast and she was breathing heavily, confused with all the thoughts in her head.

_You like her, you idiot. Do something about it._

A voice in her head kept repeating those words as she still looked at the blonde girl who was reaching for something in her bag. She watched as Clarke retrieved a bunch of keys from her bag and placed in the door's keyhole.

Without thinking, she opened her door and stepped out the car, calling Clarke's name.

"Clarke, wait!"

She speeds up her pace as if this was her last chance. She needed to reach Clarke, she needed to show her somehow that she had so many feelings inside of her that she couldn't understand.

"What's up?" The blonde asked as she reached her.

She wasn't in control of her actions, she wasn't in control of anything. She was letting her body take her, lead her to where she felt like she was supposed to be. She ignored the blonde's question as she carried on walking towards her. When she is close enough, she reached out and grabbed the back of the blonde's neck, pulling her towards herself and crashing their lips together. She wanted that kiss, she wanted to be close to Clarke, she wanted it to be more than just gentle. She felt the blonde lose her balance and lean against the door, putting one of her hands on her waist and the other behind her neck while pulling her even closer. She felt her heart beat faster with surprise; Clarke was kissing her back, she felt like the girl wanted that as much as she did. She captured the girl's lower lip against her teeth and bit it very lightly, feeling goosebumps grow on the blonde's neck. She opened her mouth slightly, gently licking Clarke's lips, asking for entrance that was instantly granted. She felt the blonde's tongue touching hers as she pressed her body closer to Clarke's. She felt like this was exactly where she was supposed to be. It felt right, it felt good. She caressed the back of Clarke's neck softly while their tongues explored eagerly. Lexa couldn't help but release a soft moan as the kiss deepened. She felt Clarke losing balance once more, as if the blonde's knees were weak. She captured the girl's bottom lip between hers once more and pulled back slightly, resting her forehead on Clarke's.

Her heart was still beating fast and she felt a smile growing on her lips. She still didn't know what to say as she took control of her thoughts and actions.

"See you on Thursday." She whispered without opening her eyes.

For some reason, she couldn't face Clarke. She wanted to, she wanted to look into her blue eyes but she couldn't. She then turned around and walked back to her car, starting it and driving off without looking back. After a few blocks, she pulled over once more, trying to catch her breath. She felt like she had just ran a marathon. She rested her forehead against the wheel and closed her eyes.

Slowly, her breathing got back to normal as she raised her head from the wheel. She sighed and started the car again, finishing the journey to her loft.

As Lexa got into her flat, she locked the door behind her and ran to the bedroom area. Reaching for the small chest of drawer, she took the framed photo and her notebook, placing the frame atop the chest of drawers. She looked at the beautiful brunette and smiled fondly, she then took a pen and opened the notebook.

_I think I can do it. I want to do it._

_I know that, wherever you are, you are smiling right now._

_I know you're happy for me._

_There is a long road ahead of me,I still cannot forgive myself for what I did to you._

_But maybe I won't have to go down that road on my own._

Lexa smiled again and looked at the photo. With a deep breath, she took the frame and the notebook and put them back in the drawer. She couldn't control the smile that refused to leave her face. She raised her hand and gently touched her lips, closing her eyes and thinking about what she had done a few minutes before. With a quiet giggle, she walked to her bed and took her pyjamas from under the pillow and went to the bathroom. She felt tired, exhausted really but in a good way. She thought for a moment, that maybe all the pain and doubt she had inside her mind and heart would indeed go away and maybe, she will be able to forgive herself and start again.

* * *

 

Clarke stood under the pouring water as steam filled the small bathroom. She hoped the sensation of the tepid water running down her body would take her mind out of what happened. With her eyes closed, she raised her chin to allow the spray to touch her face. One thing was to take the initiative and kiss Lexa; but being kissed like she just had been was completely different. She was not in control and that scared her. But above all, the feelings that surfaced after that kiss were making her feel like she was about to lose her mind.

It was not possible, she did everything she could to make sure that wouldn't happen again. Also, it had been only a few days since she met the girl. It was really unlikely that she would be feeling something in such short amount of time. Still, she felt like a thousand butterflies were dancing inside her stomach.

She turned the tap closing the water and grabbed a towel. Walking out the bathroom, Clarke finished drying herself and put her pyjamas on. Taking her phone, she collapsed on her bed and tucked herself under the covers. She turned to the bedside table and took a small diary from the drawer. Flipping the pages, she let a small smile grow on her lips. Putting the diary down, she took her phone again and started a new message.

_Clarke: Just checked my diary. I'm definitely free on Thursday._

Clarke changed the screen on her phone and opened a second new message.

_Clarke: I think I'm in trouble._

The reply to the second message came less than a minute after.

_Octavia: Do tell._

_C: She kissed me._

_O: Well, you kissed her last time so I suppose we have a trend?_

_C: It was different._

_O: How?_

_C: Idk. She seemed eager. It was pretty hot._

_O: You fucking lesbian…_

_C: Shut up Octavia. What do I do?_

_O: Why are you asking me? You're the bisexual._

_C: You know what I mean._

_O: Just let yourself go, princess. You'll be fine._

_C: I'm scared._

_O: I know. But she is not him. It's ok to like her._

_C: Who said I like her?_

_O: Why else would you be messaging me at this time to talk about her?_

_C: Good night, Octavia._

_O: Night, princess._

Clarke rolled in bed and put her phone on the bedside table. She stretched her arms and legs and curled under the covers. With a deep breath, she closed her eyes, attempting to fall asleep. A few minutes later, she felt herself starting to drift off but the buzz of her phone brought her back. She heavily opened her eyes and reached for the device that buzzed once more. Pressing the power button, she lit the screen that showed two unread messages. Both from Lexa.

_L: That is wonderful. I also checked my schedule and I'm free. What time do you want to meet?_

_L: I only just noticed how late it is. I'm sorry._

_C: It's ok, I'm awake. Any time is good to me._

_L: How about 10am at the park's entrance? We could have some lunch after if you don't have plans._

_C: Sounds great._

_L: Wonderful. Good night, Clarke._

_C: Good night, Lexa._

The blonde pressed the power button once again to shut down the screen but before she could put the phone down, the device buzzed again.

_L: I had a great time tonight._

Clarke smiled at the message. She had a great time as well; actually, the best time she had in a long while.

_C: Me too._

_L: I'm sorry if I was out of line._

_C: Are you?_

_L: Am I what?_

_C: Sorry. Are you sorry about what happened?_

Clarke felt her muscles tensing as the reply took a small while to come. After a couple of minutes, the phone buzzed again.

_L: Not really._

She smiled and released a breath she didn't notice she was holding.

_C: Good._

_L: Good night again. See you on Thursday._

_C: See you on Thurs._

She put the phone on the bedside table and rolled to her side. As she closed her eyes, tiredness took her over quickly and she fell asleep still holding a smile.

* * *

 

Clarke stood at the entrance of the park, her backpack on her bag and her easel folded under her arm. She looked at the time on her phone; it was only 9:50. She felt nervous, much like she was before she met Lexa to go to the nature reserve. This time, however, she wasn't thinking the brunette would not show up. The nervousness was exactly because she was sure the girl would be there any minute. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

She spent the whole week thinking about that very moment. Clarke met with Octavia during the week and went to work on Monday and Wednesday. It would have been a normal week if it wasn't for the fact that she couldn't stop thinking about Lexa. It was a strange feeling and she felt more scared than ever. Octavia tried to make her feel better, telling her she would be fine, and that she had nothing to be scared of. She had told her friends everything that happened on the dinner date and Octavia seemed to be sure that Lexa liked her. She tried to tell her friend that she didn't like the girl but she couldn't. There was something about Lexa; something that, even though they didn't know each other for too long, made her lightheaded. Something that made her smile for no reason and her palms to go sweaty just by thinking about her.

At exactly 10am, she spotted the brunette walking towards her with a smile on her face.

"Hey!" Lexa said.

"Hey you." She couldn't help but smile. "Ready to photograph the shit out of this park?"

"Very ready! Are you ready to paint the shit out of it?"

"Well, I think we are about to find that out."

She started to turn around and started to walk inside the park when she felt Lexa's hand holding her arm. She stopped walking and turned back to face Lexa. The brunette still had a smile on her face; she watched as the girl took a step and leaned forward, capturing her lips on a soft kiss. Clarke closed her eyes as she felt Lexa's lips on hers, this time extremely gentle, as if she had no hurry.

She opened her eyes as Lexa pulled back and stared at the girl in silence.

"I could easily get used to this." She said in a whisper.

"Perhaps you should."

Clarke followed the girl with her eyes as she started walking inside the park. Taking a deep breath, she started walking behind the brunette.

Once they reached the very spot where they first met, Clarke started to set up her materials. Looking at Lexa, she saw the brunette placing her own bag on the floor and setting up a massive lens onto a camera body. She watched as the girl set up her tripod close to the easel and placed the camera on it. Bringing her attention back to her own materials, she took a small canvas from her bag and placed on the easel, fixing as well some paints, brushes and pencils. She took a pencil and started to sketch the scenario while she heard the sound of Lexa's shutter working.

"I was wondering," Clarke turned to face Lexa who spoke without taking her eyes off the viewfinder. "If it's alright for me to offer you again those extra materials that you brought back to my office. I never returned them, and maybe you could have them? As a gift?"

Clarke could sense the tension on Lexa's voice. She could see how the girl calculated each word and how she genuinely did not mean to make her feel bad for taking the materials back. She was simply offering the supplies that were of no use for her. She smiled at the girl's sincerity.

"Yea… Well, I never apologised for that. Now I realise how rude I was."

Clarke saw Lexa's face move away from the camera to face her, a concerned look in her eyes.

"No, Clarke, I didn't mean to make you think like that. I just really want you to have it because I know you'll make good use of it."

"I know. And do you know what? Why not? I can go pick it all up whenever is good for you."

She noticed the broad smile that grew on Lexa's lips as the brunette turned her attention back to her camera.

After a couple of hours, Clarke was feeling tired and hungry. She looked at Lexa who had set her tripod a bit farther from her and still had her face glued to the viewfinder. She walked towards the girl and stood right behind her.

"Anything interesting?"

She held a laughter as the brunette did a little scared jump.

"Oh my god, you scared me!" The brunette said with a grin. "And yes, a lot of interesting things."

Clarke locked gazes with the brunette, she felt like she could lose herself into those green eyes. They were deep and kind, but she could see some sadness hidden in there. She lowered her gaze to Lexa's lips and back to her eyes and started feeling a buzzing sensation in her chest. She took a step forward, getting even closer to the girl.

"What interesting things are you seeing?" She asked in a quiet voice, never looking away from the girl's eyes.

"I...many. Birds…"

Clarke grinned when she noticed that her proximity was taking the concentration away from Lexa. For some reason, she liked how that felt. Taking another step, she was only an inch away from the girl.

"What else?"

She was whispering now. She could hear and feel Lexa's erratic breathing and as she lowered her gaze once more, she noticed that Lexa was biting her own lower lip. She felt her own breathing becoming shallow. She took a deep breath and grinned teasingly. Watching as Lexa started to lean forward, she pulled herself back, leaving the brunette pressing her eyes at her tease.

"We should go grab some food, I'm starving." She said as she started to put her materials back in her bag. "I suggest The Ark. They have amazing options for lunch and I can leave my stuff at home, if that's ok with you."

"Yea, that's fine with me." She heard the brunette's voice being closer to her.

As she stood up and looked behind her, Lexa was stood with a mischievous look in her face.

Clarke felt as the brunette slid her arm on the side of her body, placing her hand on her back, pulling her and making their bodies lightly collide. She inhaled sharply with the contact and held the brunette's gaze for a moment; the girl's green eyes looked darker and she had a grin on her lips.

"I'm very hungry myself." She said in a whisper, causing the buzz in Clarke's chest to grow and her breathing to go even more erratic. She held her breath while they stared at each other. After what felt like an eternity, she watched as Lexa stepped back, still smiling. "And I also know how to tease, Clarke."

* * *

Clarke pointed at an outside table at The Ark. She handed a menu over to Lexa who chose a chicken salad. Choosing a smoked salmon sandwich, she gave the menus back to the waiter and waited for the food to be served.

"So, did you have an interesting week?" Clarke asked, taking a sip of water.

"More of the same. Photographing models is really not my thing."

"Why do you do it, then?"

"It's part of the job. I can't just deny all the photo shoots, it wouldn't be good for the office. Besides, hopefully I won't be doing for too long."

"And why is that?"

"Anya and I are trying to break a deal with a major nature magazine. If it works, I'll make some images for them. And then I'll be able to do what I really want to."

"Which is?"

"I want to travel, Clarke. I want to go everywhere!"

Clarke felt her heart beating fast. Her eyes widened and her breathing became erratic. She blinked a few times to make sure that she just heard those words.

* * *

 

" _Hey, what are you doing?" Clarke approached the sofa and sat by his side._

" _Searching online." The young man replied without taking his eyes from the computer screen._

" _What for?" She insisted_

" _Plane tickets. They're all fucking expensive." He said in frustration._

_Clarke huddled against him, taking his hand and interlacing their fingers._

" _It's ok. We can go places one day." She said, reassuring him._

" _I want to do it soon. I will find the money somehow 'cause I can't stand being here for much longer." He said with excitement._

" _And where exactly will you find all this money?" She asked, suspicious._

" _I don't know. But I will. I want to travel, Clarke. I want to go everywhere!"_

* * *

 

"Hey, Clarke!"

Clarke shook her head and looked at Lexa who were snapping her fingers in front of her face. She focused on the brunette's gaze for a second, widening her eyes.

"There you are." Lexa said, smiling.

Clarke's heart was still racing, her head was spinning, she needed to leave. She needed to get out of there right now. She placed her palms on the table top, pulling herself up as she lowered her gaze and faced the floor.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this." She said.

"Can't do what?" Lexa's voice sounded confused.

"This, Lexa. I can't do this. I thought I could but I can't. I'm sorry."

She turned around and started walking away, not noticing that a few seconds later she was running. Tears started to stream down her face and she felt a sharp pain in her chest. She knew she couldn't do it, she knew it from the start; yet she let herself go, she let herself believe that this time, it could be different. But it wasn't. And this time she wouldn't let herself be fooled. This time, she was not getting hurt. She couldn't tell, however, why she already felt so much pain.

* * *

 

Lexa knocked on the door repeatedly, seeing the light on as a sign that there was someone in. She sighed in frustration and knocked again.

"Clarke, please, talk to me!"

She knocked once more but there was still no reply.

"Clarke, I don't understand. If you just open the door, we can talk."

The brunette knocked again and again, until her knuckles were red and sore. She lowered her head facing the floor and took a deep breath before turning around and walking away, not being able to know that, behind the door, a defeated Clarke Griffin sat on the floor, leaning against the door with her knees up, her face buried between her legs, unable to respond as her words would have been stopped by the guttural sobs that were leaving her throat.


	11. Don't Give Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I cannot thank you enough for the amazing feedback on the last chapter! It made me incredibly happy!  
> I hope you guys like this one as much!  
> As usual, hit me on Tumblr, I'm [once-upon-a-sasss](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com) !

**Chapter 11 - Don't Give Up**

Clarke grabbed her bag and put the straps around her shoulders. Looking around the little room, she made sure she wasn't forgetting anything. She checked her phone and frowned when the screen showed no new messages. Stepping outside the room, she walked towards the door and looked back at her boss.

"See you on Wednesday, boss." She said to Marcus Kane who was counting money behind the counter.

"See you, Clarke. Keep your phone close in case I need you tomorrow." He said without looking up.

"Always do." She replied as she opened the door and walked out.

The blonde took a pair of black rim sunglasses from her bag and placed them on her face as she started walking towards her house.

"What the actual fuck, Clarke?"

Clarke pursed her lips and closed her eyes, closing her palms into fists. She knew she would be caught up at some point but she didn't imagine it would be that soon. She knew she was on the wrong and she felt bad about it, but she couldn't help it. She needed time. And she knew how much she sucked at being social and normal social rules. Turning around, she faced a very angry looking brunette and tried to keep her cool.

"What the fuck yourself, O! You made me jump!" She said, bringing her hand to her chest.

"Good! What is going on?" Clarke watched as her friend took a few steps and stood in front of her.

"Nothing is going on. Why are you creeping on me like this?"

"'Cause it seems to be the only way to talk to you? You barely sent me a couple of messages since Thursday! What's up?"

"Nothing, Octavia. I took extra shifts in the weekend, I was busy." She did take quite a few extra shifts but she knew that money was hardly the reason why she took those shifts. She needed to escape.

"Bullshit. You are avoiding me. Why?"

"I'm not avoiding you, O. I just… needed some time for myself, ok?"

"Clarke, I know you. You're my best friend. I know when there's something up with you. If you just don't feel like telling me, that's fair enough, but don't leave me hanging, I worry about you."

Clarke stared at her friend for a moment and took another deep breath. Octavia was right, she had been avoiding her for the past few days but not for any specific reason. She really just needed time for herself. She felt sad and confused and she knew that she wasn't ready to share the latest events. But four days have passed since she walked away from Lexa and she felt that perhaps it was time to tell her friend what was going on.

"Are you free?" She asked in a low voice.

"Yes."

"Let's go to mine then. We can talk there."

"Fine." Octavia said with a serious tone as they started to walk.

* * *

Clarke placed her bag on the kitchen counter and turned around to face Octavia, who had her arms crossed on her chest, facing the floor.

"O, I'm sorry. You have all the right to be pissed at me. I just… I needed time. I should have told you." Clarke said, apologetic, taking a step towards her friend.

"Yes, you should have. I was worried about you, Clarke. Two messages in four days? Not picking up my calls? I don't get it! What the hell happened that made you act like this?"

Clarke sighed and faced the floor. There was no point in carrying on not telling Octavia what happened.

"Ok. Yes, something did happen and I feel like shit for not telling you since day one. You're my best friend, O, my only friend and I never meant to hurt you. I was… not in control. And I'm sorry."

"You're getting me even more worried, Clarke." Octavia took a few steps and stood in front of her. Reaching out with her arm, she touched her shoulder in a kind way. "What happened?"

"I think we better take a seat."

* * *

 

"And that was it. I freaked the fuck out. I don't know why I allowed things to go that far, really." The blonde said in a sad tone.

"Clarke, listen to yourself!" Octavia stood up from the sofa and crouched down to face her friend. "Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

"No, O. I'm not. I can't do it. I just can't. And it's best if I just walk off before either of us get hurt."

"Well, to be honest it is a bit frustrating that she didn't try to talk to you since then." Octavia said in a slightly angry tone.

"She did." Clarke said, looking down.

"She did?" Octavia stopped her motion to stare at the blonde.

"She sent fuck loads of messages and called a lot of times. And on Thursday she followed me here. She stood outside the door knocking and trying to make me open for a long time. I just couldn't…"

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt exhausted. At the same time, she felt foolish. For allowing herself to get so close to someone, when she should have known better. Still, she was confused by all the thoughts in her head. She knew she made the right choice, she knew she wasn't ready, but she couldn't help but miss Lexa. She knew that the tears she shed on the previous Thursday were of sadness and regret. Regret for making a decision that she knew was right, but that hurt her nevertheless.

"It's just all so weird, O. I barely know her. We had a couple of dates, we kissed twice, but after I left and when she was standing out there calling my name, I wanted to get up and open the door. I just couldn't. Because I don't know if I can take it. I don't know if I will be able to handle getting that hurt again."

"I know, Princess, but what's the point of being even alive, then? I know how hurt you were and how scared you are right now. But you said you wanted to get up and open the door, so do it! There will always be a chance that you will end up getting hurt but if you don't try you will never know!"

Clarke shook her head. She knew Octavia was right. But her fear was bigger than her will to change.

"I can't, Octavia. I physically can't. Also, Lexa didn't send any messages today so she probably gave up. Believe me, it's for the best."

Clarke watched as Octavia took a deep breath and stood up, heading to the kitchen. When the girl got back to the lounge area, she took a beer from her hand, not noticing the business card that Octavia hid in her pocket.

* * *

"Hey, are you leaving anytime soon?"

Lexa raised her head from the computer screen to face Anya, who had a worried expression.

"I need to finish this. I'll go home when I'm done."

She watched as Anya took a seat next to her and sighed.

"Lexa, you can't carry on like this. You've been working nonstop for the last 5 days. When you're not staring at your computer screen, you're staring at your phone. I know you're upset about Clarke but you are starting to worry me."

"I'm not upset about Clarke." She responded, dryly.

Anya took a deep breath and stood up.

"Listen, I have to go now. Just try to finish early and go home. You need to get some rest." She said, grabbing her purse and walking towards the office door.

"Will do. Have a good evening." Lexa replied without looking up.

As she heard the door clicking closed, Lexa reached out for her phone. Lighting up the screen, she touched the message app and opened the tab for Clarke. Taking a deep breath, she stared at the countless unreplied messages and wondered if she should leave the girl alone. Clarke didn't want to talk to her, she didn't want to reply or she would have done it by that point. She couldn't tell, however, why the idea of Clarke not wanting to speak to her was so painful.

Putting her phone down, Lexa took her bag and retrieved her notebook from inside. She laid it on the table and opened it, reaching for a pen. With a deep sigh, she touched the paper with the tip of the pen.

_I thought I wouldn't be in pain anymore._

_I know it is not easy but I was doing fine, I think._

_I was not expecting though, to feel more pain in the process._

_I don't know where it comes from, I don't know how to fight it.  
Help me._

She stared at the paper for a few minutes before closing the pen and the notebook, putting it back in her bag. Turning her chair to face the computer, Lexa did not have time to focus on her screen as she heard three gentle knocks on the office door. She bent her head slightly, pressing her eyes, thinking that it's probably Anya. However, she knew the woman had the key and it was unlikely that she would be knocking on the door. Lexa slowly stood up and walked towards the door when she heard the knocking once more. She twisted the door knob and pulled it open.

She felt a wave of confusion and surprise as her eyes met hazel ones outside the door. A million thoughts ran through her mind and she felt her heart racing. Of all people in the world, never would she have thought that Octavia would be at her office, staring at her.

"Octavia? Is everything ok?" She asked with a concerned tone.

"Can we talk?" Octavia said in a serious voice.

"Sure." Lexa responded, curious. "Come in." She moved aside, giving space for the girl to come in.

Lexa watched as Octavia stepped inside and looked around. She offered a seat across her desk and sat on her own chair, facing the girl again, as if inviting her to start talking.

"Do you like Clarke?" Octavia asked without blinking.

"Excuse me?"

"It's a simple question. Do you like Clarke?"

"I barely know her."

"Not the point."

"What is the point?" Lexa was confused. She wondered if Clarke had sent her.

"The point is, my best friend is going through a hard time but she can't bring herself to acknowledge that, so I am here to help. Do you like her?" Octavia insisted.

Lexa looked down, facing the top of her desk, still too many thoughts in her head. She knew the answer to Octavia's question, she was only not sure if she should be honest or not. With a deep sigh, she made her decision.

"Yes." Lexa said in a whisper, without looking up.

"Why did you give up on her then?"

"What?" She raised her head to face Octavia and met her hazel eyes once more. The girl had certainty in her eyes. "I didn't give up on her."

"She said you didn't message her yesterday. Why didn't you?"

"Because she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm not naive, I get the message." She said, a slight unrest on her voice.

She watched as the girl stood up, releasing a deep breath.

"You're telling me that you like her so, if you really do, don't give up on her." Octavia said in a decisive tone.

"She doesn't want to talk to me; I've been trying for five days." Lexa raised her phone, exposing the unreplied messages sent to Clarke.

"She is fucked up, Lexa! She does want to talk to you, believe me!"

"Why is she fucked up?" Lexa asked quietly.

"Not my story to tell. But if you want to know, go and ask her. She is working at the bar in The Ark tonight."

Lexa took a deep breath and stared at Octavia for a moment, thinking about her options. She could either ignore the whole thing and carry on with her life as if she never met Clarke, which by now it proved to be a painful option, or she could go to The Ark to try and talk to the blonde and maybe, she would finally not be in pain anymore.

"Okay. I'll go home to shower and change then I'll go to The Ark. But I don't really think she will want to talk to me."

"She will." Octavia said as Lexa turned away and reached for her bag, getting ready to leave. "And Lexa?"

The smaller girl watched as Lexa turned her attention back to her. "You said you like her, right? She is my best friend and I'm only here because I know she likes you too. But if you hurt her, I will end you."

Lexa stared at the girl for a moment, digesting her words. In a way, she felt offended by her threat but, at the same time, she could see how much of a good friend she was to Clarke. She knew as well that she didn't have the intention of hurting Clarke but she knew better than make such promises.

"Octavia, I would never purposely hurt Clarke. But I can't promise you or her anything. The same way we don't know if she will end up hurting me."

She watched as Octavia studied her words carefully. As if she was deciding if Lexa was telling the truth.

"That's good enough." The smaller girl said in a sigh. "I better go now. Thank you for your time and honesty."

"Thank you for coming. You're a good friend to Clarke." She says with a small smile.

"That I am." She said in a cocky tone.

Lexa reached for the door to open in and felt her heart skip a beat when she saw a tall man stood outside.

"Lincoln! You scared me!" She said, bringing her hand to her chest.

The man opened a broad smile as he looked at Lexa.

"Hey Lex. Anya asked me to grab some equipment for tomorrow morning. Is that ok?"

Lexa quickly turned her gaze to Octavia and couldn't help but grin when she noticed that the smaller girl had her mouth slightly opened and her eyes fixed on Lincoln.

"Of course." She said, making way for him to pass. "This is Octavia, by the way. A friend of mine." She said, making Octavia quickly close her mouth and blink repeatedly.

"Hi. Nice to meet you." Octavia said, offering her hand.

"Lincoln is my colleague's brother and, sometimes, her courier." Lexa explained.

She watched as Lincoln took Octavia's hand and gently brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

"Nice to meet you, Octavia."

Lexa controlled the urge to laugh at Octavia's expression. The girl had her mouth half opened again and her hazel eyes were lit up, fixed on Lincoln's. Suddenly, a strange idea crossed her mind.

"Lincoln," She called him as he grabbed the equipment he came for. "Octavia was about to leave but, since it's a bit late and I have somewhere to go, I was wondering if you could give her a lift?"

Lexa watched as Octavia turner her head to face her, eyes open wide as if she were asking 'what the fuck are you doing'. She raised an eyebrow to the girl who pressed her eyes and pursed her lips.

"You don't have to. I'm fine on my own." Octavia said in a shy tone.

"Nonsense! I'd never forgive myself if I let a beautiful girl walk around on her own late at night. I'll take you home." Lincoln said approaching the girls.

Lexa put her bag on her shoulder and made way for Octavia and Lincoln to pass. With a deep breath, she closed the door behind her, mentally preparing for the task ahead.

* * *

She stood in front of The Ark for longer than she could realise. Her heart was beating fast and her palms were sweating. She felt insecure as she didn't know what to expect. She didn't know if Clarke would even want to talk to her, or if she would be able to since she was working. She thought about Octavia's visit to her office and, with a deep breath, she stepped inside.

The atmosphere was completely different from when she went there before. The cafe area was closed and a spacious bar area was open on the other end of the building. Some tables spread in one of the corners and a DJ set stood on the back wall together with a small area for live acts. The bar area covered the entire left wall with a few stools across the counter. The place was crowded; people sat trying to chat over the loud music, some were dancing near the DJ area and some more people leaned over the bar counter, trying to order drinks.

A few bartenders tried to serve the ever growing amount of people reaching for drinks and snacks. Lexa moved towards the counter trying to see if Clarke was there. What if she wasn't? What if she was too late? What if her shift was over and that was all a big waste of time? She shook her head, trying to get rid of the thought.

She felt a grin grow on her lips when she spotted a blonde girl across the counter, but she wasn't sure if it was indeed Clarke. She felt her heart race and her breathing become erratic, if that was indeed Clarke, she had to get closer, she had to make herself noticed. However, a cold wave of fear hit her as she thought that maybe she would be rejected. Maybe Clarke would ignore her completely. She felt the grin disappear from her lips at the thought. She could just turn around and walk away, it would be the easiest thing to do, but she didn't want to do that. She knew what she wanted and she knew what she had to do so, with a deep breath, she decided to just face the music and see if the girl was who she was looking for.

As she took a first step towards the counter area where the girl was, people shuffled around allowing her to look properly. She felt her mouth open slightly at the sight that stood a few inches front of her. It was, indeed, Clarke. She was leaning over the counter, her weight held by her elbows as she cheerfully chatted with a customer. Her whole torso was leaned against the surface, raising her backside to a complete view. The blonde was wearing a skin tight light blue jeans that marked her every asset. A black tee shirt with The Ark's logo was tucked in the jeans; the shirt's generous V neck showed enough cleavage to make Lexa's jaw drop a bit further. She wore a little less makeup than the brunette had seen before. Just enough eyeliner to make her blue eyes be even more evident, and some lip gloss. Her golden hair was down, locks covering her shoulders in such way that the blonde had to pull it back every now and then to avoid it covering her face.

Lexa felt like she lost track of time and space. Her eyes were fixed on Clarke, as if there was nothing else around them. She looked at the blonde with a thirst she never thought she could have. As if the space between them was a never ending desert and Clarke was the last drop of water on the planet.

The feeling of someone bumping into her shoulder brought her back to reality. She shook her head and completed the walk towards the bar counter. Sitting on one of the stools, she kept her posture straight, trying to make herself visible. It took only a couple of minutes for the blond to stand in front of her. Lexa watched as she opened her mouth to start saying something, probably ask her what she was drinking, but the sound never came out. She saw the blonde's blue eyes widening when their gazes met, as if seeing her there was the most unimaginable thing ever.

"Hey." Clarke said with a surprised tone.

"Hi. I was wondering if we could talk." Lexa pursed her lips as she thought that maybe she was a bit too straightforward. She watched as Clarke raised her arms as if she was showing her the obvious; she was working and any type of conversation would be impossible at that moment. "Oh, right…" She said as she noticed the girl's expression.

Their gazes met once more and she felt like that silence was making the air go thick. She needed to talk to her, if what Octavia said was true, Clarke like her and she didn't want to let that chance pass.

"I can wait for you to finish your shift, if that's ok?" She asked, hoping for a positive response.

Clarke took a little while to reply, which made Lexa feel even more nervous. She watched as the girl sighed, as if she had just made a decision.

"Alright. I only have another hour anyway. Can I get you a drink?"

"No, I'm driving. But thank you."

"Well, I'm having a drink after I finish so maybe you want to grab a table? I'll join you as soon as I'm done." The blonde said, pointing with her eyes to the area with the tables.

Lexa nodded and turned around, choosing a table by the window. She looked at the bar and followed Clarke's swift motions as she served customers and prepared cocktails. A small smile grew on her lips as she watched the girl and she thought that maybe not everything was lost. Maybe, she would have her second chance.


	12. Social Lubricant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Once again, thank you very, very much for the amazing feedback! You guys are awesome!  
> There will be maybe a delay on the next update as I will be travelling next weekend. I will try to put up a new chapter on Wednesday but if I get too busy, the next update might take a couple of weeks to come. I apologise in advance and I assure you that I'll do my best to be able to update next Wednesday!
> 
> That being said, it's time to find out what happened to Clarke!
> 
> Don't forget to poke me on Tumblr, I'm once-upon-a-sasss ! ;-)

**Chapter 12 - Social Lubricant**

 

Clarke walked up to the table where Lexa was sitting, holding two shot glasses filled with liquid. She placed both tumblers on the top of the table and looked at the brunette with an awkward smile.

"I brought you a drink in case you changed your mind." She said loudly, trying to make herself be heard over the music.

"Well,I am driving, but I guess I can have one with you." Lexa replied with a smile.

Clarke sat on the chair across the table, facing Lexa as she raised her glass. As she saw the brunette doing the same, she downed her shot and laugh at the face the girl in front of her was making.

"I don't drink often." Lexa tried to explain herself.

"Well, I don't drink often enough." Clarke said standing up. "I want to dance. Do you want to join me?" She said as she reached out and grabbed Lexa's arm, pulling her to the dance floor near the DJ booth.

The music was loud and the lights were bright and colourful, making Clarke get easily into the dancing mood. She started moving her body to the songs and tried to make Lexa follow her steps, making them both laugh at the awkwardness of the brunette. After a couple of minutes, the music change and Clarke faced Lexa, who was staring at her. She remained silent for a little while, holding the girl's gaze as she kept moving her body.

"Why are you here, Lexa?" The blonde asked casually as she danced to the music.

Lexa followed the girl's movements, keeping their gazes locked.

"I want to understand what I did wrong. Understand why you shut me out."

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's not about you. I can't do it, I just can't. So it's better for both of us if I just stay away."

Lexa slowed down her movements and stared at Clarke. For a moment, she thought about obliging to the girls arguments and just leaving her alone but she felt like that would be the wrong decision. She thought about what Octavia had said to her earlier in the evening; Clarke liked her, she was just too fucked up to accept that. But how fucked up? What happened to her? What made her like this? She wanted to find out, she wanted to stay.

Without thinking, Lexa took a step forward and placed her hand on Clarke's waist. With a rough movement, she pushed the blonde across the dance floor onto a wall in a hidden corner, where no one could really see them, pressing her body against Clarke's. She noticed the girl's eyes growing wide and a sharp exhale left her throat with the contact. Clarke didn't struggle, she barely moved, as if she was taking in Lexa's body against hers in such intense way. Lexa leaned forward, her face only an inch away from Clarke's. She could feel her breathing, smell her scent, which caused a trance like sensation, as if she was intoxicated by Clarke.

Looking straight into the blonde's eyes, she placed one hand on the wall over Clarke's shoulder, leaning against it.

"Look into my eyes, Clarke, and tell me that you want me to leave." Lexa could feel Clarke's heart racing against her own chest. "Just say it once, I'll walk out that door and you will never see me again. I'll leave you alone and I'll pretend I never met you. Just tell me that's what you want."

Lexa felt like there was no bar, no music, nothing around them. The world didn't exist, it was just her and Clarke. Her gaze was still locked with the blonde's and she could see so much uncertainty and fear in those blue eyes, so many memories and, at the same time, she could see the struggle, the internal fight the girl was battling. Lexa started to worry as Clarke was taking a bit too long to say anything. She felt her heart racing as the blonde lowered her gaze to her lips and back to her eyes.

"I can't do that." The blonde said in a whisper, lowering her gaze to Lexa's lips once more.

"Then tell me what's wrong?" The brunette asked softly.

"I can't do that either." Clarke said bringing her gaze back to Lexa's eyes. "Not like this."

"What do you mean?" Lexa asked in confusion.

Clarke took a deep breath and leaned her head forward, kissing Lexa gently on the cheek. She moved to the side, breaking the contact between them. Thoughts ran through her mind like lightning bolts, as if everything around her was spinning. She could have ended it, she could have reinforced her walls, but she didn't. She didn't want Lexa to go. She was not sure of why but she knew that she wanted the girl to stay. Of one thing, Clarke was certain: Lexa knew she had issues, she wanted to know what was wrong with her, why she shut her out, why she walked away from the bar table and spent days without answering her calls or texts. And more than wanted, she deserved to know. Because she was there, right now, even after Clarke treater her so poorly, she was right there, wanting to stay, wanting to know.

She took a deep breath and grabbed Lexa's arm, taking her to the bar counter. She leaned over and raised her arm, getting the attention of one of the bartenders. The man quickly poured another 2 shots and walked off to serve other people.

"I mean that I don't know if I can tell you all you need to know without a little bit of social lubrication." She said as she downed both shots, one after the other, making Lexa widen her eyes.

* * *

 

"If I remember well, you said  _a little bit_." Lexa said as she tried to help a drunken Clarke to to go up the stairs of the blonde's building.

"Wut? You implying I'm drunk? I'm perrrrrfectly fine!" Clarke replied as she tripped on the last step, falling on the floor on her hands and knees. "What the fuck? Who put that fucking step there?"

Lexa shook her head laughing as she reached down to help Clarke up.

"I'm just a lil' bit tipsy okay? I'M NOT DRUNK!" The blonde said pointing a finger to Lexa's face, pressing her eyes as she tried to balance herself along the corridor.

Reaching her apartment door, she leaned against the wall and released a heavy sigh.

"Turn off the spinning machine, Lexa. I can't stand like this." She said as her body started lowering to the floor, rubbing her back against the wall.

Lexa lowered her body and reached for Clarke's pockets, trying to find the keys. She put her hand on both front pocket's of the girl's trousers and reached for the back pockets, not finding anything.

"Hey, shouldn't we get in the flat first?" Clarke said with a naughty grin on her lips.

"I'm trying to find your keys. You're too drunk for anything else than sleeping."

"Oh you have no idea what I can do at this level of drunkeness. But I can show you if you want." She said, keeping the grin. In a second, the smile faded and she pressed her eyes, staring at a slightly confused Lexa. "AND I'M NOT DRUNK!"

Lexa sighed and reached for the blonde's bag, finding the keys on the front pocket. She stood up and opened the door, quickly putting her and Clarke's bag on the kitchen counter and walking back out to help the blonde up.

"Come on, Clarke, let's get in."

Lexa crouched down and placed both her hands under Clarke's arms, lifting her up. The blonde wobbled her body around and managed to stand on her feet, taking slow steps inside the flat, being half held by Lexa who wrapped one of the girl's arms around her own neck.

"That's it." Lexa said, kicking the door shut. "A few more steps, let's get you to bed."

"I wouldn't think that you'd take me to bed so soon." Clarke giggled.

Lexa laughed and lowered the girl onto the bed, helping her to remove her shoes. Clarke crawled to the top and messily got under the cover, releasing a heavy sigh. The brunette walked to the kitchen and filled a plastic bottle with water. She walked back to the bed and gave it to Clarke who sat up and took the bottle from the brunette's hand, taking a long sip and placing it onto the bedside table.

"Well, you're home safe. You should get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow and we can set a date so we can chat. Even though I hardly believe you will remember any of this." Lexa laughed to herself as she started to turn around to leave.

"My parents died four years ago. That's roughly when I came to this city." Clarke said, abruptly.

Lexa froze on her feet and took a deep breath. She turned back to face Clarke and noticed that the girl was still sitting up, her back leaned against the bed frame.

"Clarke, you don't have to do this now. I'll call you tomorrow when you're sober." The brunette tried to reason with Clarke.

"I am not that drunk. And I won't be able to do it sober. So if you want to know why I shut you out, why I was a dick to you when we met, why I'm fucked up, let me talk."

Lexa nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, gaze locked with Clarke. The blonde took another deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I always wanted to study art, for as long as I can remember, but we didn't have a lot of money so, with time, I kinda gave up on it. Then one day, I was at home and the phone rang. It was the hospital, my parents were involved in a car crash, a big one. They didn't survive." She paused for a minute to release another deep breath. "After a couple of weeks I found out that they had a savings account with enough money for me to get into an art school. I had no strings attached where I lived so I decided to come here because the school here is one of the best. I packed a few clothes and some art materials and came."

Lexa approached the blonde a fre centimeters and touched the girl's leg over the covers, reassuring her.

"When I got here, I got a job in a bar because I knew the money my parents left for me wouldn't be enough to pay for rent, bills and the school fees. That's when I met Octavia. We clicked from the beginning and it was good to finally have a friend. I meet a few other people with time but Octavia was the one that became my best friend."

Lexa saw the kind smile forming on the girl's lips as she spoke of her friend. But the smile didn't linger on her face as her features turned sad and her blue eyes turned grey.

"After almost a year, I was practising and enhancing my portfolio so I could send my application to the art school. That's when I met him."

Lexa's eyes widened in surprise.

"Him?" She asked, noticing that Clarke was taking slightly longer to carry on.

"My ex boyfriend, Finn Collins." She said with a sad voice. "He was a regular at the bar. Dark hair, nice eyes, charming and funny. A little bit cocky but I didn't mind. He was nice to me and I was lonely. We started dating and things got serious quite quickly. Before I could realise, I was in love with him. I never had a serious relationship before him so I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. He would talk about interesting things and take me to amazing places. I never imagined I could fall in love so hard."

Lexa pursed her lips at Clarke's description of her relationship with the boy. She wondered what happened and at the same time she was scared to know what broke the blonde so badly.

"I told him everything about me, about my parents, about my love for art and how they left me all that money so I could go to art school. He knew everything there was to know about me. He helped me with the school application, we went together to hand it in and he took me to dinner that night, even though we didn't know if my application would be successful."

Clarke sighed heavily, letting a tear trace her cheek as she lowered her head, trying to keep more tears at bay. She moved the covers and dizzily stood up, still feeling hazy, under the effect of alcohol. Lexa stood up to help her but the blonde raised her palm, showing her that she would get up on her own. She walked to her wardrobe and retrieved a folder from inside, opening it and taking an envelope and a piece of folded paper. She walked back to the bed and tucked herself in, handing the envelope to Lexa.

The brunette took the envelope and opening it, grabbing the letter that was inside. She felt her heart skip a beat when she read the letter.

"Your application was successful. I don't understand. Why are you not going then?"

"When the letter came, I almost had a heart attack. I was so happy; I felt like my life was going in the right direction. But there was a problem. You see the matriculation date on the letter? It was the same date of my first day of work at The Ark. Octavia had told me that Marcus Kane was a good boss but he was very strict with schedule so, putting off my first day was really not an option."

Clarke reached for the water bottle and took another few sips and placing it back on the bedside table.

"The night before the due date, he was in his computer, looking for flight tickets. Now I can see clearly how he was acting weird for quite a while, vague, not really there, you know? He was going on about wanting to travel, to see the world and I was only worried about my art school. That specific night, he said the only thing holding him back was money, and that he would find some money somehow to travel. That night he said _'I want to travel, Clarke. I want to go everywhere!'_ "

Clarke looked at Lexa who widened her eyes even more. Those were the same words Lexa said right before Clarke ran off from the bar and closed herself up. Things started to slowly make sense for the brunette. She felt an urge to apologise but she held herself back as she notice Clarke wasn't done talking.

"As I said, at the time, I didn't notice anything. I was stupid, in love, I trusted him. That night we decided that he would go in my place to pay the fees and get the spot so I could start my course. I gave him the bank card and the pin number for my savings account, as well as my documents and a letter explaining why I couldn't be there. I was sure that everything would be just fine. He went home and I went to sleep because I would start to work early in the next morning."

Lexa approached further, sitting by Clarke's side on the bed and, involuntarily, she took Clarke's hand and laced her fingers on the blonde's.

"Well, I went to work in the next morning and Finn did not call me or message me. I thought he just went to the school early to get it all done. But my shift finished and I came home and still, no news from him. I started to get worried because it was far into the afternoon and he should be back by then. I called his phone but he wouldn't pick up and he didn't reply to any of my messages. I was getting worried that something had happened to him."

Lexa felt Clarke's grip on her hand tightening as a few more tears started falling down the girl's face.

"It was already late afternoon when the knock on the door started." She said, not holding back the tears anymore. "I opened and there was a man standing outside with a bunch of boxes. He said there was a delivery that was paid for. He handed me a piece of paper and left. When I started opening the boxes, there was loads of art materials. Paints, canvases, brushes, an easel… and this."

Clarke gave to lexa the folded piece of paper that she took from her wardrobe with the school letter. Lexa covered her mouth with her hand as she read the message,

_I hope you enjoy the gift._

_Good luck pretending to be an artist and thank you for the plane tickets._

_Finn._

Lexa lowered her hand from her mouth and placed on top of Clarke's hand. The blonde was weeping openly now her sobs were loud and sad and the brunette felt all the air had escaped her lungs. She understood now. She understood why Clarke was so harsh to her in the beginning. She had done the same thing Finn did. Clarke loved and trusted him with all she had and he betrayed her deeply. She took everything from her. He took her money, her chance to study art, her dignity, her ability to trust people, to let people in. He made her build a wall around her. Why wouldn't she? She never loved before and the first time she did, she was hurt, she was broken and she never recovered from it. And Lexa said the same words he had, did the same thing he did. She felt ashamed, even though there was no way for her to know these things, she still felt guilty.

"The next morning I called the art school and they said no one showed up and I had lost my spot. I never saw him or heard of him again. I don't know where he went, I don't know if he always planned that, if he ever liked me at all. All I knew is that I was left alone again, with nothing to hold myself onto. So I just carried on with my life. I built this wall around me and I just work and save money to try the art school again someday soon."

"Clarke, I'm so, so sorry. I had no idea." Lexa said in a whisper.

"It's not your fault." Clarke said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I did the same thing. I sent you the art materials. I said the same things… I… I'm sorry." The brunette lowered her head.

"Lexa, you have nothing to feel sorry about. how could you have guessed? It was impossible. I just wanted to explain to you why I was acting the way I was. I never meant to actually be a dick to you or to shut you out. I just…" Clarke took one more deep breath. "I'm scared, Lexa. I'm so scared of all that pain. And what scares me the most is that I really like you."

Lexa let a small smile grow on her lips.

"I really like you too. And I really appreciate that you are telling me all this, Clarke."

The blonde smiled shyly as she took the water bottle for a few more sips. She watched as Lexa got up and grabbed the bottle, filling it up again. As she returned to the side of the bed, she placed a gentle kiss on the blonde's forehead.

"Now you really should sleep. Shake all this alcohol off. I'll call you ok?"

She stood up and took her bag, looking back at Clarke who had a sad expression.

"Would you… stay? I don't want to be alone…" The blonde said awkwardly.

Lexa smiled and put her bag down, walking back towards the bed and laying next to Clarke.

"Sleep, Clarke." She said as the blonde nested her head on the brunette's side.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" She asked quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere." Lexa said, placing her hand on the blonde's head and gently caressing her hair.

The brunette took a deep breath and pursed her lips as she noticed the breathing pattern of the girl laid by her side calming down. She felt a small grin growing on her lips as the darkness and tiredness took over her body and she felt herself drifting off to sleep.


	13. I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry for the delay on this chapter. I ended up not having time to update before my holiday and I only just managed to stop and do some writing after I got back.
> 
> That being said, I would like to thank you all for the amazing feedback as always. The more you leave me comments, the more I feel like carrying on. So I really thank you all very much for your feedback.
> 
> We will soon learn what haunts Lexa but for now, let's enjoy some light hearted fluff, shall we? I hope you enjoy this one.
> 
> Don't forget to poke me on Tumblr; I'm [once-upon-a-sasss](http://once-upon-a-sasss.tumblr.com). ;)

 

**Chapter 13 - I Do.**

The sound of the rain outside woke Clarke up; she brought her hand to her face and pressed her eyes. It took only a few seconds for the first signs of a massive headache to show up. She knew it wasn't because of the alcohol consumption, but because of the amount of tears and memories revisited only a few hours ago. She couldn't quite figure out if that had indeed happened or if it was only a very weird dream, but the sound of someone breathing next to her brought the confirmation she needed.

Lexa was peacefully sleeping by the blonde's side; the calm breathing and serene expression brought a shy smile to Clarke's face. She lightly trailed her fingers over the girl's cheeks, releasing a deep breath as she moved her body away and stood up. She walked to the kitchen and leaned over the counter, burying her head in her hands. She felt lighter in a way, but on the other hand she felt guilty. Once again, Lexa was nothing but nice to her and she shut her out with no explanation, nothing. Thankfully, the girl didn't give up on her, she thought. But the sound of the brunette's paced breaths coming from her bed scared her to the point of feeling her heart beating fast.

She poured some water in a glass and took a few sips from it. With every minute, more and more details from the conversation she had with Lexa a few hours ago would come back to her. She told her everything, she showed her why she was so scared , how badly she had been hurt. She felt torn apart, as if telling Lexa everything she had been through made all the wounds reopen and start to bleed again. She felt more scared than ever. Even though her brain tried and tried to reach out for some reason, she couldn't just let go. She was scared of being hurt again, even though Lexa had been giving her so many reasons to trust her. She was right there, only a few steps away. She stayed with her, she didn't say no and she could have.

Clarke felt something for her. She liked her and this very fact was making her feel even more scared. She was terrified of the pain; she didn't even feel like her wounds had properly healed yet. She was overwhelmed with feelings, with fear and at the same time, with hope. Hope that maybe this time things would be different. She missed loving and feeling loved, she missed having someone next to her, she missed the human contact. It was like a fierce battle was being fought inside her head and both sides were losing.

She couldn't control the tears that flooded her face and ran down her cheeks; it was like she was releasing all the pressure that was trapped inside of her. It was the first time she spoke about her past with anyone other than Octavia and, in a way, it felt good. She couldn't tell if the tears she was shedding were of relief or pain but she thought it was probably both.

Clarke watched as Lexa moved about on the bed and sat up, rubbing her eyes. She lowered her head to try and hide her face as the girl stood up and walked towards her.

"Clarke? Are you ok?" Lexa asked.

"I'm fine." She said, her voice trembling with tears. "I just needed some water, I'll go back to bed in a second."

"You're crying." The brunette pointed out as she walked further closer to Clarke.

"I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." She replied, raising her head, allowing Lexa to see her swollen eyes.

"Oh Clarke…" Lexa breathed out when she saw the girl's face.

"I'm so scared… So fucking scared, Lexa." She said, sobbing and lowering her head again.

Lexa took another step and stood only a few inches away from Clarke. She wanted to hug her, to hold her in her arms and reassure her. She wanted to protect her and show her that everything would be alright but, she couldn't be sure of that. Taking another step, she placed her hands on the blonde's cheeks and touched the girl's forehead with her own. She could feel the scent of Clarke's tears as the girl still looked at the floor. She took a deep breath as if she was gathering courage and brought her hand to the blonde's chin, raising her face and meeting her gaze. Clarke's swollen eyes and scared expression made Lexa's heart break a little. She felt an urge to show her that she was there now and she wasn't going anywhere. She started to move her head forwards, getting even closer to the blonde but she stopped herself as the girl took a deep breath, preparing to say something.

"Please don't hurt me..." Clarke said in a whisper.

"I won't."

"Please... Please don't hurt me." The blonde said once more, voice clogged by tears.

"I won't."

Lexa pulled the girl towards her into an embrace, the only way she had to show her that she would do whatever she could to never hurt her, to never let her suffer that much again. She knew that she couldn't be absolutely sure that she would never hurt Clarke, the same way she couldn't know if Clarke would ever hurt her, because she knows that sometimes things just happen and people get hurt but, she made a promise to herself and to Clarke in that moment; she would do whatever she could to never hurt her.

"You should sleep some more." Lexa whispered. "The sun won't be up for at least another three hours." The brunette released the embrace and turned around, lightly pulling Clarke's arm and walking towards the bed.

"Are you still staying?" Clarke asked as she followed her.

Lexa got in bed and tucked herself under the cover. Stretching her arm, she called Clarke in as the girl still stood, staring at her. The brunette offered a small smile, making the girl crawl into bed and lay by her side. She then moved to the side, fitting Clarke's head on her shoulder, as the blonde placed her arm over Lexa's belly. The brunette had one arm under Clarke's neck and she caressed the girl's hair gently as she interlaced her other hand's fingers with Clarke's own. She smiled as she heard the blonde taking a deep breath and getting comfortable in that position.

"I will stay for as long as you want me to." She said quietly as she closed her eyes and let sleep take her once more.

* * *

 

It was still raining when Lexa woke up again. She looked down at the blonde girl who had her arm wrapped around her waist and smiled. The brunette moved her hand that was resting on the girl's shoulder and touched Clarke's golden hair on a gentle caress. She felt content and peaceful and it has been so long since she last felt like this, she almost forgot the sensation. She knew Clarke still had a long way to go in order to beat her fears and trust issues but that was a start, and a good one. Lexa gently traced the outlines of the blonde's ear, running her fingers lightly on the girl's cheek and bringing her hand back to her hair, diving her fingers into the never ending sea of golden curls.

She then brought her hand back to the girl's shoulder and she placed her other arm across her own body, reaching for Clarke's torso and lightly pressing their bodies closer. She felt the blonde moving slightly, fitting herself properly on the curves of her body, as if she was welcoming the new closeness. Lexa broadened her smile at the girl's reaction before reaching for her phone on the bedside table to check the time. She widened her eyes when she saw that it was almost 2pm and lightly shook Clarke after putting the phone back on the table.

"Hey, time to wake up." She said with a calm tone, shaking the girl once more.

"Five more minutes…" Clarke replied with a drowsy voice.

"It's almost two in the afternoon, Clarke. We more than overslept." Lexa replied.

Clarke widened her eyes and jolted up, grabbing her phone. She looked at the device and sighed in relief.

"Jesus fucking Christ. That was scary. I was supposed to be working this afternoon but there's a message from my boss calling it off." She said, laying down again and nesting herself on Lexa's arms.

"This is nice." She said with a smile. "Can we just stay here forever?"

Lexa smiled and kissed the girl's forehead lightly.

"I wish…" She said as she started moving to get up.

"No, don't go…" Clarke pressed her arm around the brunette's waist, stopping her movement.

Lexa smiled again and softly pressed Clarke's arm, pushing it aside and standing up.

"I'm gonna make us some coffee, come on, get up." Lexa said, jokingly throwing her pillow on Clarke.

"I'd be careful if I were you." Clarke said, getting on her knees. "You don't want to start a pillow fight with me." She smiled. "Unless, of course, if you enjoy losing." She finished as she threw the pillow back at the brunette, hitting her right on the face.

"Oh my god! I'm sorry!" Clarke quickly stood up and walked towards Lexa, who widened her eyes, grabbing the pillow from the floor.

"How dare you?" The brunette said in a jokey way.

"Well, you started." Clarke smiled.

Lexa held the pillow and waved it towards Clarke, hitting the girl on the belly and making her fall back on the bed. She then knelt on the mattress and hit her again, lightly.

"Also, it is very presumptuous of you to think I'd lose." She said as she hit Clarke once more, causing the blonde to start laughing.

Clarke quickly sat up and tried to take the pillow from Lexa's hand but the brunette had a strong grip on the object. She pulled it with force, making the other girl fall over her on the bed. She felt her heart beating faster when her eyes met Lexa's, and her chest started buzzing as she saw the kindness on the brunette's eyes. She lifted her head a bit, lightly kissing the girl's lips. As the rested her head back on the mattress, she stared at Lexa for a moment.

The brunette closed the distance between them once more, placing a soft kiss on Clarke's lips.

"Kiss me more." Clarke said in a whisper.

Lexa smiled and shook her head.

"Nope." The brunette said as she pulled herself up and stood by the bed.

"Why not?" Clarke asked as she sat up.

"Morning breath." Lexa said, laughing. "This is not a rom-com, Clarke. I'll kiss you until you lose your breath if you want, but we need to brush our teeth first." She said, grabbing the pillow and throwing it at the blonde once more.

Clarke quickly stood up and went straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her while Lexa walked towards the kitchen. The blonde looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. She definitely felt lighter than she did in ages. The thought that yes, all that was happening was insanely scary but there was something about Lexa, something in those green eyes that somehow made the fear a bit more bearable. She could, however, see sadness in the brunette's eyes, a deep, hidden glimpse of sadness and she thought that maybe one day Lexa would share with her the reason for that. But right now, Clarke wanted to only enjoy the lightness, enjoy the foreign feeling of happiness.

She finished brushing her teeth, washing her face and changing into comfortable pyjama shorts and vest as Lexa knocked on the door.

"Coffee is on the counter." The brunette said through the door.

Clarke opened the door and smiled, making way for the brunette to enter the bathroom as she walked to the kitchen to fetch her coffee.

"There's a clean set of loungies in the cupboard if you want. Sleeping on your normal clothes must have been uncomfortable." Clarke said before the brunette closed the bathroom door.

A couple of minutes afterwards Lexa exited the bathroom with her face clean and her hair tied up on a bun. She smiled at Clarke and walked towards the kitchen and got her own coffee. She walked to the sofa and sat down, inviting the blonde to sit by her side.

"These look nice on you." Clarke said as she noticed the loose shorts and tee shirt the brunette took from the bathroom cupboard. "I'm sorry I was a mess last night." She continued as she sat by Lexa's side.

"I'm pretty sure anyone would be a mess if they had to tell me what you told me." Lexa said, taking the blonde's hand and interlacing their fingers. "Thank you, by the way. For telling me. And for the clothes." She said, giggling.

"Thank you for not running away after I spilled all my issues." Clarke replied. "And I'm sorry I'm so fucked up." She continued, lowering her head.

"You have nothing to feel sorry about." Lexa said as she raised Clarke's chin with the tip of her fingers. "What happened to you is not your fault."

"I'm still scared." Clarke said looking into the brunette's eyes. "But I want to control it. As I said earlier, this, whatever this is, is nice. And I meant it when I said that I really like you."

Lexa smiled and leaned forward, gently kissing Clarke's lips. She then leaned against the sofa arm and stretched her hands, pulling the blonde closer. Clarke smiled and leaned her back against Lexa's chest, resting her head against the brunette's shoulder. She grabbed both Lexa's hands and interlaced them on her own, nesting herself into the brunette's embrace.

"Yes," Lexa said quietly, her mouth close to the blonde's ear. "This is nice. And I don't expect you to be any less scared. At least not at once. I also meant what I said to you, Clarke. I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to and I really like you too."

Clarke pressed Lexa's hands gently and took a deep breath.

"However, there is something I want to ask you. And I understand if it's too much or too quick. I just… I don't know, it just feels right so, whatever this is, I want to make it official." Lexa said with a trembling voice.

Clarke pulled herself from Lexa's embrace and faced the brunette. She stared at big green eyes and that hint of sadness was still there. But right now they carried more than just sadness. She couldn't tell for sure but it looked like Lexa was afraid. Afraid to ask whatever she wanted to ask. The blonde watched as Lexa took a deep breath.

"Clarke, do you want to be my g…"

Lexa didn't have the chance to finish her question as knocks on the door interrupted her. She turned her head to the flat entrance as Clarke stood up to see who was there. She had to quickly step aside when she opened the door as Octavia invited herself in and started talking without even looking properly at the blonde.

"Clarke, oh my god I need to tell you about this guy I met yesterday! He invited me out on a date and he is picking me up in like two hours!"

"Whoa, slow down. You met a guy yesterday and you're already going on a date with him?" Clarke asked as she closed the door.

"Yes, but, you know, he is gorgeous! He is….What the fuck did I just walk into?" Octavia stopped herself as she saw Lexa sat on the sofa holding a mug of coffee.

"Hello, Octavia." Lexa said, smiling.

Clarke walked back to the sofa and sat down, nesting herself against Lexa's chest as she watched her friend's eyes widening.

"You two are gross." Octavia said, raising an eyebrow. "You were totally…." She pointed at the messy bed with a grin. "Weren't you?"

"OCTAVIA!" Clarke shouted as she got up and walked towards her friend.

"Sorry, was that inappropriate?" Octavia said, laughing.

"Just a little bit." Lexa said. "And if you must know; no, we were totally not."

"Whatever." Octavia raised her shoulders. "Clarke, can I borrow that blue jacket?"

"Sure, it's in my wardrobe. Tell me about this date of yours." Clarke said.

Octavia walked towards the wardrobe and took the jacket. She walked back to the lounge, grabbed her back and walked towards the door.

"His name is Lincoln." She said as she opened the door. "But I don't have time to go through all the details. Ask Lexa, she will get you up to date on the goss."

Octavia blinked to Clarke who frowned and looked at Lexa. The brunette widened her eyes as Octavia laughed and left, closing the door behind her. Clarke walked towards the sofa and sat by Lexa's side, staring intensely at her.

"How come you know about Octavia's date and I don't?" Clarke asked, suspicious.

"Well, because I might have introduced them last night." Lexa said, pursing her lips.

"But how?" Clarke insisted.

"Okay, you'll have to promise me that you won't be angry at her. Or at me for that matter." Lexa said as she took Clarke's hand.

The blonde frowned and took a deep breath. She felt confused. She wondered how and why Lexa and Octavia managed to spend time together to the point that Lexa introduced someone to the girl. And more than that, she wondered why she should promise not to be angry. She didn't like this but she decided she would give the chance for Lexa to explain what was going on. With another deep breath, she nodded and stared at the brunette.

"Well, I sent you all those texts and tried to call you after you left me at the restaurant. After all those days, I figured that you really didn't want to talk to me anymore and I didn't want to be a bother. I mean, since I didn't know what made you run off and shut me out, I just assumed you didn't want to be around me." Lexa started to explain.

"I'm sorry, Lexa, I didn't mean to." Clarke said quietly.

"You have nothing to feel sorry about. Anyway, last night I was in my office and Octavia showed up. I don't know how she had the address but I just assumed you gave it to her. At first I thought you sent her there to tell me to stop messaging and calling you. But much for my surprise, she was there to tell me to not give up on you."

Lexa watched as Clarke's eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"She did what?" Clarke asked, a hint of anger on her voice.

"Clarke, you promised." Lexa reminded the blonde. "Look, I know it sounds a bit odd but I can see that Octavia really loves you. She was worried about you and so was I. She said to me that she knows you and...well she said that she knew you liked me and if I liked you back I shouldn't give up on you. She told me you would be working at The Ark and I decided to go there to talk to you because, yes, I do like you and I didn't want to give up on you in the first place. But I had no response from you and I didn't want to be annoying. So, really, Octavia going to my office just gave me the push I needed to go after you and tell you that I like you and I don't care if you're fucked up or not."

Clarke stared at Lexa in silence for a couple of minutes and sighed heavily.

"Well, I guess I didn't make your life any easier by not replying to your texts." She said. "Octavia is such a little shit, though. I have no idea how she got your address." She laughed.

"I'm glad she did." Lexa said.

"Me too." Clarke replied with a smile. "Still, this doesn't explain about her date."

"Oh yea, of course." Lexa laughed as she remembered the night before. "Lincoln is Anya's brother. He also showed up at the office last night to get some equipment for Anya. Well, he is a good looking guy and I noticed how Octavia looked at him when he got there so, I just put two and two together and got him to give her a lift home. I know Lincoln since I was a little girl and I knew he would like Octavia. I am quite surprised myself to know that he already asked her out on a date, though."

"You little villain!" Clarke poked Lexa on the ribs.

"Well, I guess I can say I was just returning a favour." Lexa said, pulling Clarke closer to her.

Clarke smiled and sat in front of Lexa who shuffled on the sofa to get as close as possible to the blonde. She looked at the brunette's eyes and held her gaze for a while.

"I brushed my teeth." She said as she leaned over slightly, stopping only a couple of inches away from Lexa's face.

"So did I." Lexa replied with a grin.

"I heard you can make me lose my breath." Clarke teased, pulling herself even closer.

Lexa felt the air thickening around them. Clarke was so close she could feel the blonde breathing over her lips, releasing a scent of toothpaste and coffee that inebriated her swiftly. She couldn't really understand why or how Clarke affected her so much especially because she spent so long building walls around herself to make sure she would never get so close to anyone. She didn't think she deserved to be close to anyone, not after what she had done. But with Clarke it was like there was no walls, nothing. There was nothing she could do. The blonde had awaken in her something she forgot she could feel. She wanted to get closer, and so she did.

Lexa leaned forward and closed the small gap between them, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. She placed her hand on the back of the blonde's neck, burying her fingers in the girl's golden curls. Without breaking the kiss, Lexa leaned forward, putting her body weight onto Clarke, making the girl lay with her back on the sofa. She laid over the blonde, pressing their bodies together. She licked the girl's lower lip, causing Clarke to open her mouth and capture Lexa's tongue, sucking it gently. The brunette moaned softly, pressing her body even harder against Clarke's. Lexa touched Clarke's tongue with her own once more, tangling them together in a slow, sensual dance. She moved her hand, placing it on the blonde's hip, making the girl jolt her body upwards when the brunette's hand touched the small section of exposed skin on Clarke's hipbone. Lexa slowly moved her hand upwards, lifting Clarke's shirt and caressing the blonde's skin. Teasingly, she gently scraped the girl's skin downwards with her nails, making Clarke moan and lift her hips slightly. She brought her hand back to the blonde's neck and captured the girl's lower lip between her own, biting it softly. Lexa felt like her whole life orbited towards that very moment; as if what she was sharing with Clarke was the reason why she was alive up to that day.

After what felt like an eternity, and at the same time, not long enough, Lexa's phone started to ring, making them break the kiss and causing the brunette to curse in silence as she reached for the device. Clarke took a deep breath and tried to adjust her breathing and her heartbeat as she stared into Lexa's eyes, noticing that the usual clear green was replaced with a dark, intense, almost opaque nuance. She watched as the brunette took the call and stood up, walking towards the kitchen. Clarke followed her, opening the tap and splashing her face with cold water, making Lexa giggle while she spoke on the phone. The call didn't last very long and, in a couple of minutes, Lexa was standing by Clarke's site with a grin on her lips.

"Did I make you lose your breath?" She asked, teasingly.

"You're the devil." Clarke replied, lightly poking the girl on her shoulder. "What's up?" She asked, motioning to the brunette's phone.

"I have to go to the office. There is a new exhibit soon in the gallery and I have loads to sort out." Lexa said with a sigh.

"But it's like, almost 4 in the afternoon." Clarke protested.

"I know. But I'll make it up to you." She apologised. "How about dinner at mine tomorrow night?"

"Ugh, I can't. I'm working tomorrow night. What about Saturday?"

"Saturday it is then. I have a photoshoot in the afternoon but I'll be home around 6pm. Can you come around 7pm?"

"It's a date." Clarke said as she leaned her body against Lexa's, kissing her lips softly.

"Okay." Lexa sighed. "I should go, then." Lexa said as she walked towards the bathroom.

After a few minutes, the brunette was standing by the open door of the flat, staring at Clarke with a smile.

"See you on Saturday." She said as she leaned to kiss the blonde once more.

"Call me. Or text me. Or both." Clarke said.

"I will." Lexa said as she turned around and started walking towards the exit of the building. She stopped before she could leave as she heard Clarke calling her name.

"Lexa!"

The brunette turned around and looked at the girl, who held a big smile on her face.

"Yes?" Lexa said loudly.

"I do."

"You do what?" The brunette asked in confusion.

"I do want to be your girlfriend."


	14. I Think You Already Did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you so much again for all the lovely messages. I really appreciate it, it means so much to me to know that you like this story.  
> Before we start, I would like to let you know that we are really close to the end. I am planning to add two more chapters to conclude the story and I advise you hold on to your knickers because there is some angst coming your way.
> 
> I hope you like this one! =)
> 
> Don't forget to poke me on Tumblr, I'm once-upon-a-sasss .

**Chapter 14 - I think You Already Did**

Clarke woke up slowly with the sound of someone knocking on her door. She stretched her arm to reach for her phone and widened her eyes at the time. It was past 4am and she had no idea who could be at her door this late at night.

"Just a minute!" She said sleepily as she wrapped herself on her night gown and walked to the door.

Outside, a short brunette stood wearing a lot of makeup and a wide smile. Clarke sighed and made way for her friend to come in.

"This better be an emergency, O. Honestly, you barged in earlier and now you interrupt my beauty sleep. I might kill you." Clarke said jokingly as she started to make coffee.

"Clarke. Oh my god. I'm sorry but I had to come." Octavia said sitting on the sofa. "I think I'm in love."

"Whoa, wait up. As far as I know you met the guy yesterday?"

"Yea. Well, maybe in love is a bit much but there is something about him. I don't know. It's like, when he drove me home last night he didn't speak much but it was like we had this kind of understanding going on and, when I was leaving the car he just asked me out and for some reason I didn't even think twice, I just said yes."

"Well, I can't say that I can't relate." Clarke said as she walked to the sofa and handed a cup of coffee to Octavia. "But, in love? Seems extreme."

"I know. Well, I can say that this was the best date of my life and I didn't even take my clothes off." Octavia giggled. "He is super sensitive and polite. He draws as well, he showed me a couple of doodles and, guess what? He drew a picture of me! We met yesterday and he probably spent his night drawing my face on his little sketchbook!"

"That is lovely, O. I'm happy for you!" Clarke said, smiling.

"I'm sorry I came here this late, I was just so happy and so excited, I wanted to share it with you." Octavia said. "Also, I want to know what is going on between you and the photographer."

"I see how it is." Clarke said, jokingly slapping her friend's hand. "You just wanted to gather intel!"

"And share my happiness with you! Don't forget that!"

Clarke took a deep breath and smiled. She thought about the day she spent with Lexa and how everything went from pretty much lost to a new beginning in a matter of hours. She thought about how she managed to open up the the girl and tell her everything that happened, about how she felt good in her arms and how she felt safe. She thought that maybe this time hope wasn't so much of a foolish idea.

"Well, I might have a girlfriend…" Clarke said, not being able to keep the smile off her face.

"Holy shit! For real? How come? Three days ago you were quite certain that nothing would be happening." Octavia said, surprised.

"Well, you know me, O. I will bury my head in the sand if I can. And that was what I was doing but, thanks to you," Clarke poked her friend with a giggle. "she didn't give in to my stubbornness and things ended up actually working out right."

"You know I'll need more details than that, Princess." Octavia crossed her legs and leaned against the sofa.

"I got drunk, obviously, I had to shame myself somehow. It's my M.O." Clarke laughed.

"Amen." Octavia said, raising her coffee cup.

"She walked me back here because I had no conditions of coming home on my own. Although, I was completely conscious of everything that was going on. I kinda got tipsy on purpose. It was the only way I found to have the courage to tell her."

"Tell her what?" Octavia asked.

"About Finn. I told her everything. Explained what happened, what he did to me. How I freaked out because, not knowing about it, she did the same things he did and said the same things he said and that made me freak out even more."

"Fuck! Did you really tell her the whole thing?"

"Yes. Everything. And she didn't turn away to leave. She stayed, O. She stayed even knowing that I am fucked up and why I am this way. I told her I was still scared; well, I am still scared and she said that she didn't mind and that she didn't expect me to be all ok that easily." Clarke's smile broadened with the thought of Lexa's reaction.

"That's good, Princess. That's really good. So you told her about your fucked up past and she not only said it was ok but also got in your pants? She is definitely a keeper." Octavia laughed.

"Oh my god Octavia, you're impossible! Nothing happened. We kissed and cuddled a lot, that's all. And she was actually asking if I wanted to be her girlfriend when you arrived earlier. I asked her to stay overnight because I just didn't want to be alone after going through all that shit in my head." Clarke said as she brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them around her arms.

"I'm just joking, it's not like I actually want to know when or where you're doing your business." Octavia laughed.

"Anyway, that's it. I have a girlfriend now and I'm scared shitless." Clarke said, shrugging.

"You'll be fine. This Lexa chick seems to be the real deal. Just take it slow, feel the territory and see how things go." Octavia said.

"That's the plan." Clarke said, yawning. "I need to go back to sleep, O. I work tomorrow night and I want to do some painting in the day."

"Fine. Well, I'm obviously staying over so I'll just shower quickly and join you. Save the area on the bed where you didn't do gross things for me." The brunette stood up laughing.

"Shut up, you dick!" Clarke hit her friend with a pillow as she walked back to her bed, letting the tiredness take over her body.

* * *

 

It was past 2pm on Friday when Lexa finally managed to get some food. She heavily sat by her desk and shuffled away all the papers and other stuff that engulfed the whole workspace. Taking the bag filled with take away containers, she placed the few boxes over the desk and grabbed a set of knife and fork. After some bites, she reached for her bag to check on her phone. The brunette frowned at the screen that showed no new messages. She dropped the fork and started typing on the device.

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Busy day is busy._

She pressed the send button and waited no longer than a minute for the reply.

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _AlexaG? I'd expect a better Whatsapp name._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I'm not very creative._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _We have to work on that._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _My Whatsapp name is just fine, Clarke._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _We'll see about that. How is your day going anyway?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Busy. I left the office almost 1am last night and was back in at 9am this morning._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _Fuck me, that's not healthy, is it? Do you want me to rescue you?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _If only. I don't have much more to do though._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _Good. And as you finish your working day, I will be starting mine._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Will you be wearing the same hot outfit you were the other night?_

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _Probably. Why?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _o_o_

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _Are you jealous?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Maybe. Would you like if I was jealous?_

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _It would be cute. :3_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _You're not the last one._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Griffin. You're not the last Griffin._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _What are you on about?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _You said my Whatsapp name was not good. Well, there are over 2 thousand Griffin's in England alone._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _O.o Did you just Google my family name?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _It looks like we will both have to work on our Whatsapp names…_

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _…_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _That's right. *evil laugh*_

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _You're the devil._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _So I've heard._

 _**TheLastGriffin:** _ _lol. I have to shower and start getting ready. I'll message you before I start my shift ok?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Ok. Ttyl._

Lexa put her phone down with a smile and carried on eating her lunch. Not long after, the brunette watched as Anya entered the office carrying many bags, followed by Lincoln who were also carrying a lot of things.

"All sorted, kiddo." Anya breathed out as she let go of the bags and took a seat by her desk. "The paintings should be arriving on Sunday and all the teams are contacted."

"Perfect!" Lexa said as she walked towards the bags brought by Anya and Lincoln and started checking the contents. "I came here in the morning and all the contacts with the artists are made, they will all be here for the opening."

"And the gallery?" Anya asked.

"Work is underway. Went there after I finished the calls this morning. Actually I only just got back. The walls are painted and the stencils are being applied so, I think we will be fine. Why didn't you get all this delivered?" She said as she looked through more bags.

"The next delivery slot available was on Monday and the art team will need this tonight to put the set together." Anya explained.

"Oh are these all props for tomorrow's photoshoot?" The brunette questioned.

"Yes. You better be very nice to me, Lexa. I'm literally carrying your weight." Anya said, laughing.

"You're the best. Thank you."

"It's fine. I'm gonna go grab some food. Linc, what do you want?" The woman asked, turning to her brother.

"Burger. The biggest possible." The man said with a tired voice.

"Be careful, Lincoln. If you eat too many burgers you'll lose your physical appeal and Octavia won't want to be with you anymore." Lexa joked.

"Who the hell is Octavia?" Anya asked stopping by the door.

"Oh, didn't Linc tell you? He's got a sweetheart." Lexa carried on teasing.

"Lexa! She is...well, she likes me for more than my physical appearance. She likes my drawings." Lincoln said with a soft tone.

"I'm gonna go get the food before I get sick. And Lexa, don't you think you're off the hook. I want to know exactly what caused you to sleep somewhere other than your own flat for the first time in a thousand years. And more importantly, where and with whom did you sleep." Anya turned on her heels and walked out the door.

"You're in trouble." Lincoln said, poking Lexa on the shoulder.

* * *

 

"So, Lincoln is gone to meet his so called sweetheart and you can spill the beans." Anya turned to Lexa as she closed the office door.

"You're not gonna let me off, will you?" Lexa asked without moving her eyes from the computer screen.

"Are you kidding me? My baby-almost-sister has a night out for the first time in ages and you expect me to just let it go?" The woman sat on the chair across Lexa's desk.

"I was with Clarke." Lexa said, shyly.

"Of course you were."

"I went to the bar she works." The brunette said in a confessional tone.

"Of course you did."

"Anya! Will you stop?" She said, laughing.

"I'm sorry, Lex, it's just so obvious that you would end up doing this. I mean it's quite blatant that you're kind of high key infatuated."

"Do you remember that she told me she was fucked up? And how I told you about the day she ran from the restaurant we were and shut me out?"

"How can I forget? You were grumpy for the whole damn time." Anya laughed.

"Anyway, she told me why. She explained what happened to her and why she acted that way." Lexa said as she stared at her friend, her memory travelling back to the night before. "So, when I got to The Ark she was working and she agreed on talking to me after her shift. But she got drunk and I had to take her home. When we got there, she started telling me all these things and she asked me to stay so, I stayed."

"You  _stayed_ , stayed?" Anya raised an eyebrow.

"Why is everyone assuming this? No, Anya. Clarke was drunk. She asked me to stay with her because she didn't want to be alone." Lexa laughed. "Well, the main point is the next morning."

"Finally! The juicy bits." Anya shuffled on the chair, getting comfortable.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you but, there is nothing juicy. Not the way you are expecting at least. I asked her to be my girlfriend." Lexa said with a casual tone.

"You did what?"

"I'm tired, Anya. I'm tired of hurting. I like her. She makes me feel things I didn't know I still could. She makes me remember what life was like before...before I did what I did. And I like that feeling. I know it seems soon and abrupt but it just feels right. And she said yes, she said she likes me too."

Anya stood up and walked around the desk, standing in front of Lexa who stared at her confused. The woman leaned down her body and took the brunette into her arms in a warm embrace. Lexa wrapped her arms around the woman's torso and took a deep breath. She knew she could confide in Anya. They have been a team for as long as the brunette could remember and she knew that with Anya she would always have a safe place.

"Lex, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to come out of this shell you put yourself into. It makes me so, so happy. There is just one thing though. You didn't do anything and you have to stop blaming yourself." Anya said softly.

"One step at the time." Lexa replied quietly.

They kept the embrace for a while, only breaking the contact when Lexa's phone buzzed showing one new message. Anya looked down at the screen and at the brunette's face. She lightly cuddled the top of the girl's head as she saw the broad smile that grew on her face when Lexa saw the message on the screen. The woman walked back to her desk and sat down, giving the gril some privacy.

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Is this better?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Oh my god._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _That's right._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Aren't you clever?_

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _lol. I'll be waiting for your new name._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I'll think of something. Are you going to work soon?_

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Already at The Ark. I start at 5. Are you home yet?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _About to leave. Will stop to buy the ingredients for tomorrow's dinner._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Are you cooking for me?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I might be._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Exciting. What are we having?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I'm afraid you will have to wait until tomorrow night to find out._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Oh well. So be it. I gotta go, Kane is on my neck. Check your emails, I sent a couple of photos of the painting I did this morning. I hope you like it. Ttyl._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Have a good shift._

Lexa turned to her computer screen and opened the email app. After a few seconds the new emails started to pop on the screen. The brunette scrolled past a couple of messages from equipment suppliers and other business related emails until she found the message that came from Clarke.

_From: clarke_griffin_paints_

_To: alexandria_

_Subject: I hope you like it._

_Hi. I did some painting this morning. It's shit because I didn't have a model, it's all from my head so, I apologise in advance if you don't like it. But I hope you do._

_Clarke_

Lexa moved the cursor and clicked on the first attached image. When it loaded, she felt her heart skipping a beat as she brought her hand to her mouth in awe. She stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity as she felt her eyes starting to pool with tears. No one had ever done anything like that and she felt special, she felt unique. As the tears started rolling down her cheek, she tried but failed to hold back a small sob, getting the attention of Anya who looked at Lexa with a worried face and immediately stood up and walk towards the brunette to see what was the cause of distress.

As the woman looked at the computer screen, she mimicked Lexa's motion and brought her hand to her mouth.

"Holy shit. She is good." Anya said as she looked at the image with wide eyes.

Lexa could not utter a word. She clicked on the second image and felt her jaw drop further when she saw the painting in a different angle. Slightly closer, showing more detail. It was beautiful.

"This is amazing, Kiddo. I'm really happy for you." Anya touched the brunette's shoulder as she turned to walk back to her own desk.

Lexa wiped her face with the back of her hand as she reached for her phone.

 _**AlexaG:** _ _It's beautiful. I can't wait to see it in front of me. Thank you, thank you so much._

She pressed send and turned her attention back to the screen. The image was open in full screen and Lexa could not take her eyes off it. The slightly wonky photograph showed a large canvas, completely covered. In the background, a pattern of colours and shapes served as frame for the main subject of the painting. Tones of brown shaded and overlaid, formed braids and twists as an olive tone on almost the whole of the canvas served as bed for the green Clarke used to portray the eyes. They were soft but intense and Lexa could see how much the blonde put herself into that painting. Clarke spent her day painting Lexa's face; it was an artistic portray, a deep, meaningful image of how the blonde sees Lexa. All details were there. The shades of her eyes, the braids of her hair, the slight half smile that the brunette held so often. But Clarke captured more than that. She captured the pain in her eyes in a way no one ever could. She had noticed, Lexa thought, that the pain was there and Clarke portrayed it in such beautiful way. She felt understood, she felt supported. She felt respected. Clarke saw in her eyes that she was hurting but she never dared asking, she never dared invading Lexa's privacy. The blonde gave Lexa space, she gave her time to decide whether she wants or not to share her pain.

Lexa stared at the screen for a bit longer before turning the computer off and grabbing her things. She put her bag on her shoulder and looked at Anya, who was observing her every reaction.

"I'm going home. Clarke is coming for dinner tomorrow night and I want to do something special." She said to her friend.

"Okay, that sounds like a very good idea." Anya smiled.

Lexa nodded and turned around, starting to walk towards the door.

"I've seen this look before, Lexa. And I'm happy to be seeing it again." Anya said, making Lexa stop.

The brunette took a deep breath and faced her friend, who had a kind expression.

"I think I'm falling for her." She said, with a small smile.

Anya nodded at the brunette and watched as she walked out of the office, closing the door behind her, never hearing Anya's following words.

"I think you already did, Kiddo."


	15. I Believed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly I'm so, so sorry for the delay. Life caught up with me big time and, unfortunately, I didn't have almost any time in the last couple of weeks to write. So, again, I'm really sorry about this. Another thing you must know, is that this chapter was not beta'd at all so, if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes, let me know so I can fix it.  
> Once again, thank you so much for the constant support, even though I kept you waiting for so long. This is probably the penultimate chapter of this story and let me tell ya, what a ride!
> 
> Don't forget to poke me on Tumblr, I'm once-upon-a-sasss!
> 
> And finally, I hope you like this chapter. #sorrynotsorry

**Chapter 15 - I believed.**

 

Lexa arrived in her flat carrying four bags of groceries. She walked to the kitchen area and dropped the bags on the floor, taking the items that needed refrigeration and placed them in the fridge. Taking out her shoes, she went to the bedroom and took her notebook from the drawer, along with the framed picture of the smiling brunette girl.

With a sigh and with a smile on her face, she took a pen and opened the book. Lexa stared at it for a few moments, thoughts flooding her mind. She thought about the time spent with Clarke and the conversation she had with Anya a couple of hours ago. Who was she trying to fool? She knew she was not just falling for Clarke. She thought about the blonde all the time and the very buzz of her phone showing a new message would make her heart accelerate. And it felt good to feel like this. A sensation she almost forgotten how it was. She was glad she could still feel that way, even though she knew that she ruined things once and there was always a possibility that she would do it again.

However, this time, she didn't want to shake the feeling off. She wanted to keep it and embrace it. She was tired of being in pain, of being lonely and she knew that the time had come to say goodbye to the past and accept the love that was being offered to her.

She flicked through the pages and stared at a blank one, holding the tip of the pen close to the surface.

_Clarke_

She wrote the girl's name and her smile broadened. Looking at the framed photograph, she ran her fingers on the surface of the frame in a gentle caress. The brunette turned her attention back to the notebook and carried on writing.

_I'm sorry, but I'm in love with her. I need you to know this before anyone else.  
I will always remember the time we spent together but I need to let you go. I know you will be happy for me._

_I love her. I'm sorry._

Lexa ripped off the page and placed it on top of the framed photograph. Standing up, she closed the notebook and took it inside her closet. The brunette took a box from a high shelf and put the notebook inside it, closing it and placing it back. She then walked back to the bedroom and put the ripped page and the photograph back in the drawer of her bedside table.

The brunette reached for her bag and took her mobile, smiling at the screen that showed 3 new messages.

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _I'm so glad you liked it._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Work is boring. We had three drunk people being thrown off already._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _What u up to?_

Lexa giggled and started typing on the device.

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Just got home. Shouldn't you be working?_

The brunette got up and walked to the kitchen, reaching for a mug and the jar of instant coffee. She poured boiling water in the mug and added a bit of milk, stirring gently. Grabbing the mug, she went to the lounge area of the flat and curled up on the sofa, reaching for her Kindle and putting her phone on the sofa arm. Lexa lit up the screen of her tablet and started searching for a new book to read when her phone buzzed announcing a new message. She quickly took the device and lit up the screen.

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _I am working. I mean not exactly now, I'm having a break._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Breaks are nice. What time do you finish?_

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _In two hours. Are you cooking already?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _No, I'm about to start reading a book. But I might have an early night, need to go to the office before the photoshoot._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Alright. I'll leave you to it. Break is over. Should I message you later or will it wake you up?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Message me whenever you want. Be safe on your way home._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _I'm meeting O. She will walk home with me._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Oh wow that makes you be really safe. *sarcasm*_

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _lol. She is a badass. And so am I. I'll message you when I'm home so you can calm your little heart._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Thank you. My little heart appreciates it._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Alright I really need to go now. Ttyl, enjoy your book._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Ttyl._

Lexa put down her phone and lit up the screen of the Kindle once more. Browsing through her folders, she opened the file for "The Book Thief". It was one of the books she wanted to read for ages but she never had the chance to actually stop and give it a go. It seemed to her that it was the perfect time to start but, after not longer than an hour and a half, she started feeling her eyelids weighing more than the usual. Putting the Kindle aside, the brunette stood up and went to the bedroom area. She put a large tee shirt on and got under the covers of her bed. Not long after, she felt her tiredness taking over and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

 

"Oh my god, Clarke! It's just dinner! Would you calm the fuck down? It's not like it's your first date or anything!" Octavia tried to calm her friend down as the girls walked aimlessly through a large clothes shop.

"I am calm! I just need to find an outfit!" Clarke responded with an unsettled tone.

The blonde and her best friend had spent already most of the morning inside the shop, trying to find a new outfit for Clarke to wear at dinner. Clarke felt like there was a knot on her throat, like it was, indeed, her first date. She had gone out with Lexa before, the girl had even shared a bed with her but this time was different. It was their first date as an official couple and the butterflies inside Clarke's stomach were not letting the girl think straight.

"Here, what about this dress?" Octavia pointed at a red dress that was beautifully fitted on a mannequin.

"I don't know, O. Seems a bit overkill. I don't know what to expect, if she wants to be casual or fancy or what."

"Well, I guess you could go more for casual because the dinner is at her house. If you're not going out to anywhere posh, you could bring the game down slightly."

"Exactly. How about those dark jeans and this shirt?" Clarke placed the pieces of clothing over herself, showing it to Octavia.

"That actually looks very nice, Princess. You can wear your Cons and you'll be super comfortable and shit. I'd go for it!"

"I can't believe I'm spending money on clothes. What is going on with me?" Clarke said as she put the clothes in the shopping basket and started making her way to the til.

"Things we do for love, isn't it?" Octavia said in a casual tone.

The girl's words hit Clarke like a rock. She froze where she stood and stared at Octavia with a desperate gaze. She watched as her friend took a few steps back and touched her on the shoulder.

"Clarke? What happened?" Octavia asked, worried.

"I'm in love with her." Clarke said, without blinking.

"Well, duh-doy." Octavia mocked her friend.

"No, O. I'm serious. I'm in love with her. Oh my god, how did I let this happen? What do I do? What if she breaks my heart? I don't know if I can take it, I don't know if I can do this, O!"

"Whoooooa, slow down, Princess!" Octavia tried to calm the blonde down. "Firstly, took you long enough to realise that you're in love with her. Secondly, yes you can take it. You're not made of glass. And last but not least, you don't do anything. You just live this, enjoy it and let it happen! You'll be fine, Clarke!"

Clarke felt her heart beating so fast she could almost see her chest moving. It was so scary to be feeling all those things again. She was in love, that was for sure. She didn't know, however, how she could be so careless. She lowered all her defences in so little time and now the damage was done. She was exposed, she felt like she could be hit from any direction. She felt like the blow would come anytime soon, after all, she didn't know any different. But Octavia was right. She had to let herself go from the fear of having feelings, of living her life fully.

The very idea made her feel excited and slightly sick. What if things go wrong? Would she be able to handle another heartbreak? She was not sure if she was fully healed after everything that happened with Finn but one thing she knew for sure; she was lonely and tired of living in fear. Lexa brought back to her life the possibility of love and she let this possibility in without taking notice of it.

Clarke felt a smile growing on her lips and she kept staring at her best friend. She took the girl's words in, one by one, trying to calm herself down and realising that at this point, there was nothing much she could do. Actually, there was. But the truth was that she wanted to embrace the feeling. She liked to feel like this and she would try her best not to let her insecurities win.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I just had a little freak out." Clarke said, taking a deep breath.

"Jeez, woman. You have to calm down. You're gonna give me a heart attack anytime soon." Octavia said.

"Speaking of hearts, how is it going with Lincoln? You know that he is practically Lexa's brother, right? So if you guys get serious we will be sort of family, you and I." The blonde said, laughing.

"Well, I thought we already were family, dickhead." Octavia replied, grumpy.

"You know what I mean! Don't be grumpy!"

"I know, I know. Well, things are going quite alright actually. You know that he picked me up from yours after we walked back from The Ark, right?" Octavia watched as the blonde nodded in confirmation. "So, he took me home and I kinda introduced him to Bell."

"Oh my god, How is Bellamy? Is he still alive? Did his protective heart stop when he saw a big muscular man by the side of his little innocent, in-need-of-protection sister?"

"He is going to be ok. He was very civil, which is good, I think." Octavia paused. "I really like him, Clarke. I can't explain why. I just feel like it's right."

"I'm happy for you, O. You deserve this." Clarke said, hugging her friend. "Who would guess that we would find love interests within the same family, huh?"

"Well, not exactly same family. But still, I might or might not have collected some intel for you." Octavia said, smirking.

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked, frowning.

"I casually asked one or two things about Lexa." The brunette said as they reached their turn on the til.

"Oh god. I don't know if I want to know." Clarke said, putting her shopping on the til and grabbing her wallet as the cashier scanned the items. "Ok, I want to know."

"It's nothing scary or worrying. Quite the opposite really. Lincoln just said that he is very happy for Lexa. They grew up together and he said that for quite a while now Lexa's been quiet and closed up and, since you got in the picture, she is smiling and more talkative and glowing like before."

"Before? Before what?" Clarke asked.

"I asked the same question, but he said it's not his story to tell."

"That doesn't really help me. Why was she closed off? I mean, I did notice the first couple of times that we met that she was quite, I don't know, quite closed, as he said. But there is one thing that boggles my mind." Clarke said as she gave the money to the cashier.

"And what is that?" Octavia asked.

"Her eyes. Her eyes are so goddamn sad. I mean, they did get better since we started to go out together but the sadness is still there. As if it is part of her. As if the sadness is just part of her soul."

"You know what, Princess? This shit is deep. And I didn't have enough coffee." Octavia said, joking. "But I guess she will talk about it eventually? Or maybe she won't. But I wouldn't worry too much about it. As Linc said, she is glowing now and that's thanks to you so… do the math."

"Yeah… I didn't have the intention of asking anything anyway. I know there's something there but it's her decision to share it with me or not."

"Exactly. So focus on the positive side of things, yeah? Now lets go get some coffee and go to yours because I want to take part in the full production!"

Clarke laughed and grabbed her friend's arm as they walked out the shop.

* * *

 

"Clake, can you please put down this goddamn phone?" Octavia asked.

Clarke looked at the bright screen of her phone while the brunette sat on the edge of the bed.

"Wait. Let me just reply quickly."The blonde said without looking up.

"For fucks sake, woman. You'll be at her house in what? A few hours? Can I have some love too?" Octavia said getting up and walking towards the girl.

"Just a secoooooond!" Clarke insisted, turning away from Octavia's curious eyes.

The blonde sat on the other edge of her bed, noticing her friend going to the kitchen and starting to prepare hot drinks. She turned her attention back to the screen of the device that flashed with new messages. She had woken up quite late and went out straight away with Octavia to shop for clothes, leaving no time to check or reply anything. It was a good surprise to see how many messages had been received since early in the morning. With a broad smile, Clarke started reading the texts.

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Hi. I hope you're having a good day. I'm starting the photoshoot now._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I'm assuming you're still asleep. I'm jealous._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Clarke, wake up. It's 1pm._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I'm having a break and eating some food. I can't believe you're still asleep. Or are you?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Time to get back to work._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Clarke._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Am I annoying you?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Is this annoying?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I'm done with the photoshoot. I'm going to get some last minute things for our dinner then go home._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _The shop is so crowded, oh my god._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Are you alive?_

Clarke laughed at the messages. She felt her heart warming up with how cute Lexa was. Still smiling, she started to type.

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _I am very much alive. Seems like you had quite the day._

It didn't take a second for the reply to come.

 _**AlexaG** _ _: She lives! Did you sleep the whole day?_

 _J_ _**ustAnotherGriffin:** _ _No. I went clothes shopping with Octavia and didn't have time to check my phone. I'm sorry._

 _**AlexaG:** _ _It's fine. I wasn't thinking about hiring a private detective or anything._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _That's….extreme?_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _Yes, and also a joke._

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _Oh… Of course. :l_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _I need to drive home now. See you in a few hours?_

 _**JustAnotherGriffin:** _ _See you. I'm excited!_

 _**AlexaG:** _ _You better be._

Clerke put her phone down as Octavia approached with two cups of coffee. The blonde reached out to grab one one of the cups as Octavia sat on the bed by her side.

"Alright. I need to shower. Can you help me choose a belt to go with these new jeans?" Clarke asked her friend.

"I'm on the ball, Princess. Go get yourself clean. Also, cut your nails." Octavia said with a smirk.

"Oh god Octavia, why are we friends?" Clarke asked, laughing.

"Because I only work with the truth." Octavia said.

"Honestly…" Clarke shook her head still smiling and made her way to the bathroom.

After no longer than half an hour, the bathroom door opened again and Clarke walked out, wrapped on a towel. A second towel was neatly wrapped on her head, helping to dry her golden hair.

"Did you check for a belt?" She asked as Octavia stood up.

"Yes, Princess. This one will be good. Assuming that you will ear black Cons." The brunette said, showing a black belt with silvery studs.

Clarke nodded and started to get dressed. After putting the jeans and shirt on, she walked towards the mirror.

"I look like an idiot who made no effort." She said, frowning.

"Clarke, you look great. Really great. Also, what's the point in making a massive effort on clothes when you'll be taking them off anyway?" Octavia said giggling.

"Octavia! For fucks sake! You have no chill!" Clarke said, hitting her friend jokingly with the towel she had just taken off her head.

"Alright, alright, you will keep your clothes on tonight and all other nights that are yet to come." Octavia said, solemnly.

"Okay let's not go crazy." Clarke replied, smiling.

"A-ha! You're looking forward to sexy times! I know you so well, Princess."

"I'm not looking forward to anything, you psycho. Now get out of my way, I need to dry my hair." Clarke bumped into her friend, moving her out of the way as she started waving the hair dryer atop her head.

After drying her hair, Clarke went back in the bathroom and grabbed a little bag with her make up. She stood in front of the mirror once more and applied some foundation, eyeliner and lip gloss. The blonde then scuffled her hair and smiled at her reflection as the put her arms down.

"Well, I think this is as good as it's gonna get." She said, opening her arms to Octavia.

"You look amazing, Princess, really." Octavia said getting her bag and putting on her shoulder "Now let's go. I have to go to work and you will be late if you don't set off now."

Clarke grabbed her own bag and put her black Cons on, following Octavia out the door. She hugged her friend by the entrance of her building as they went their separate ways. With a deep breath, she started walking the short distance between her house and Lexa's loft, trying to control the thousands of butterflies that flew inside her stomach.

* * *

 

Lexa walked towards the living room in the loft with her heart beating fast. Standing in front of the door, she grabbed the knob and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Opening the door, the brunette could not control the smile that grew on her lips when she saw blue eyes and golden curls.

"Hey!" She said, making way to the girl to come inside.

"Hey." Clarke responded, walking in.

Lexa closed the door and turned to face the blonde who were still smiling. Without thinking twice, she took a couple more steps and gently pressed her lips against Clarke's, who wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist. Lexa pulled away and rested her forehead against the blonde's, still with her eyes closed.

"Hi." She said, in a whisper.

"Hi."

The brunette took a deep breath and pushed her body away from Clarke's in a slow movement. She looked at the blonde's eyes and felt her heart inflate. She never thought she would be able to drown so easily in those blue eyes. She could never imagine that after accidentally throwing the girl's belongings into a lake, so much would happen and that her life would change so much. She never expected to be over so much pain. And even though she still kept some caution, she knew that she was free of pain, ready to start again.

"There is something I need you to know." She said, still holding Clarke's gaze.

"What is it?" The blonde asked.

"Not yet. Let's have dinner first. I was thinking we could watch a movie after? But we can go out if you want." The brunette asked, taking Clarke's hand and pulling her into the apartment.

"I'm fine with staying in if you are. What movies have you got?" The blonde said, approaching the case filled with blu-ray disks.

As she looked through the many titles, Clarke noticed an object inside a little cabinet in one of the shelves. Looking at it properly, she noticed that it was a very old camera that was being kept almost in a sacred way.

"What is this camera?" She asked, turning to look at Lexa.

"It belonged to my grandfather. It was his favourite camera. It's a black and white Leica."

"You don't use it much?" The blonde asked.

"I wish I could. It doesn't work anymore. I took it to pretty much all camera experts and manufacturers and no one could figure out what is wrong with it, unfortunately. So I just keep it here as a good memory." Lexa said with fondness in her eyes.

Clarke smiled and nodded before turning back to look at the object. After a few seconds, an idea stroke her like a lightning bolt and she turned her face once more to see what Lexa was doing. As she saw the brunette in the kitchen finishing the dinner, she quickly opened her bag and took the old camera from its cabinet. She then looked again and saw Lexa picking some plates from a cupboard. Clarke took a piece of paper from inside her bag and a pen and wrote a small note that said Don't worry, I'll give back your grandad's camera soon. and place the note where the camera was placed the camera carefully inside her back and closed it, hoping that Lexa would not notice that the object was gone until after she left.

"Should we eat?" Lexa asked, making Clarke almost jump in surprise.

"Yes, I'm starving!"

Clarke put her bag on the floor near the sofa and joined Lexa in the kitchen, watching the brunette dish up. She took a plate and walked towards the table, choosing a seat as the brunette took the chair by her side. Lexa poured some wine on both glasses that were on the table and took her fork to start eating.

"I hope you like risotto." Lexa said.

"I do. Thank you for cooking."

"You're welcome."

After a few minutes, they put their forks down and Clarke sat back, sipping on her wine.

"That was glorious." She said. "I don't think i have ever eaten proper risotto before. I could live off this, honestly."

"Well I appreciate that you enjoyed it, Clarke." Lexa said as she got up and started to take the plates.

"Let me help you." Clarke said as she took the risotto dish and followed Lexa into the kitchen.

After they cleaned up, they stood in front of the case full of movies and stared at it aimlessly.

"What to watch?" Lexa asked.

"Decisions, decisions...Oh my god you have Grand Budapest Hotel!" Clarke said, excited.

"I do. Wanna watch that?"

"Yes! Can we? I never watched it."

"It's a beautiful movie. You'll love it." Lexa said as the took the box from the shelf.

Lexa sat on the sofa after putting the disk in the blu ray player. She crossed her legs and leaned against the sofa arm as Clarke sat by her side, forcing her torso against Lexa's front.

"Move." Clarke said.

Lexa widened her eyes as she watched the blonde getting comfy against her body. The brunette did not expect Clarke to cuddle against her but she felt happy about it.

"Wait, get up. Let's do this properly." Lexa said, gently pushing Clarke.

Clarke got up frowning and watched Lexa dimming down the light. The brunette sat back on the sofa putting one leg up and leaving space for Clarke to fit herself in the space left. The blonde approached the sofa and sat down, leaning her back against Lexa's chest as the brunette placed her arms around the girl's waist.

"You'll have to operate the remote." Lexa said.

"Really? I'm honoured! First time we actually watch a movie together and I'm already in control?" Clarke said with excitement.

"Don't get used to it. It's a one time thing." Lexa said laughing as the blonde pressed play.

* * *

 

"Oh my god. The colours. Everything. I'm in love with this movie!" Clarke said as the credits rolled up the screen.

"Told you. It's an amazing movie indeed." Lexa replied.

Clarke rolled onto her other side and faced Lexa. during the movie, they shuffled on the sofa ending up spooning. Lexa rested her head on the sofa arm as she wrapped her arms around Clarke's stomach. The blonde place her hand over Lexa's interlacing their fingers. The blonde felt strangely relaxed in that position. Now, facing the brunette, she started to feel different emotions growing inside her chest. She lowered her gaze to the girl's mouth, noticing the sly smile that only just arched Lexa's lips.

The brunette moved her hand and softly caressed Clarke's hair, letting the smile grow on her lips. She stopped her hand when it reached the blonde's neck and gently pulled her closer, meeting the girl's lips with her own. Lexa moved her hand to Clarke's arm, feeling her skin goosebumping at the touch. The brunette felt Clarke sighing as she gently scraped her nails down her arm.

Clarke felt her heart beating fast and the air escaping her lungs erratically. The very touch of Lexa's hand on her arm caused her whole body to goosebump as if there was a strange force, an electrical wave that surrounded the brunette and hit Clarke making her react in ways she didn't expect to. Deepening the kiss, Clarke lightly pressed her tongue on Lexa's bottom lip in a silent request to be let in. Obliging, Lexa felt Clarke's tongue on hers, in a slow and sensual dance, as if their tongues were made to be against each other. Clarke captured the brunette's tongue and gently sucked on it, making the girl moan softly.

Parting only slightly for air, Clarke held a smirk on her lips.

"Now who makes whom breathless?" She asked.

Lexa smiled and shut Clarke up with another kiss. She quickly pushed the blonde to the side and turned her body over, straddling her on the sofa. Clarke gasped in surprise as the brunette lowered her body and started trailing kisses on the girls neck and jawline up the corner of her mouth, colliding their lips back together. Lexa's hand gripped strongly on Clarke's waist, untucking her shirt from under the jeans and finding its way up the blonde's ribs under the cotton fabric. Lexa felt Clarke's body slightly jolt at her touch, making her pull back but only just.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Lexa said, smug.

Clarke met the brunette's gaze and felt her cheeks going warm.

"You make me feel things. When you touch me." Clarke said quietly.

Lexa lowered her body once more, kissing the blonde on her neck, right under her ear. She placed her lips atop Clarke's ear and whispered softly.

"Where do you want to feel things?" She asked and pulled back once more to meet the blonde's gaze.

Clarke took a deep breath and reached for Lexa's neck, pulling her into another kiss. This time, the kiss was even more intense, thirsty. She captured the burnette's lower lip with her own, biting it softly. Parting their lips once more, Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek and forehead, getting closer to her ear.

"Everywhere."

* * *

 

Clothes covered the floor around the bed as the soft noise of quiet moans filled the whole apartment. Clarke gripped firmly the sheets beneath her as she felt Lexa's warm breath near her centre. The brunette took her sweet time before she reached the point where Clarke needed her most.

As they reached the bed, hands, lips and tongues explored every single inch of skin. Nails scraping and teeth biting, marking and caressing flesh as sharp inhales and goosebumps took over. Lexa didn't find a reason to rush; she wanted to savour every bit of Clarke, as if the blonde was the most exquisite delicacy she ever tasted.

The blonde inhaled through her teeth when she finally felt Lexa getting inside of her slowly, as if she was taking in every millimetre. They moved in sync as Lexa's lips took Clarke over the edge within a few minutes.

Lexa climbed over Clarke's body and kissed her deeply, allowing the blonde to taste herself in her mouth. She then rested her head over the girl's breasts, feeling the rise and fall of her chest as she tried to control her breathing.

Clarke lifted her body and turned over, straddling Lexa. The brunette held a shy smile on her lips and Clarke spent a few moments just looking at her. The olive toned skin, the deep green eyes, and the tribal tattoo on her arm. As her eyes hovered down, Clarke widened her eyes in surprise.

"How did I not notice this tattoo before?" She asked as her fingers trailed over Lexa's hip.

"I guess you were a bit busy?" Lexa laughed.

Clarke continued to caress the brunette's skin. On the left side of her hips, a film roll unraveled itself onto the girl's thigh. The tattoo was detailed and extremely well made. The blonde trailed her fingers over the whole extension of the ink, making the hairs of the girl's thigh raise in goosebump. Clarke carried on trailing her fingers over Lexa's thigh, even though the tattoo was now no longer in reach.

Lexa inhaled sharply as she felt Clarke's fingers close to her curls. Closing her eyes, she released a loud moan as Clarke captured her lips. She kissed her deeply as she started to move her fingers inside the brunette. Lexa moved her hips in synchrony, as if they were performing a well rehearsed dance, enhancing everything she was feeling. Clarke sped up her movement as she felt the brunette approach her release point, capturing one of the girl's breasts with her lips. The gentlest bite on the nipple threw Lexa over the edge, making the girl arch her body upwards, riding every inch of her orgasm.

As she came down from her high, Lexa laid by Clarke's side, interlacing their fingers as they both breathed heavily in exhaustion. After a few moments that felt like an eternity, Lexa pulled herself up, grabbing a big tee shirt. She put the fabric over her head and faced Clarke. The blonde watched her closely, noticing that the sadness in her eyes was even smaller. However, she noticed that something was not quite right. Lexa had a serious expression on her face.

"Hey, what's up?" Clarke asked.

"I need you to know something. There is something I must tell you." Lexa said with an apprehensive tone. "Let me just get washed quickly." She said as she vanished inside the bathroom.

Clarke reached for her pants and shirt as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She put her shirt on and stood to pull her pants up. As she sat down again, she notice Lexa's bedside table drawer opened and a framed photograph of a girl was inside. She pressed her eyes and looked at the bathroom door that was still shut.

Without thinking twice, she opened the drawer wider and pulled the framed photograph out. On top of it, a folded piece of paper showed only one word.

 _Clarke_.

The blonde felt her heart skip a beat as she opened the piece of paper and read its contents. In a second, she felt everything starting to spin around her. She felt like the floor was gone and she was falling into a never-ending hole. Everything was black and red.

 _She loves her? She loves this person?_ She thought as she looked again at the photograph.

Clarke could not process her thoughts. she had just shared unique moments with Lexa, moments of true intimacy and trust. How could she have done that? How could she have expressed so much care and affection if she loves someone else? And why did it take her so long to tell her the truth?

The blonde started to feel disgusted. Disgusted at herself for having allowed Lexa to get so close to her. Disgusted for have lowered her walls when she knew she would end up getting hurt. The disgust was followed by a sharp pain that ran through her whole body. Almost the same pain she felt when Finn left. Only this time it was worse. Because she saw it coming and she didn't stop it. She let it happen. It was her own fault.

Clarke looked at the photo again. The girl was beautiful. She was smiling, she didn't look like she was broken like Clarke was.

"Her name is Costia." Lexa said, standing under the bathroom door frame.

Clarke raised her gaze to meet Lexa's. The brunette held a kind smile on her face that was instantly erased as she noticed the dark tone of Clarke's eyes.

"I don't give a fuck what her name is." Clarke said, putting the photo down, feeling her blood boiling.

"Clarke, what is going on?" Lexa asked, confused.

"What is going on? I ask you the same, Lexa. I just read your note. You love her and you were about to tell me. That's what you wanted to talk about wasn't it?." She asked, walking towards the brunette. "I just wonder if you planned to fuck me first the whole time or if it just occurred you."

"Clarke, you got everything wrong. Please, let me explain." Lexa walked towards the blonde and reached for her arm.

Clarke pulled away from Lexa's grip as her eyes started to flood with tears.

"Don't fucking touch me! I understand everything. I trusted you and you hurt me. Exactly how I knew it would happen." The blonde yelled.

"No, Clarke. Please, listen to me. It's not like that."

Lexa felt tears rolling down her cheeks. How can she get everything so wrong? She thought. She felt like her chest was heavier than ever before and she couldn't really work out words to try and make Clarke listen to her. She saw so much anger in Clarke's eyes, so much pain that is was blurring her mind. At the same time that she knew Clarke had simply misunderstood the photo and the note she saw, she felt guilty for inflicting so much pain upon the blonde.

"I asked you, I begged you not to hurt me, Lexa. You said you wouldn't." Clarke said, falling on her knees, her voice clogged by the painful sobs that exited her throat. "You made me believe…"

"Clarke, please, let me explain, let me speak!" Lexa said in a desperate plea, lowering herself to the floor and reaching out once more to touch the blonde.

Clarke jolted up and grabbed her trousers from the floor, putting them on as quickly as she could. She grabbed her bag and walked towards the apartment door with her shoes in her hands.

"No. There is nothing to explain. I get it. Now do me a favour and stay the fuck away from me. I hope you and Costia are really fucking happy together." Clarke said with rage and sadness exiting the flat and slamming the door behind her as Lexa stretched her arm in a sad supplication, as if she was begging the blonde not to go.

Clarke closed her eyes as she entered the elevator and felt her heart breaking even further as she heard an agonizing scream and the sound of glass breaking coming from Lexa's loft. As the elevator doors closed, she stopped holding herself back and collapsed on the floor, sobbing and pressing her hand against her chest, trying to control a pain that she knew exactly how it felt.


	16. Artists Love Better

**Chapter 16 - Artists Love Better**

 

Clarke paced around her flat trying to control the tears that insisted on falling. Taking slow and deep breaths, she attempted to organise the millions of thoughts that ran through her head. She could still feel her blood boiling, which was causing more tears to run freely down her cheeks. How could she be so stupid, so naive? She asked herself these questions over and over but no rational answer seemed to pop in her mind. At the same time, she asked herself if she had done the right thing. She had the image of a perplexed Lexa staring at her while she threw a tantrum at the girl's loft. Of a confused Lexa, trying to make her listen and understand something that, in Clarke's head, had no importance at all.

Everything was plain and simple. She was hurt. Again. Lexa loved someone else. And the very idea of it hurt like a thousand knives were cutting through her skin. Still, she didn't feel quite right, she felt a lack of closure, as if something was yet to happen.

The knocks on her door brought her back from the storm of thoughts and emotions. She let her best friend in, who instantly hugged the blonde.

"What happened?" Octavia looked at her friend with worried eyes.

"I was right, O. From the beginning." Clarke said, sitting down on the sofa.

"What do you mean?"

"Lexa. She loves someone else." Clarke's eyes filled with tears again.

"Wait. What? That's not possible." Octavia said, perplexed.

"I saw a photo of a girl named Costia in her bedside table drawer. There was a letter with it, addressed to me, saying exactly those words: I love her. I need you to know. I'm sorry." Clarke released a small sob as she remembered the words on the note. "And I found it right after we…" She sighed in sadness and brought her hand to her face. "And she tried to say I got it all wrong when the evidence was right in front of me."

"What did she say?" Octavia asked, taking the girl's hand.

"I didn't let her say anything. She kept trying to hold me and saying it wasn't what I was thinking and I got it wrong but, how can I have gotten wrong? Why else would she have a photo of a girl in her bedside table? I just said that I wish her happiness with Costia and left."

"Wait, you didn't let her explain? You didn't hear what she had to say?" Octavia questioned her friend.

Clarke felt her blood boiling once more. She felt rage growing as Octavia started questioning her. As if she was taking Lexa's side, which in Clarke's mind, made no sense. She asked herself why was her friend doing that and frowned her eyebrows at the girl.

"No, Octavia. I didn't let her explain. There was nothing to be explained." She said, her voice slightly more aggressive.

"Clarke, princess, listen to me. I know you're feeling hurt and confused, but it sounds really weird, after everything you told me, that Lexa would do something like this." Octavia said, with caution.

"What the fuck do you think you know?" Clarke said, raising her voice and standing up. "Anyone is capable of doing anything. Finn didn't look like he would do what he did but he did it anyway. So did Lexa. You don't know her, you shouldn't be taking her side!"

"Clarke, I'm not taking anyone's side, please, listen to me. I'm trying to avoid a bigger damage. Just give her a call, let her explain you what she wanted to explain, maybe it's nothing, maybe it's just a big misunderstanding and you don't have to go through all that pain again." Octavia pleaded with her friend.

"Oh my god. I can't believe you." Clarke had rage in her eyes and took a step away from her friend. "You just want to be in her good books don't you? Since you're dating her brother."

"How fucking dare you, Clarke?"

"No, how dare you, Octavia? You are my friend, you're supposed to back me up."

"I do back you up, Clarke, but right now you're being an idiot. I won't back that up."

"I don't fucking need this. I need your support and you're taking Lexa's side just so you can screw her brother."

Clarke could almost hear the sound of Octavia's heart being broken by her words. Instead of making her feel better, it only made her own pain worse. She stared at her friend, whose eyes were now pooling with tears and regret hit her like a rock. She felt that, somehow, Octavia was right about Lexa but now it was too late. Her defence mechanism had kicked in and she couldn't turn back. She couldn't let herself be hurt even more.

The blonde took a step towards her friend who instantly took a step back, turning around and taking her bag.

"I'm your friend, Clarke. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I hope you realise how much of a dick you're being right now and how much you're hurting me when I'm only trying to help you."

She watched as the girl walked out the door, closing it behind her. Clarke felt the world spinning around her, as if the floor had disappeared and there was nothing left but pain and confusion. She felt her knees weakening and collapsed on the floor, the sound of her sobs as a constant reminder of the mistake she had just made.

* * *

 

"Lexa, open this goddamn door or I swear to god I will bring it down."

Anya knocked on the loft door with her fists closed; more than 20 minutes had passed since she arrived at Lexa's flat and the girl had not yet let her in.

"Lexa, I'm serious. I can hear you sobbing. Open the door."

The woman heard the sound of another sob, followed by a short moment of silence and a click coming from the door. She waited a couple of seconds before touching the knob and twisting it, taking a few steps inside the now dark and messy loft. Looking down, she saw the frame that once held Costia's picture on the floor, the glass broken and the wooden part chipped. Looking up, she saw a small mark on the wall, indicating that the object had been thrown and Lexa did not bother to pick up the pieces. She noticed, however, that the photo was placed on top of the side table.

She walked a few more steps towards the sofa and sat down on the small space available. She raised her hand and touched the side of Lexa's body, feeling the girl shrugging at the touch. Anya felt like a big knot was forming in her throat; it break her heart to see the brunette like that, especially when she didn't know what was going on. She caressed the girl's side, trying to gather words. Lexa was facing the sofa's back, her legs curled up and her arms tightly holding a pillow. Her face could not be seen but Anya could see the fast movement of the girl's chest and the guttural noises leaving the girl's mouth.

"Lexa, what happened?" She asked with a calm, kind voice.

When the girl didn't respond, she tried again.

"Kiddo. Talk to me. You didn't show up at work, you're not picking up your phone, you didn't open the door for me. I can only leave you alone for so long, Lex. It's been three days now, I need to know what's going on. I'm worried."

Lexa sighed deeply and started to slowly turn her body around. She faced the older woman and could see the worry in her eyes.

"She doesn't want me to be happy, Anya. She wants to punish me for what I did." Lexa said in a quiet tone.

"What are you talking about?"

"Costia."

"Lexa, you have to stop with this. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes Anya, it was. And I should have known that people who does what I did are not worthy of love. And that's why Clarke left. That's why she didn't let me explain. That's why she said the things she said to me." Lexa raised her voice slightly, tears still running through her face.

"Wait, what? What did Clarke say? What are you talking about?"

"I wanted to tell her, Anya. I wanted to tell her that I love her."

"What's wrong with that?"

"She found a note I wrote to Costia. Telling her that I was in love with Clarke and that I knew she would be happy for me. But Clarke got it all wrong. She thought I loved someone else. She thought I hurt her."

"Oh my god." Anya brought her hand to her forehead.

"She wouldn't let me explain. She wouldn't let me speak. She looked so angry, so hurt."

"Lexa, what did she say to you?"

"She asked me if I was planning on… sleeping with her before telling her I loved someone else because she found it right after we…"

"Oh my fucking god…"

"She said she wishes that I'll be very happy with Costia. And she left."

"She didn't let you speak? She didn't let you explain?"

"No. She thinks I betrayed her the same way he did. She had so much anger in her eyes Anya, she meant to hurt me with her words."

"He did?" Anya asked, confused.

"Clarke was betrayed before. Badly. She was scared of this. Of us. Because she doesn't know any better. And I hurt her."

"No. Lexa, I won't let you hold yourself responsible for this too. That girl shouldn't have said these things. She should have let you speak."

"Should she? Maybe this is exactly what I deserve, Anya."

Anya reached for Lexa's upper arms and pulled her up, looking in her swollen eyes.

"Listen to me Alexandria, and listen well. You did nothing wrong. NOTHING. What happened to Costia was not your fault. And Clarke's stupid reaction to an even more stupid misunderstanding is not your fault either."

"It hurts so much."

"If it hurts you, kid, let it go. She hurt you, she didn't let you speak. She doesn't deserve you so, let her go."

"She did what she did because she was hurt too." Lexa said with a sob.

"It doesn't give her the right to be paranoid and hurt you that bad in the process. Let her go."

"I can't."

"Why?" Anya asked, looking at the despair in Lexa's eyes.

"Because I love her."

* * *

 

It was almost 8pm when Clarke looked at the time on her phone. She was exhausted. In the past 5 days she had taken all the shifts she could, working pretty much every day, the whole day long. Luckily for her, one of the staff members in The Ark was sick, allowing her to take all the extra shifts.

Wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, she placed a few drinks on a tray and started taking them to the tables. She had only half an hour left before she could go home but she didn't really feel like going home lately. She had still not heard from Octavia or messaged her friend at all. Somehow, she knew she was not being fair with her friend and she truly missed her, but her pride and pain were stopping her from contacting the girl. So she did the one thing she knew she was good at. Raising back her walls and hiding from the wounds that hurt her so bad. The weird feeling about what happened between her and Lexa still lingered in her mind. Maybe she should have let the brunette speak, maybe Lexa would be able to give a reasonable explanation but still, she couldn't.

The pain of the past hit her so hard she couldn't think properly. She was so convinced that Lexa was just another person that would hurt her like Finn did, she decided that the best thing to do was to forget about it and carry on with her life. And, of course, never trust anyone ever again.

She was cleaning the counters and the coffee machines when she heard the bell announcing that someone was entering the cafe. She cursed in silence before turning around with a forced smile on her face.

"Welcome to The Ark. What can I get… What the fuck are you doing here?"

Clarke's eyes widened at the tall blonde standing in front of her on the other side of the counter. The woman's high cheek bones and small eyes showed a serious expression that Clarke could not read properly.

"Is this how you greet your customers? I'll have a large cappuccino, please." Anya kept the serious expression.

"We are closing." Clarke said, raising an eyebrow.

"No, you're not."

"Can you just get your coffee somewhere else?"

"Do you really think I'm here just for coffee, kid?" Anya placed both her hands on the counter, leaning over.

"Well, you can tell Lexa to leave me alone and enjoy being in love with someone else." Clarke said with doubt in her eyes. Again, she wasn't sure if she should say that, but she couldn't help it. Her defence mechanism kicked in and she couldn't do anything about it.

Anya sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a second, as if she was making the biggest effort not to lose her temper.

"Believe me, I enjoy being here as much as you seem to do. Lexa doesn't know I'm here and, personally, I don't think I should be here. But my sister is hurt, crying, miserable and I can't have that."

"This is not my problem." Clarke said, dryly.

"Are you an idiot?" Anya asked, failing to keep calm. "Here is the deal, Clarke. You are going to listen to what I have to tell you. And after that, you can make whatever decision you think is fair and I will not interfere." She locked gazes with the blonde.

Clarke kept Anya's gaze for a while and took a deep breath. It was not like she had anything important to do at home so she decided to listen to what the woman had to say. Deep down, she felt like this is what she should have done from the beginning.

"Alright. But I need to finish my shift first. Grab a seat and I'll join you when I'm done." Clarke said turning her back to Anya and starting to prepare the cappuccino.

Clarke felt like this was the longest half hour of her life. She served a couple more customers before Monroe arrived to relieve her. She said hello to her colleague who quickly took over the counter and took her bag from the back room. With a heavy sigh, she walked the few steps between the counter and the table where Anya decided to sit. Taking the chair across the table, Clarke faced the woman and stared at her in silence for a few moments, watching as Anya sipped on her coffee.

"You wanted to talk. Talk."

"I honestly don't understand what Lexa saw in you." The woman said without looking up.

"If you're here to insult me, I…" Clarke never had the chance to finish her sentence as Anya interrupted her at once.

"I don't really have time for this shit, Clarke. So stop being such a piss baby and listen carefully to what I will tell you."

Clarke frowned and leaned back, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Go on."

Anya took a deep breath and stared at the blonde girl.

"You are making a huge mistake. You have no idea how badly you hurt Lexa."

"How bad I hurt Lexa? How about how bad Lexa hurt me? How much that stupid note hurt me?" Clarke said in a quiet but severe tone.

"The note was not for you." Anya said slowly.

"Of course it was for me. It had my name on it. She told me when I arrived that she needed me to know something and that is exactly what was written. That she loved Costia." Clarke felt tears trying to escape her eyes but she held them back.

"Yes she does love Costia, or did but…"

"So how the fuck do you think I would take this? She is hurt? Well she should have thought of that before she decided to fuck with my life." Clarke said, interrupting Anya.

"Costia is dead." Anya said calmly and quietly.

"I don't give a fuck if… what?" Clarke stopped herself as if she had not heard properly, as if she had missed an important information.

"Costia is dead." The woman repeated.

Clarke felt her jaw dropping and felt her eyes blinking repeatedly as if she was checking if this was reality.

"What? How? I don't understand."

"It was an accident, a few years ago." Anya released a sigh. "As you probably already figure out, Costia was Lexa's girlfriend. And Lexa loved her very much. She was always happy and smiling and she was talkative. After Costia's death, she shut herself down completely and after she met you, she was herself again. That is the main reason why I am here telling you all this."

Anya paused briefly but Clarke didn't dare to utter a word.

"One night, we went to a party in one of our client's house. It was in the countryside. By the end of the party they were both completely drunk and decided to go for a walk in the property. It was summer and even though it was night time it was still warm. Lexa told me that they came across a lake and decided to swim. Bus as I said, they were both very drunk. Lexa didn't detail much but she said that Costia didn't really want to and she insisted until she gave in. I don't know if the water was too cold or what happened, but after a few minutes Costia started to drown. Lexa thought she was pretending and she started laughing. At some point, Costia stopped moving and Lexa still thought it was all a joke."

"Oh my god." Clarke buried her face in her hands and sighed deeply.

"By the time Lexa realised what was going on, Costia was probably already dead. Lexa managed to call me and I got there as fast as I could. I called an ambulance and they tried to resuscitate her for at least two hours but it was too late. Lexa was in shock, she didn't speak or cry or do anything really. I still can't erase from my mind the image of her face. She regained her senses after a few days and she was never the same. From that day on she started punishing herself."

"She thinks it was her fault." Clarke said in a whisper. At this point, the girl had given up on holding back the tears that now ran freely down her cheeks.

"Because she insisted on swimming when Costia didn't really want to. She believes that she killed Costia." Anya said. "The way she found to cope with it was to start a diary. She started writing to Costia pretty much every day. As if she was still there. The note you found was a page of that diary. The note was not for you, Clarke. It was for Costia. She was telling Costia that she was in love with you."

"I… I was so horrible to her. Oh my god." Clarke felt her freshly built walls collapsing. She realised the monumental mistake she made. She felt like she was the worst human being on the planet. "I told her that I wished she would be happy with Costia. I didn't let her speak."

"You hurt her, Clarke. You hurt her really badly. You didn't give her the benefit of the doubt. You simply assumed that she was using you and hurting you. And for all I know of your short relationship, she never gave you any reason to believe that she would do such things."

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Anya."

"It's not to me that you have to apologise, kid."

"How do I fix this?" She asked. Clarke wasn't sure if she was asking Anya or if she was asking herself.

"I don't know. How do you fix this?" Anya repeated the question, holding Clarke's gaze.

The blonde buried her face in her hands once more, trying to think about a way to fix the misunderstanding. She knew that it wouldn't be easy. She knew that she hurt Lexa badly with her words and not only that, she didn't let the girl speak, she didn't give her the benefit of the doubt. She assumed that Lexa just wanted to hurt her and did not allow her to voice out her version of the story. The way she hurt Lexa went further than just cruel words. But she had to fix it.

Clarke raised her head and faced Anya as an idea crossed her mind. She remembered of the old camera she took from Lexa's loft and a glimpse of hope struck her.

"I know what I have to do. Thank you Anya. And I'm sorry." The blonde stood up and started making her way to the door when she felt Anya's hand strongly gripping her arm. The motion made her stop and turn to look at the woman.

"I didn't do this for you. I did it for Lexa. I did it because when she was with you, she was herself again. She was smiling, she was happy. And I want her to be happy. So you better not make me regret the decision of coming here today."

Clarke held the woman's gaze for a moment and nodded her head, causing Anya to release the grip on her arm.

"I'm going to fix this." She said.

Anya nodded back at her and watched as the blonde turned around and walked out the cafe.

* * *

 

Clarke stood in front of the apartment door for a while. She took a deep breath before gathering enough courage to knock. It took only a minute for someone to come and open it.

"Hey Clarke. What's up?"

"Hi Bellamy. Is Octavia there?" She asked in a quiet voice.

"As if you don't know… Come in, she is in her room."

Bellamy stepped aside to make way for Clarke to enter the apartment. She nodded at the mand and walked towards her friend's bedroom. She hesitated for a second before touching the knob.

"What is going on Clarke? You seem a bit off." Bellamy said.

"I'm alright. I just need to talk to Octavia." The blonde replied as she twisted the metal object and walked into the girl's room.

"Hey." She said quietly, not making eye contact with the brunette.

"Hey." Octavia replied, also not looking at Clarke.

The blonde sat on the edge of the girl's bed and looked at her friend. Octavia was sat in front of her laptop, lazily scrolling through a website. Clarke could tell that the girl was not really paying attention to the screen in front of her but she knew that her friend was avoiding eye contact. She knew that Octavia was hurt and it was her fault. Cleaning her throat,she took a deep breath.

"I don't even know where to start." The blonde said, facing the floor.

"Don't think I can help you with that." Octavia said, eyes still on the computer screen.

"I'm sorry." Clarke said almost in a whisper.

Octavia sighed and turned around on her chair, facing Clarke for the first time since the girl entered her room. Noticing the girl's movement, Clarke raised her head and faced the girl.

"I was mean and cruel and you didn't deserve that. I know I'm a terrible friend and I will understand completely if you don't want to be friends anymore. I just wanted you to know that I'm truly sorry about what I said and I wish I could turn back time and take back everything I said. But I can't. All I can do is say that I'm sorry and that I love you, O."

Clarke felt tears running down her face as she kept Octavia's gaze. She couldn't read her friend's expression, which was making her feel even worse than she already was.

"Please, O. Say something." She pleaded.

Octavia took a deep breath and stood up. She walked a few steps towards the bed and sat by Clarke's side.

"Of course I still want to be your friend, Clarke. But you need to understand that whatever is going on inside your head is not healthy." The brunette said as she took Clarke's hand. "What you said hurt me, yes but what hurt the most was not hearing from you at all after what happened, you left me thinking that you didn't care."

"I do! I do care,O! I know I did everything wrong." Clarke said. "I think this time I really ruined everything."

"What are you talking about?" Octavia asked.

"Anya showed up at The Ark today."

"And?"

"I made a mistake, O. You were right, I should have let Lexa speak. I made a gigantic mistake, I was cruel to her, even more than I was to you. And I don't know if this time she will forgive me. She didn't even try to contact me like she did last time. I fucked it up, O. I fucked it up really bad." She said, having no control over the tears that were flowing freely.

"If Anya went after you, it means that maybe not everything is lost. What did she say?" Octavia asked as she handed a tissue to the blonde.

"The girl from the photo, Costia." She said, wiping her eyes. "She is dead. She was Lexa's girlfriend and she died in an accident and Lexa blames herself for her death."

"Holy shit. That's bad." Octavia said.

"It gets worse. The note I found was for her. Anya said Lexa kept this diary where she talked to Costia. She was telling Costia that she loved me. She loved me, O. And I got everything wrong. I ruined everything."

"Did you try to talk to Lexa?"

"No. Not yet. I need to do something first."

"What is it?"

"I feel bad about asking you for anything. After all I've done. I feel like I don't deserve your help." Clarke said, facing the floor once more.

Octavia sighed again and placed her finger under her friend's chin, lifting her head.

"Clarke, you're my best friend. Yes, it was pretty shitty what you did. But you're here, apologising, taking it back. And I accept your apologies. I love you and I want you to be happy. I want you to get over this shit in your head that stops you from trusting people. I want you to love and accept love back. And honestly? If you hadn't come over today I would end up chasing after you to sort this shit out."

"I don't deserve a friend like you."

"That is something else that you have to work on, Princess. You are worth it. You deserve all the love and good things that come your way. Just because an idiot wronged you badly, doesn't mean that you're not worth of being loved."

"Thank you, O. Really. Thank you." Clarke said as she hugged her friend.

"Now, tell me, what is your plan?" Octavia asked as she let go of her friend's embrace.

"I need a mechanic." Clarke said, pursing her lips.

"Ohhhhh… She won't be happy about this. How long has it been?" Octavia asked as she took her phone and started scrolling through her contacts.

"Too long. As I said, I'm a terrible friend."

* * *

 

It was past 11pm when Clarke finally arrived at the building she visited a few times in the past. Taking a deep breath, she rang the bell and waited. It didn't take long for a young woman with a dark complexion to open the door.

"Wow, Griffin. It is really you. I couldn't really believe when Octavia texted me." The girl said, motioning for Clarke to step inside.

"It's been a long time." Clarke said, awkwardly. "It's nice to see you, Raven."

Clarke entered the small apartment and looked around. It looked like nothing had changed in Raven's little flat. The table with tools was still on the back corner, blueprints and books were piled up near the chair. The bedroom door was closed as always and the kitchen was a mess.

"Time seems to not have passed here." Clarke said, taking a few more steps in.

"It didn't. Same shit, different day." Raven said, walking to the kitchen. "Should I make you a drink while you tell me what you're doing here?"

"Look, Raven, I know I haven't been the best of friends." Clarke said.

"No. You haven't been a friend at all, Griffin." Raven interrupted without looking at the blonde.

"I know." Clarke said, sighing. "All the bullshit with Finn really messed me up. I am still picking up the pieces."

"I always knew he was trouble. You should have listened to me."

"Yes, I should have. But apparently I'm not very good at judging people's characters. I let people who will hurt me in and I hurt people who are nice to me." Clarke said, approaching the girl. "I know I suck but I am trying to change. I'm trying to get over all that shit. And I'm trying to get back all the nice people that I pushed away. And yes, I am here because I need help, but also because I want to put my life back on track and just be a normal person."

"I don't think you will ever be able to be a normal person, Griffin." Raven said. "I know life is fucked up. Shit happens and we can't really control it. I just wanted to be your friend. You pushed me away and pretty much completely ignored me for a long, long time. And I still don't know what I did to you."

"You didn't do anything." Clarke said. "I think you just reminded me of him. You reminded me of how much of an idiot I was for not listening to you when you said he was trouble. I couldn't accept the fact that I was wrong. And then time passed and we fell apart. But I know I was wrong. And I am sorry for pushing you away."

"To be quite honest, it didn't surprise me when Finn screwed you over. You were the most innocent little girl I had even seen in that Cafe. And I fix those coffee machines for fuck knows how long, I've seen all types of chicks coming and going but you? You were like a cinnamon roll. Too good to this world. Too pure." Raven laughed.

"Shut up. I wasn't that innocent." Clarke said, poking the brunette.

"Yes you were, Griffin. Elsewise Finn would have never targeted you. I can tell. Three months dating that jerk were enough for me to know he was bad news."

"Well, he is gone now. And I'm glad he is."

"Yes, he is. That dick." Raven said as she gave a cup of coffee to Clarke. "Now tell me; what can I do for you?"

Clarke took the cup and placed on the coaster next to her. She turned around and grabbed her bag, opening it and taking an object carefully wrapped on a handkerchief. The blonde gave the object to Raven, who removed the piece of fabric, placing it aside.

"It doesn't work." Clarke said as Raven looked at the old camera.

"Well, I figured as much. Why would you bring me a piece of equipment fully functional?" Raven said, sarcastically.

"Oh Raven. I had no idea how much I missed you." Clarke said, laughing.

"Of course you did." Raven said with a smile. "I'm not sure about this, Griffin. The engines are too old."

"You're my only chance of fixing a massive mistake, Raven. Please, give it a go."

Raven looked at Clarke and back to the old camera in front of her. With a sigh, she took the object and walked towards the tool table.

"I hope you don't have any plans for tonight. This might take a while." Raven said.

Clarke stood up and followed the girl, grabbing a chair to sit next to her. She felt her heart racing a little. Raven didn't know but she was doing more than just trying to fix an old camera. She was giving Clarke a chance to right her wrongs. She was giving Clarke something that the blonde was not too familiar with anymore. She was giving her hope.

* * *

 

Clarke stood in front of the door for longer than she could realise. With her phone in hand, she turned the screen on to look at the time. It was half eleven in the morning. She was feeling exhausted, physically and mentally drained. She had not slept or eaten anything for over 15 hours but right now, nothing mattered. It was early in the morning when she left Raven's apartment and she only stopped at her own flat to quickly wash and grab the canvas she painted of Lexa's face.

The feeling of uncertainty was lingering inside her mind, as if it was trying to prevent her from proceeding with her plan but she knew she could not stop now. Not only she couldn't, she didn't want to. With a deep breath she looked at her phone again and started to type.

_**StupidGriffin:** _ _I know I don't deserve it but I was wondering if we could talk. I'm standing outside your door._

She closed her eyes and pressed send. Fear instantly invaded her brain and her chest felt small and tight. What if she didn't open the door? What if she didn't want to talk? After all, Clarke had not given her the chance to talk and explain so, why would she give her that?

Clarke was not sure of how many minutes have passed but it certainly felt like an eternity. She felt her heart skipping a beat when she heard a click noise coming from the door but no movement. With her whole body shaking, she reached out and touched the door knob, twisting the object. The blonde sighed in relief when she realised that it was unlocked.

Opening the door slowly, Clarke stepped into the loft and pressed her eyes to the now dark apartment. She looked around for a minute before closing the door behind her. With slow and cautious movements, she placed the canvas against the wall and walked towards the sofa where Lexa was laid.

Clarke approached and sat by the end of the sofa, her eyes glued to the brunette who was not moving or saying anything. With a deep sigh, she opened her bag and grabbed a small object wrapped on a handkerchief. She placed it on the coffee table right in front of Lexa's face but she didn't dare saying anything.

She watched as the brunette slowly moved her head to look at the object and reached out with her hand to unwrap it.

When Lexa saw her grandfather's old camera, she sat up and took the object in her hands, not quite understanding why Clarke had it in the first place. The brunette opened the back lid and noticed there was a roll of film in it. She pressed the shutter release button and her eyes widened when she realised that it was fully functioning.

"How?" She said quietly, not looking at Clarke. "I took it to experts, I was told it could not be fixed."

"It doesn't matter how broken anything is. It can always be fixed. There is always a way." Clarke said.

"What are you talking about, Clarke?" Lexa asked.

"I made a mistake, Lexa." Clarke said as she stood up and took a couple of steps towards the brunette. She crouched down and sat on the coffee table, meeting Lexa's gaze for the first time since she arrived. "A gigantic mistake. But I want to fix it."

"The things you said…" Lexa whispered.

"Were mean and cruel. I know now." Clarke interrupted, taking a deep breath. "When we started to get to know each other better, I always noticed that you had some sort of sadness in your eyes. It was always there, no matter what we were doing, no matter if we were having a good time or not. There was always that glimpse of sadness. And I never understood why."

Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes started to pool with tears.

"I never asked you why because I thought you would tell me one day and I didn't want to push you to talk about something I had a feeling you didn't want to talk about." Clarke said, never taking her eyes off the brunette.

"But now I wish I had asked. Now I wish I had pushed you. Because maybe you would have told me and I wouldn't have been so cruel to you. Maybe I would not have made this mistake."

"I couldn't talk about it." Lexa said between tears. "I still can't. It hurts too much. What I did."

"You didn't do anything. You have to believe that, Lexa."

"I started to believe. When I met you." Lexa said as she locked gazes with the blonde. "I was tired of being in pain. Of being sad. Of being alone. And I was starting to believe that maybe Costia would want me to be happy."

The brunette took a deep breath and wiped her eyes and cheeks with the back of her hand.

"When we started to get to know each other I felt like it was possible. Because you made me feel such strong emotions. I had no idea I was still capable of having strong feelings like this. When I was with you, the pain was not there, the guilt was not there. You made me feel like I deserved to try again, to be happy again."

Clarke sighed deeply and buried her face in her hands. She felt tears coming out her eyes and she did nothing to stop them.

"You pushed me away, I went after you when Octavia told me that you liked me. And you told me your story. I let you explain why you pushed me away."

"And I didn't." Clarke said with regret in her voice. "I didn't let you speak. I didn't let you explain. Instead, I let my fears and insecurities take over me and I was horrible to you."

"And it hurt me, Clarke. So goddamn much." Lexa said with a trembling voice. "It hurt me because I thought that maybe I was wrong, maybe Costia wouldn't want me to be happy because of what I did to her. But then I realised that the pain I was feeling was not about Costia. I was, I am in pain because you broke my heart. Because I fell in love with you and you didn't trust me. You think I will just do the same thing Finn did to you. You didn't give me the benefit of the doubt. You assumed I wanted to hurt you even though I never gave you any reason to doubt me or not to trust me. And it hurts so much to think that the person I love don't believe in me, it hurts so much, Clarke, because until that happened, I knew I had fallen for you but it was only when you broke my heart that I realised how much I loved you and how you didn't think twice before assuming that I used you. It really hurt me."

There was no anger or resentment in Lexa's voice, and that was what hit Clarke so badly. There was only sadness in the brunette's words and Clarke was convinced that this time she ruined it. This time there was no turning back. However, she didn't want to accept it. She would fight for it, for Lexa, because she was tired of hiding. Tired of being afraid. Tired of making mistake after mistake because of a past that she allows to haunt her for so long. It was time to let it all go and she realised that the hard way. She had happiness knocking on her door and she didn't let it in. But she would get it back, she thought; if it's the last thing she'd do.

She took another deep breath and stood up, starting to walk towards the door. Grabbing her bag, she faced Lexa who still had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I don't really have anything to say in my defence, Lexa. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did. When Anya came to The Ark and told me what happened to Costia I knew that I had ruined it. Ruined us. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trusting you, for not giving you the same thing you gave me, for not letting you explain. I'm sorry for breaking your heart." Clarke said softly.

"I'm really sorry, Lexa. If I could take back everything I said, I would. But right now I know there's nothing I can say to make you forgive me." The blonde sighed again.

"I love you, Lexa." She said.

The brunette felt the air escaping her lungs and widened her eyes.

"I love you. And I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I want to fix this. I want to fix us. So if you think I can have another chance, please, please call me. Because I know you love me too. I didn't let you tell me, but I can still see it in your eyes. I know you're hurt so I'll give you space and I hope, I really hope you will give me this chance. Because I love you, and I want to be with you. And I will not give up, I want to show you that I trust you, that I know I made a horrible mistake but I will never do it again. Because now I know better, I know that I love you and I want to make you happy. So please, give me a chance. Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting. I love you."

Clarke walked out the door closing it behind her, never hearing the quiet words said by Lexa.

"I love you too."

* * *

 

Clarke was lazily laid on the sofa, her legs stretched over Octavia's lap. She looked at the TV but she couldn't focus at all. She could see there was motion happening on the screen but she couldn't really tell what was going on. The movie was pretty much just serving as background noise. The blonde sighed deeply and stood up, walking towards the kitchen and filling an empty glass with water. She took a few sips from it and sighed once more.

"Jesus , Clarke. When you invited me over to watch a movie I thought you actually wanted to have some fun." Octavia said. "You're staring at the TV with a blank face, just sighing as if you're having the worst time ever."

"I am having the worst time ever." Clarke replied.

Octavia took the remote control and paused the film. Standing up, she walked towards the kitchen and stood next to the blonde.

"No word from her yet?" Octavia asked softly.

"No. It's been two weeks, O. I don't think she will call me." Clarke said in a sigh.

"You don't know that." Octavia tried to cheer her friend up. "Lincoln told me that she is working like crazy on some new exhibition. Maybe that's why she didn't contact you yet. Maybe she will get in touch once she finishes whatever she's working on?"

"Yeah… Maybe." Clarke said taking another deep breath. "Did Lincoln tell you what is this exhibition about? There is nothing on the gallery website of upcoming events" She said as she checked the website on her phone.

"No. Not even he knows. He said she just called Anya one morning and started working on this. He tried to get some hours of work helping setting it up but Anya didn't let him." Octavia said.

"That's weird." Clarke pondered.

"Quite." Octavia said. "But I'm sure there is a reason for that. And once this is done, Lexa will call you. You'll see." She grabbed her friend's hand and looked at her with a smile.

"I hope you're right." Clarke said with a sad tone.

"Now come on, let's properly finish watching that movie. You can't just blankly stare at Benedict Cumberbatch. He deserves our full attention." Octavia said, excited.

"You know he is gay in this movie, right?" Clarke said with a giggle.

"Still very pleasing to the eyes. Now shut up and come watch the movie." Octavia replied.

Clarke started walking towards the sofa but a knock on the door grabbed her attention. A short man with grey hair stood outside with an envelope in his hands.

"Hi. I have a special delivery for Clarke Griffin." He said.

"I'm Clarke Griffin." The blonde said as she took the envelope and signed the receipt. "Thank you."

"What's that?" Octavia asked as Clarke closed the door.

"No idea." She said.

Clarke sat on the sofa with the envelope in hand and looked at Octavia.

"Aren't you going to open it?" Octavia asked.

"Yes, O. I am going to open it." Clarke said.

The blonde opened the envelope and retrieved an invitation and a small piece of paper from inside of it. Looking at the invitation, she widened her eyes when she saw a familiar logo.

_**Grounders Art Gallery** _

_**Invites you to the grand opening of the exhibition:** _

_**By artist:** _

_**To take place on:** _

_**Friday at 7pm** _

Clarke read over and over the words printed on the paper and confusion started to grow inside her head. Why was the invitation not filled in properly? Why there was not an exhibition name or artist name? Pressing her eyes, she turned her attention to the folded paper that was also inside the envelope.

_Clarke,_

_I'm sending you an invitation for the Gallery's next exhibit. It would be nice if you could come so we can talk. I hope you can make it._

_Lexa_

The blonde felt her heart beating extremely fast. She couldn't quite grasp a tone on Lexa's note. Was she still upset? Did she forgive her? What does she want to talk about? Millions of questions flooded her mind as she read the note one more time.

"See? I told you she would get in touch!" Octavia said, smiling.

"We don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, O."

"What are you talking about? She sent you an invitation and a note. She said she wanted to talk. That's good!"

"What if she wants to tell me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me? What if she just want to tell me to fuck off in person?" Clarke asked.

"Well," Octavia said with a sigh. "I guess there is only one way to know."

* * *

 

Clarke was sat on the stairs of the gallery main entrance trying to calm herself down. She had a bad feeling and no matter how much she tried to convince herself that everything would be just fine, her heart was telling her otherwise. Maybe because this was all she knew. She only knew the feeling of loss. Even though things were starting to change inside her mind since she met Lexa, it was still a hard job to convince herself that sometimes, actually, most of the time, people meant no harm.

She remembered the feeling of loss from when her parents died. She remembered feeling lost, not knowing what to do or where to go. She remembered the same feeling from when Finn left her. But that time she also felt betrayed and used. And more recently, she remembered the guttural pain she felt when she read the note written by Lexa. She knew now that it wasn't meant for her but still, she remembered the pain, the loss.

And right now, the only thing she could think of was that maybe Lexa would end it all. She would say that Clarke had hurt her too deeply and she wasn't ready to forgive her. The bottom line was that the blonde was scared. No, she was terrified. The very possibility of being rejected by the girl she loved was ripping her soul apart. She felt like she was being eaten up from inside out. Still, there she was, in front of the same gallery she was so used to go. The same gallery where she started to get to know Lexa better. And there was no turning back. She decided to attend to the mystery exhibition and talk to the brunette.

She was not ready for it but, she needed to face it. Because she wanted to know how this story would end. Maybe it wouldn't end at all. She remembered the long speech Octavia did before she left that evening. Her friend told her to be confident, that Lexa wouldn't invite her for such big event if she had any intention to reject her. She wasn't that kind of person. And Clarke was holding onto those words with everything she had. She wanted to believe that everything would be ok. She had to believe.

Taking a deep breath, she stood up and faced the main door. It was time to find out her fate. To find out if she would be able to get back the happiness she let slip and, if that happened, she promised herself she would never let it slip again. She walked up the stairs and inside the gallery, carefully looking around to try and see Lexa.

The gallery was heaving. Clarke could not remember ever seeing it so full of people. She could hardly walk past the crowds to reach the main room where the exhibition was being held. With some effort, she managed to divert from a group of young people and finally reached the room. She looked around and widened her eyes in surprise. She knew those images. All the walls were covered with photographs except for the large wall opposite to the room entrance. There was only one canvas hung there and a massive set of vinyl prints that showed the title of the exhibition and a short description of it.

She blinked repeatedly to try to hold back the tears that started to pool in her eyes. She covered her mouth with her left hand, and brought her right hand to her chest, in an attempt to slow down her heart that was beating extremely fast. She looked around once more, only to bring her eyes back to the canvas and the vinyl prints. She read it over and over and over, still unable to believe in what was right in front of her.

_**ARTISTS LOVE BETTER** _

_By Alexandria Ground_

" _Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. To photograph someone is to really know them, by seeing them as they never see themselves, by having knowledge of them that they can never have. It is to see their true beauty. You don't make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved."_

Clarke let her eyes travel through the walls of the gallery's main room once more. She knew those images. Not because she had seen them before but because she was part of the moments when they were made. However, she never expected to see such beautiful depiction of those moments. She never imagined she would see herself in those images. The first set of photos were taken on her first date with Lexa, when they went to the nature reserve. She didn't remember seeing Lexa taking those pictures, probably because she was focused on her canvas. But there was at least 10 images of herself. Long distance portraits, showing her doing the painting, close ups of her hand holding the paintbrush, of her eyes, of her lips gently biting the end of the brush handle. There was two or three photos of the landscape that were breathtakingly beautiful.

The second set of images showed the photos taken when they went to the park where they first met. Again, many images of Clarke doing her paintings, of her laughing and looking at the lens. Some more of the birds and landscapes of the park. Clarke reslised that she still had her hand pressed tight against her chest when her eyes fell on the only canvas hung on the wall opposite to the door.

It was the canvas she painted of Lexa's face. It looked bigger and more colourful with all the lighting and placement. Clarke started to read the small block of text that was printed on the wall right by the canvas' side.

" _It takes a true artist to look at someone and really see them. To capture the smallest glimpse of emotion that is hidden deep inside one's soul."_

" _Alexandria Ground" by Clarke Griffin_

_Oil on Canvas_

Clarke had given up on trying to stop or hide the tears that ran freely down her cheeks. She felt her head spinning and she tried to organise her thoughts. It felt strange and amazing at the same time to see one of her paintings as a main piece of an exhibition. She had no idea how long she was staring at it.

"I hope the artist won't be bothered by the fact that I didn't ask permission to use her painting in this exhibition."

Clarke felt her heart skipping a bit when she turned around to see Lexa standing right behind her with a soft smile on her face. She looked beautiful. There was nothing there that reminded of the sad, gloomy Lexa she saw two weeks before. Quite the opposite, really. Lexa was glowing. She looked light and in peace. The sadness in her eyes was gone and it gave room to a sparkle and Clarke felt like her soul was feeding from that sparkle, giving her life and courage and strength. She realised that she didn't want to spend one more second away from Lexa, that right there, in front of her, stood her happiness and, this time, she would not let it go.

"Lexa, I…"

Before Clarke had time to finish her sentence, countless flashlights started to pop behind Lexa and a small group of journalists caught her attention. Still with a smile on her face, Lexa turned around to talk to them. She walked a few steps and turned again to face Clarke who still had her eyes on the brunette. The journalists circled around her and a cameraman stood almost in front of Lexa, leaving space for the brunette to keep the eye contact with Clarke.

After a few more photos, a reported stood by Lexa's side with a microphone.

"I'm with the photographer Alexandria Ground in the Gorunders Gallery. She is exhibiting her latest work in a collection called Artists Love Better. Alexandria, love is a powerful theme for an art and photography exhibition; but I think the public wants to know what was your main inspiration for this work?"

Lexa widened her smile only slightly and took a deep breath. Her gaze was still locked with Clarke's when she replied.

"Well, a couple of weeks ago someone told me that It doesn't matter how broken anything is. It can always be fixed. There is always a way. And I was broken. I didn't think I deserved love or happiness. But then this same someone showed me how wrong I was. She showed me that everyone have problems and that sometimes we feel insecure and we make mistakes. Sometimes we hide things we shouldn't hide and sometimes we make bad decisions. But she also reminded me of the things I can feel. She reminded me how good it is to love and to be loved. That I deserve love. And so does she."

Lexa held Clarke's gaze for a few more moments before carrying on talking to the press. She watched as Clarke walked away, outside the gallery's main room. After a few more minutes, she thanked the journalists and started looking for the blonde. The brunette looked in all the rooms but Clarke was nowhere to be seen. Feeling a small lump growing in her chest, she walked outside the main door and felt an instant relief when she saw the blonde sat on the stairs. She lightly poked her shoulder making the blonde stand up and face her.

"Hey. Sorry, I had to talk to the jour…"

Lexa didn't have time to finish. Before she could say any other word, Clarke threw her arms around the brunette's waist and clashed their lips together in a kiss that had much to say. It tasted of relief, and apologies and forgiveness and hope. It was full of love. Lexa brought one hand to the blonde's cheek and the other to her neck, trying to pull Clarke even closer into a mess of tears, tongue and teeth. When they finally broke the kiss for air, Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke's, not releasing the tight embrace they shared.

"I don't know what to say." Clarke whispered. "This is so much more than I could ever imagine."

"It is all for you. All of it. All of me. You saw me when I was trying to be invisible. You made me dig a way out of the hole I buried myself into and I want to do the same. I want to help you forget what is in the past. I want to build a future. Together. " Lexa said, making Clarke release a small sob.

"I'm so sorry, Lexa. For everything I said to you, for the pain I put you through."

"I know. And I am sorry for not telling you about Costia sooner. But none of this matters anymore. I know wherever Costia is, she is happy for me."

"So, do you forgive me? Can we start over?" Clarke asked with caution.

Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke's lips once more. She broke the kiss and took a couple of steps back, opening a broad smile and offering her hand to Clarke.

"Hello. I'm Lexa."

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very, very much to everyone who stuck with me through this story. I really apologise for the delays on the last chapters. I am dealing with two jobs at the moment, which means that I am working 7 days a week. This leaves not much time left as I also have a house and a wife and a social life. 
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed the ending and it is up to everyone's expectations.  
> I have a couple of ideas for a small epilogue but I will only write it if you guys want to. So let me know in the comments if I should or should not do an epilogue! :)
> 
> In other news, I will carry on with They Are Coming so, keep an eye out for new chapters.
> 
> Thank you again everyone, and especially my lovely Trash group. Din, Stel, Dani, Coop and Chan, I love you guys.
> 
> Feel free to contact me on Tumblr, I'm once-upon-a-sasss :)


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

  


“Clarke for fucks sake, come on! We’re gonna be late!” Octavia shouted from across the living room, trying to make herself be heard by her best friend who was spending way too much time in the bathroom.

 

“I’m almost done! It’s not like they can start without me anyway!” The blonde shouted back from behind the closed door.

 

“No, they can’t, but it’s not very polite to be late for such an important event, don’t you think? So can you please hurry the fuck up?” The brunette said in-between giggles.

 

Clarke finally opened the bathroom door and stepped outside with uncertainty in her movements. She raised her head and faced her friend who had a kind smile on her face.

 

“How do I look?” She asked.

 

“Like you’re about to get a diploma.” Octavia said, laughing. “I’m joking, princess. You look great! Now let’s go!” The girl said, pulling her friend by the arm.

 

“Well, I am about to get a diploma and if you keep pulling my sleeve I’ll have to do so covered in creases.” Clarke said, protesting.

 

“I wouldn’t be pulling you if you were a little bit faster! Lexa, Anya, Lincoln, Bellamy and Raven are already there and they are starting to think you’re not gonna show up.” Octavia said.

 

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s my graduation!” Clarke replied.

 

“Ok, so let’s go!”

 

* * *

 

The auditorium was full of people. Friends and families of the students waited patiently on their seats , sweating in anticipation for the most expected moment. The chairs were lined up on the stage, a big table held numerous flower bunches and paper tubes. Sat across a longer table, a number of teachers were ready for the start of the ceremony.

 

Behind the curtains, Clarke stood tapping her foot on the floor, a big wave of anxiety taking over her body and mind. She couldn’t believe that was really happening, she couldn’t believe that very moment was real. She thought about how much she fought to achieve that and how hard it was. How she was so close to giving up and how her life changed completely when she thought it was all lost and over. She peeked through the heavy fabric and saw her friends sat on the first row, looking to the stage, waiting for the big moment to come.

 

She saw Octavia and her brother chatting to Raven while Anya and Lincoln helped Lexa to set up her camera. Clarke felt happy and complete, having her friends and her girlfriend there to support her and celebrate with her.

 

 _It is real_ ; she thought. _This is really happening._

 

She felt a smile grow on her lip as she thought about the last four years and how much her life had changed for better. Her relationship with Lexa was stronger than ever and, with her help, Clarke started working as an apprentice with Dante Wallace. Not only she was able to keep saving money but she also enhanced her portfolio greatly. Never in her life she thought she would be able to learn so much. It didn’t take long for her to finally apply and start at the Arts  University and, four years later, there she was, about to receive her diploma. She thought about her mum and dad and how proud of her they would be if they were there. The thought brought a small tear to her eye but she wiped it away with the back of her hand, thinking that, wherever they were, they were happy for her.

 

A festive tune started playing bringing Clarke back from her thoughts and the group of students entered the stage, walking towards the empty seats. The audience applauded as the students took their places and smiled back at their families and friends.

 

“Go Griffin!!” Raven shouted as she spotted the blonde, causing Clarke to chuckle.

 

As the students and audience settled down, Clarke stood up and walked towards the small pulpit placed on the centre of the stage and fixed the microphone height. She cleaned her throat as the music faded, getting the attention of all present in the auditorium.

 

“Welcome, students, teachers, families and friends. This is a very important day and, I must say, I’m not used to speak to so many people so, excuse-me if I stutter.” She said with a giggle that was followed by the audience.

 

“You know, I am quite surprised myself with the fact that today is really happening. Not long before I started this course, I was convinced that this would not happen. I was certain that coming to the Arts University and going through the four years of course was something unreachable to me. And I bet it was as well to many of my classmates that are here with me today.” Clarke could hear the soft laughter coming from her fellow students behind her.

 

“But still, here we are. And we wouldn’t be able to be here without the help of our families and friends. Throughout these years, you supported us, endured our sleepless nights with projects and essays, helped us when creativity lacked, fed us, loved us and reminded us that we could do it.” Clarke said her speech with her eyes locked with green ones that looked at her in the audience. She felt her heart melting as the owner of those green eyes smiled at her, mouthing the words _I love you_.

 

“For that reason, in the name of all students here today, I would like to thank you. We wouldn’t be able to be here without you. Thank you, and welcome to the Arts University Graduation for the class of 2019!”

Clarke smiled broadly and started clapping together with her classmates and  the whole audience. She felt proud of herself for being able to deliver that speech; in fact, she couldn’t believe that she was chosen as the class speaker since her skills in speaking in public were close to zero.

 

She sat down again while other students spoke, clapping occasionally and laughing at memories and tales told by classmates and teachers.

 

The ceremony went on for another couple of hours and, finally, her name was called to receive her flowers and diploma. She walked towards the table where the teachers were sat, not being able to control the smile that was growing bigger and bigger on her lips. She felt her heart racing as her finger touched the velvety material of the diploma tube. That was it; everything she worked so hard to achieve, all the suffering she went through, the hard moments, everything converged to this very moment. She took the object in her hands and thanked the teacher, walking towards the back of the stage.

 

Once the audience started to disperse, Clarke walked to the main door and exited the auditorium. She spotted her friends among the horde of students and families and ran towards them, waving her diploma.

 

“I made it, guys!! I made it!!” She shouted as she joined the small group.

 

“You really did, Clarke! Well done!” Bellamy tapped the blonde on the shoulder with a broad smile on his face.

 

“Yea, Griffin! And I thought I was the only one in this group with brains…” Raven teased, making Clarke lightly hit her with her diploma tube.

 

“Excuse me, best friend coming through!” Octavia pushed her friends out of the way and threw herself on Clarke’s arms on a warm, long hug.

 

Clarke felt tears starting to form on her eyes. She knew that she probably wouldn’t have made it without the constant support of her friend and at that very moment, she felt like the most fortunate person on earth.

 

“Congratulations, Clarke. You deserve this so, so much. I’m so proud of you, princess. Really, you are going to rock this world one day!” The brunette said with pride on her voice. She let go of her friend with a deep sigh and wet eyes. “Now I better let go of you before that tall lady with green eyes kills me.” She said with a grin.

 

Clarke turned around and met said green eyes, looking at her with so much emotion she could almost feel her stare. They locked gazes as Lexa made her way towards the blonde, stopping right in front of her.

 

“Congratulations, Clarke.” She said with a smile on her face.

 

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” The blonde replied still holding Lexa’s gaze.

 

“Yes, you could. You were born for this Clarke.”

 

Clarke smiled broadly as she closed the gap between them with a kiss that was promptly interrupted.

 

“Jesus Christ, you two make me sick. Congratulations, Clarke.” Anya said in an amused tone, giggling at the couple. The blonde hugged the older woman thanking her for her presence.

 

“Alright then, lovebirds. Should we go to The Ark? There’s a celebration party waiting for us and I can’t wait to get some alcohol down my throat.” Octavia said, making the group start walking.

 

Lexa held Clarke’s arm stopping the blonde from moving.

 

“You guys go ahead, we will meet you there shortly. I just need to get something at Clarke’s flat.”

 

Clarke looked at her girlfriend with confusion in her eyes. The confusion lasted as long as a couple of seconds as her eyes met Lexa’s and the brunette held a devilish grin.

 

“Just thought you and I could do a small celebration of our own.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke felt Lexa’s body pressing against hers as the apartment door clicked closed. The blonde closed her eyes and savoured the feeling of the brunette’s mouth running up her neck and gently biting her earlobe.

 

“Did I tell you how proud of you I am?” Lexa said in a whisper, kissing Clarke’s neck again, making the blonde release a small moan.

 

“No,” she replied. “But you can show me.”

 

Clarke’s response was like a red ember thrown into a bundle of dry leaves. Lexa felt her whole body light up as if it was on fire. She pulled her girlfriend even closer to her and clashed their lips together. The blonde slowly started guiding them towards the bedroom, stopping only when she felt the resistance of the bed frame against Lexa’s legs.

 

The brunette fell sat on the bed and looked up to Clarke’s face, locking their gazes. Clarke stared at green eyes and felt utterly complete. She knew she would never feel any happier than she was in that very moment. Everything she ever wished for was right there, in front of her, loving her.

 

Lexa reached out and pulled Clarke in, soft fabric touching her back and warm body pressing against hers. She gently moved a strand of blonde hair that fell on her girlfriend’s face and proceeded to kiss soft lips. Slowly, she rolled them on the bed, straddling Clarke’s hips, never losing contact with the blonde’s mouth. Her hands were precise, removing each piece of clothing covering their bodies, until there was nothing left; only the feeling of her skin melting into Clarke’s.

 

The blonde bit Lexa’s lower lip softly while lightly scraping her short nails on the girl’s back. Each time her hand travelled up and down the brunette’s spine, she could hear her girlfriend’s breath getting faster and shorter. She maneuvered her body placing Lexa’s thigh between her legs. She pushed her hip up, enhancing the contact between them. Locking gazes with the brunette once more, she grinned as Lexa started a slow, rocking motion, thrusting her body against Clarke’s, making the blonde release a silent cry as she matched her girlfriend's movements. She felt her body starting to get coated by a thin layer of sweat as Lexa sped up her movements slightly.

 

The brunette leaned in and took Clarke’s lips with her own as she felt the blonde’s grip on the back of her neck getting harder.

 

“Don’t stop…” Clarke managed to utter in a whisper as she felt her whole body being taken over by strong waves of pleasure. She rested her head back and bit her lower lip as she let herself be consumed by the sensation. She felt a smile grow on her lips as her girlfriend started to slow down her motions, allowing her to enjoy every second of her climax.

 

When she opened her eyes, Lexa was hovering right above her, with a grin on her lips.

 

“See?” The brunette said, sassy. “That’s how proud I am.”

 

Clarke laughed loud and pulled the brunette in for a kiss. Pushing her slightly, she rolled them again, taking control and straddling Lexa.

 

“Good. ‘Cause it’s my turn.” She said as lowered her body, meeting Lexa’s lips again.

 

* * *

 

“Shouldn’t we be getting ready to go to The Ark?” Clarke asked as she caressed Lexa’s arm.

 

“Pshhhhhh…” The brunette silenced her girlfriend as moved her body backwards, getting comfortable in Clarke’s arms.

 

“When I first met you I would never had thought you’d like to be the little spoon.” The blonde said with a smile.

 

“When you first met me you wanted to kill me.”

 

“I did… I can’t believe how far we’ve got.”

 

“Not far enough…” Lexa said as she reached for her phone to check the time.

 

“It’s the third time you check the time. Are we waiting for something? And what do you mean by not far enough?”

 

As Clarke finished her sentence, the doorbell rang, making them both jump out of bed.

 

“Just a minute!” Clarke shouted as she quickly put her clothes on. “Who the hell is it?” She mouthed to Lexa who was fidgeting with something in her bag.

 

Clarke opened the door to find a delivery man.

 

“Delivery to Clarke Griffin.” He said as he handed a clipboard with a piece of paper clipped to it and a pen.  Clarke signed and made way for the men to start bringing boxes after more boxes into her apartment.

 

“What the hell is all this?” She asked Lexa, frowning.

 

“Graduation present.” The brunette said with a smile.

 

Clarke pursed her lips and thanked the men, closing the door.

 

“Don’t you think you went a bit overboard?” She asked as she looked at her living room completely covered with boxes. “I mean, where am I going to put all this? There is literally no spa…” Clarke stopped herself as she noticed her girlfriend’s expression going from smiley to apprehensive in a split second. “I mean, of course I love it, thank you, so much for all of it, Lexa. I just… Really don’t have space for all that. I might have to take some to the studio.”

 

“About that…” Lexa said, facing the floor; her body language getting even more unsettled. “I was thinking… My loft is quite big.”

 

Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but realisation hit her like a brick and she felt her heart starting to hammer in her chest.

 

“Your loft?” She asked; her voice trembling.

 

Taking a deep breath, Lexa looked up and reached for her back pocket. She took a few steps towards Clarke and reached for the blonde’s hand.

 

“Clarke… After what happened to Costia, I told myself that I would never be able to love again. But then you just dropped into my life, as if you fell from the sky and you made me see that I wanted to love. I wanted to love you. And now, as you said, look how far we’ve got.”

 

“I love you, Clarke and I want my life and your life to become our life.” The brunette said as she placed a small black velvet box in Clarke’s hand. Opening the box, she met the blonde’s eyes. “Will you marry me?”

Clarke released a loud sob that was a laughter at the same time. She pulled Lexa in and kissed her, she kissed her with every fiber of her being. She kissed her as if it was the first and the last time.

 

“Yes! Of course I will!” She said with her lips still touching Lexa’s.

 

They parted after a moment, still holding each other as Clarke looked around her living room full of boxes.

 

“This is the most convoluted marriage proposal ever!” The blonde said, laughing.

 

“Well, what can I say? I needed an excuse for you to move in.”

 

They closed the gap between them once more in a soft kiss. A kiss that if anything, it was the beginning of their “happily ever after…”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me forever to put this up. To be quite honest, I only just finished writing. And I don't really know where the strength to write it came from. I'm still devastated by 307 and I'm not quite sure if I'll ever be able to get over it. The whole ordeal hurt me in ways I didn't even know I could be hurt.
> 
> Anyways, sorry for making you wait for so long and I hope the epilogue makes up for the wait. Any similarities are not coincidental. No one beta'd this so all mistakes are my own.  
> Thank you all again for the kind messages. I love you all very, very much.  
> If you want to talk to me, you can find me on Tumblr, I'm tumblr.com/once-upon-a-sasss


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